Narcissists can and do love, but their love tends to be superficial and fleeting. They can develop intense emotional attachments—even appearing to "fall in love"—and yet still maintain a complete lack of empathy for the object of their affection.
Narcissists have an “avoidant” attachment style and most people who are strongly affected by a narcissist are of the “anxious” attachment style.
Narcissists have insecure attachment styles that are either avoidant or anxious, or some combination. People with insecure attachment styles feel a basic insecurity stemming from relationships with early caregivers.
Narcissists also deny emotional needs. They won't admit that they're being demanding and needy, because having needs makes them feel dependent and weak. They judge it as needy. Although narcissists don't usually put the needs of others first, some narcissists are actually people-pleasers and can be very generous.
Narcissistic partners can very quickly make you feel extremely needy, and then use that against you to get everything their way. In the beginning of the relationship they give you extravagant attention, glorification, and idealization to get you hooked, and then pull it away to keep you begging for “how it used to be”.
While it may be possible for a narcissist to develop feelings of love towards someone else, they struggle to maintain lasting relationships due to their lack of empathy and tendency towards selfishness.
Narcissistic partners usually have difficulty really loving someone else, because they don't truly love themselves. They are so focused on themselves that they cannot really “see” their partner as a separate person. They tend to only see the partner in terms of how they fill their needs (or fail to fill their needs).
“Deep down, narcissists hope for love and caring”, says Frank Yeomans, “but it often makes them feel very uncomfortable if they seem to find it, partly because they feel vulnerable and doubt the authenticity of any love that comes their way.
Narcissists are insecure because they have a deep-seated need for validation and attention from others. They often try to overcompensate for this insecurity by seeking power and control over others… and constantly seeking confirmation of their own self-importance.
Yes, narcissists love to cuddle, but it's always about them. They enjoy being showered with love because it boosts their ego. Receiving affection from their partner makes narcissists feel that they are perfect in every way. It also makes them feel good about their physical appearance.
Anxious and avoidant relationships are considered unhealthy or insecure attachments. They can often lead to relationships that cause you great anxiety, distress, or emotional pain. Alternatively, you can also form attachments to objects. These attachment objects can play a role in how safe you feel.
Trauma bonding occurs when a narcissist repeats a cycle of abuse with another person which fuels a need for validation and love from the person being abused. Trauma bonding often happens in romantic relationships, however, it can also occur between colleagues, non-romantic family members, and friends.
Previous research hinted that such a relationship might exist, but this study provides the most compelling evidence yet that narcissists do indeed flock together. “We confirmed our hypothesis of assortative mating for narcissism which is consistent with previous findings,” state the researchers.
They are addicted to attention, drama, and chaos. They also have a deep hatred of the self which they cover with a highly extroverted persona. A narcissist will believe that they are prevalent and well-liked and deserve to be a leader without necessarily having the traits.
Not all but a lot of narcissists seem to have a sex addiction and/or a love addiction or other type of substance and behavioral addictions. Through sex/love addiction, narcissists gain sense of control and power over others. The chase and thrill of seducing and having sex with someone serve as their drug of choice.
In fact, narcissists are often attracted to strong, confident, and self-assured women. While this may seem counterintuitive, it is important to realize that the narcissistic traits of grandiosity and confidence are really a mask for deep insecurity.
This low sense of self naturally makes it extremely easy for them to become jealous – very jealous. And not just about anyone potentially interested in you romantically, but anyone or anything that can take the focus off of them. This includes children, pets and other friends and family members.
Grandiose sense of self-importance
Grandiosity is the defining characteristic of narcissism. More than just arrogance or vanity, grandiosity is an unrealistic sense of superiority. Narcissists believe they are unique or “special” and can only be understood by other special people.
The bottom line is, if you are involved with someone who has a narcissistic personality, then it is possible that they can learn to love you. Many people love narcissists and have maintained successful relationships with them. They may need to acknowledge their behaviors and take steps to rein them in, though.
In fact, the love language of the narcissist is to get you to do all the work of the relationship. They feel “loved” when you are proving your love and loyalty. They believe you are invested into the relationship when you invest more into them than you invest in you.
Red Flags When You're In a Relationship With a Narcissist
Downplays your emotions. Uses manipulative tactics to “win” arguments. Love bombing, especially after a fight. Makes you second-guess yourself constantly.
For a narcissist to be happy, you'll always have to accept their version of events as the truth. Otherwise, you'll be on the receiving end of their narcissistic rage. Even if you do everything they ask, a narcissist will still try and undermine you at every opportunity.