Yes, you absolutely can forgive someone and still feel hurt; forgiveness releases the need for revenge and bitterness, but it doesn't instantly erase emotional pain, memories, or the need for healing, which is a separate, gradual process where the hurt can resurface as triggers or anger while the forgiveness allows you to move forward without resentment.
You can forgive someone and still feel hurt. You can choose not to forgive and still move on. You can wish them well and still need distance. There are some hurts that eat your soul.
Forgiveness is a choice. If you find that you are constantly fighting feelings of anger even after you've forgiven, it's possible that you're not struggling with forgiveness, but with residual sinful behaviors or trust. Getting with a good Christian counselor can help.
So, put simply, yes. You can forgive someone and still be angry. Forgiveness isn't always pretty and it's never easy. If you are still angry, acknowledge it and work to let it go.
Forgiveness doesn't require the end of anger. Forgiveness requires letting go of hatred and the desire to annihilate the other person. Anger can remain because anger tells the truth about the harm.
Additionally, we can live out the Golden Rule by forgiving others as we would like to be forgiven. This means letting go of grudges and resentment, extending a hand of reconciliation, and seeking restoration in relationships.
Forgiveness has four stages: hate, hurt, heal, come together. (This model was inspired by Louis Smedes' book, “Forgive and Forget.” I've reordered Smedes' words, and I've changed my understanding of what each phase of the process means.)
There are situations when it's OK not to forgive someone. Here are just a few examples: You're still feeling the effects of their actions or experiencing PTSD because of how you were treated (particularly for childhood abuse).
Resentment is a buildup of negative emotions such as anger, frustration, and disappointment. It often comes from feeling like you've been wronged. Signs include behavior such as withdrawing and acting out. If not addressed, it can damage your relationships and lead to mental and physical health issues.
Biblical forgiveness/True forgiveness means:
Not holding the fault/offense of the person to them (Ps. 103:10, 12). Not having any animosity (ill will, hatred, resentment, hostility) toward the person still (Rom. 5:8-11).
Reserved Sins?
Ephesians 4:32 - Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Colossians 3:13 - bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
If you find yourself stuck:
Can you love and resent someone at the same time? Yes, it's possible to love and resent someone simultaneously. These conflicting emotions can create inner turmoil and strain relationships.
The Lord says, “'It is mine to avenge; I will repay'” (Romans 12:19 NIV). He wants us to trust Him to set things right and even the score. When we surrender our anger, we may still feel hurt, but that hurt won't express itself in active or passive retaliation.
An imbalanced liver and gallbladder can be caused by longstanding feelings of repressed anger, such as resentment, frustration, and irritability. Also, as the same with other organs, imbalance can be caused by a poor diet, body pollutants such as chemicals, drugs and moulds etc.
Reflect on why holding on is harmful and consider what positive outcomes may arise from releasing it. Accept that letting go is a process that takes time. Mindfulness helps by keeping you present, allowing you to observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment.
The 27 emotions: admiration, adoration, aesthetic appreciation, amusement, anger, anxiety, awe, awkwardness, boredom, calmness, confusion, craving, disgust, empathic pain, entrancement, excitement, fear, horror, interest, joy, nostalgia, relief, romance, sadness, satisfaction, sexual desire, surprise.
Toxic forgiveness occurs when an individual pardons another person prematurely or under duress, often without genuine resolution of the underlying issues. This form of forgiveness can stem from societal pressures, internalized guilt, or a desire to maintain peace at the cost of one's well-being.
But it does provide some rough guidelines as to how soon may be too soon to make long-term commitments and how long may be too long to stick with a relationship. Each of the three numbers—three, six, and nine—stands for the month that a different common stage of a relationship tends to end.
In many cases, forgiveness is much more about what goes on inside of you than it is about the other person. Remember, it's about acknowledging and releasing anger, resentment, hostility, and pain. However, don't rush the “releasing” part. First, take the time to work through and heal the hurting parts of you.
The highest form of forgiveness is to realise that the other committed a mistake out of ignorance and having a sense of compassion for them.
For some, denial or anger is the hardest while others may struggle with bargaining. Depression, however, often lasts the longest and someone is most at risk of experiencing prolonged, destructive grief during this phase.
One of the signs of forgiveness is being able to have neutral thoughts about the person and dropping the grudge. It's important to note that this doesn't mean forgetting what happened or condoning the behavior that caused the harm.