Avoidants May Withhold Sex A common sign that an anxious-avoidant relationship is veering toward toxicity is the couple's sex life—or lack of it. For starters, avoidant attachers are more likely to cheat on their partners than secure or anxious attachers.
The dismissive-avoidant attachment style itself is not inherently toxic, but it can lead to unhealthy relationship patterns. People with this attachment style may struggle with emotional intimacy and have a tendency to prioritize their independence over their relationships.
Though avoidant partners might not seem as emotionally available or connected as others, their emotions and need for connection are often the same as anyone else. With some understanding and support, it's possible for avoidant partners to open up and create greater emotional intimacy.
Avoidant attachers may be prone to sabotaging their healthy relationships. Their mistrust of their partners' intentions, combined with their fear of intimacy, can sometimes lead to them subconsciously behave in a way that pushes their partners away.
Abuse at the hands of someone with an avoidant personality disorder often includes psychological and emotional abuse. Don't be afraid to reach out for help, pursue support groups for loved ones, seek your own therapy, separate, or leave the relationship completely. Your sanity depends on it.
Anxious-avoidant attachment types (also known as the “fearful or disorganized type”) bring together the worst of both worlds. Anxious-avoidants are not only afraid of intimacy and commitment, but they distrust and lash out emotionally at anyone who tries to get close to them.
They do have similarities, but there are also differences that have an impact on the relationship. As a general statement, all narcissists are love avoidant, but people can be love avoidant and not be narcissists.
Once again, people with a dismissive-avoidant style showed that they did care about relationships. Dismissive avoidant students reported higher self-esteem and positive mood than non-dismissives—but only when told that surgency predicts future interpersonal success.
The most difficult type of insecure attachment is the disorganized attachment style. It is often seen in people who have been physically, verbally, or sexually abused in their childhood.
After intimacy deepens, the avoidant partner loses interest in being sexual, in hugging, kissing, and perhaps even holding hands. Some avoidant partners will seem to actively limit physical proximity, such as sitting closely together on a couch where contact may be possible.
Due to the fact that someone with an avoidant attachment style is more likely to end a relationship because it's starting to become serious, combined with their reluctance to re-establish a romantic connection, many people may be wondering how to get over an avoidant partner.
Love Avoidants recognize and are attracted to the Love Addict's strong fear of being left because Love Avoidants know that all they have to do to trigger their partner's fear is threaten to leave.
Ironically, the avoidant may run from someone they have strong emotions for and even love - because the engulfment of those emotions is exactly what gives them pain.
Because people with an avoidant attachment style fear not being lovable or good enough, feeling criticized or judged by loved ones can be particularly painful. Especially when it comes to things that they are not so comfortable with, such as their emotions and feelings.
An avoidant in love will commit to the relationship. They'll claim you as their partner and they'll introduce you to friends and family. You can have a thriving relationship with an avoidant by giving them space in the relationship and being patient while they learn to be more emotionally vulnerable.
When we look at some of the areas that people with an avoidant attachment style struggle in, it's easy to focus on extremes or exaggerate the way they interact with you. But your spouse can be avoidantly attached to you and still be a faithful, committed, reliable person in the marriage.
The Russell study on infidelity
As I pointed out earlier, previous studies on dating couples had showed that the anxiously attached were least likely to be unfaithful and the avoidantly attached the most. Among these married couples, however, the anxiously attached were the most likely to cheat on their partners.
Here is the problem: Someone who is love avoidant is by far, the worst type of person you could ever date and have a romantic relationship with. The primary reason being, that a person with love avoidance is the least likely to meet your relationship needs for intimacy, closeness, emotional availability, and security.
Both avoidant and anxious attachment are both insecure types of attachment. Just over 50% of people are securely attached to their partner. The securely attached are the least likely to be unfaithful as they do not worry about their partner straying or the strength of the relationship.
Some studies showed that differences in attachment styles seem to influence both the frequency and the patterns of jealousy expression: individuals with the preoccupied or fearful-avoidant attachment styles more often become jealous and consider rivals as more threatening than those with the secure attachment style [9, ...
On the other hand, people with an avoidant attachment may be attracted to anxious partners because their pursuit and need for closeness reinforce the avoidant person's need for independence and self-reliance. Anxious and avoidant partners may also seek their partner's traits due to wanting those traits in themselves.
Challenges with self-confidence and feelings of low self-worth are at the core of this particular attachment style. This negative view of themselves, that they are unworthy of love, produces a fear of being rejected by another.
While love addicts require constant emotional reassurance and attention as proof of a loving relationship, the love avoidant person often feels that their love is proven simply by supporting their partner on an economic and physical level. For the emotionally avoidant person, love becomes an obligation.
A Love Avoidant Is More Likely to Cheat
Love addicts who cheat are not very common, but love avoidants are likely to commit infidelities as a type of coping mechanism. Experts sometimes call these saboteurs. These love avoidant types might start out in a relationship being affectionate and enthusiastic.
Avoidant-attachment style personalities aren't emotionally mature enough to tell their partner the truth about how they feel, so they disappear when they become threatened with feeling vulnerable or close to someone.