Sometimes, relationships can turn unhealthy and even toxic. Gaslighting is a psychological phenomenon that is very troublesome. Gaslighting phrases in relationships may be used by one or both partners during everyday conversations or during disagreements.
We can be both the victimiser and victim of gaslighting, even simultaneously. Within a long-term relationship, gaslighting can vacillate between partners, especially if the pair are given to power struggles.
Can You Gaslight a Gaslighter? It is possible for two people in any type of relationship to gaslight each other. It is not always the case that there is only one abusive or manipulative person in a relationship – sometimes it is both people. A gaslighter is not immune to being gaslighted.
Gaslighters are blamers, using lines like, “You made me do it” or “I did it because you wouldn't listen to me.” They may accuse you of having issues or needs that they actually have, such as suggesting you're not being honest with yourself. They may find ways to take credit for your accomplishments.
Gaslighting friends enjoy conflict and often rile people against one another. Often, this motive comes from a place of profound jealousy. This friend may instigate rumors just to see how people respond. They often hope that others will be “grateful” for their truth.
Jamie Schenk DeWitt, a psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles told Newsweek: "A gaslighting apology is a conditional apology that makes the person apologizing appear as if they are sincerely saying 'I am sorry,' but they aren't taking any responsibility for hurting you.
It could be divided into four different types: outright lying, manipulation of reality, scapegoating and coercion. Often the experience is a combination of these four types and not just limited to one of them.
In addition, perpetrators of gaslighting typically suffer from mental health issues as well. They may have developed these controlling behaviors as a response to childhood trauma, or as the result of Narcissistic Personality Disorder or another psychological condition.
If people make statements in the context of an argument in which they are trying to explain their point of view, or if these statements are made over the course of legal proceedings or formal hearings, then they may be viewed as someone defending themselves, not intentionally attempting to gaslight.
“A gaslighter will often make you beg for their forgiveness and apologize profusely for any 'wrong' you committed, even if it's something they did,” Stern says. Sometimes you may not even know what you're apologizing for, other than they're upset and it's your responsibility to calm them down.
The opposite of gaslighting is critical thinking, not validation or deference or coddling.
Don't even look their way. Just stare straight ahead in silence. If they continue their behavior, just walk away. This is one of the most frustrating situations for a gaslighter because it makes them feel powerless.
Yet people of any gender can gaslight others or be gaslit themselves. Gaslighting can also occur in platonic contexts such as a workplace. Anyone can be a target.
If we stick to the clinical definition, gaslighters have two signature moves: They lie with the intent of creating a false reality, and they cut off their victims socially.
Gaslighting is a common form of abuse in unhealthy relationships. It can happen in romantic relationships at any age — teenage relationships, adult engagements, and even marriage. Gaslighting may not happen at the beginning of a relationship.
They lack empathy for others, and their gaslighting can cause danger to their victims both mentally and emotionally. Commonly, a gaslighter has a condition known as a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). They have admiration for themselves over others and will do whatever it takes to put themselves in control.
Certain personality types tend to be more manipulative than others. People with borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and sociopaths are more likely to gaslight those around them.
Some gaslighters are aware of their behavior, and they may even work to improve their gaslighting skills. They might enjoy the sense of superiority they feel from making others doubt their sanity and correctness. Others who gaslight might not be aware that they're doing it.
One of the ways that gaslighters/narcissists exert their power through playing the victim. In relationships, gaslighters play the victim in order to manipulate and guilt their partners into doing their will. On a global stage, when gaslighter “plays the role” of a victim, it takes on a different tone.
Red Flag 1: You're doubting your own truth. Red Flag 2: You're questioning yourself excessively. Red Flag 3: You're feeling confused. Red Flag 4: You're frequently thinking you must be perceiving things incorrectly.
Tactics of emotional abuse such as ghosting, benching, gaslighting, and recently-coined “lovebombing” have been haunting people from relationship to relationship.
Gaslighting can be described as the ultimate form of betrayal, as it is a serious form of manipulation that causes victims to question their reality. These perpetrators rely on an imbalance of power that favors their agenda; the victims lack a confidence and are easily influenced.
Examples of Gaslighting in Relationships
If someone says, "You know I only do it because I love you," or, "Believe me, this is for the best," when doing something you perceive as abusive, controlling, or wrong, they are probably gaslighting you.