Overthinking vs Self-Gaslighting Overthinking can become a habit very hard to break, and if you find your mind spinning around and around a certain problem, you're probably left feeling exhausted and even more anxious than before. Self-gaslighting also refers to unwanted, hard to control thoughts that run in your mind.
"You're overthinking it."
This gaslighting phrase is a way to belittle what you have to say. Basically, they want you to think that you are assuming too much and the facts aren't true.
But there are also cases where gaslighters act in a way that makes people question their version of reality that affects their self-esteem and disempowers them, even if it wasn't the intention. Without being aware of it, you could potentially gaslight others and not even know.
If people make statements in the context of an argument in which they are trying to explain their point of view, or if these statements are made over the course of legal proceedings or formal hearings, then they may be viewed as someone defending themselves, not intentionally attempting to gaslight.
'Gaslighting'
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse in which the gaslighter uses psychological manipulation to undermine the gaslightee, causing the person to question themselves and their reality. The gaslighter's need for control and power in a relationship is a key component of gaslighting.
Do gaslighters know they're gaslighting? Gaslighting lies on a spectrum. Some gaslighters don't know they're gaslighting and are largely unaware of how their behavior is affecting the other person. But some gaslighters are very well aware of what they are doing, and it is done with intention and without remorse.
Convincing someone to question their reality gives a gaslighter a sense of power and superiority. Despite all this, gaslighting often isn't so obvious. Many gaslighters may not realize they're gaslighting, and many people who are being gaslighted also fail to recognize it at first.
Gaslighting is similar to lying and a gaslighter may even do it for the same reasons, but they will also be attempting to confuse the other person by flipping a situation and putting the blame onto them, making them doubt their perception of events and second guess themselves.
Signs of Self-Gaslighting Behavior
Questioning whether what you remember is accurate. Constantly telling yourself that you're wrong, crazy, or that you've made a mistake. Believing your situation isn't that bad compared to others (or “downward comparing,” Glowiak says) Dismissing your emotions as too sensitive.
“Gaslighters have two signature moves,” she wrote. “They lie with the intent of creating a false reality, and they cut off their victims socially.” They spread gossip, they take credit for other people's work, and they undercut others in furtherance of their own position.
Red Flag 1: You're doubting your own truth. Red Flag 2: You're questioning yourself excessively. Red Flag 3: You're feeling confused. Red Flag 4: You're frequently thinking you must be perceiving things incorrectly.
It could be divided into four different types: outright lying, manipulation of reality, scapegoating and coercion. Often the experience is a combination of these four types and not just limited to one of them.
Jamie Schenk DeWitt, a psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles told Newsweek: "A gaslighting apology is a conditional apology that makes the person apologizing appear as if they are sincerely saying 'I am sorry,' but they aren't taking any responsibility for hurting you.
“There are two main reasons why a gaslighter behaves as they do,” Sarkis explains. “It is either a planned effort to gain control and power over another person, or it because someone was raised by a parent or parents who were gaslighters, and they learned these behaviors as a survival mechanism.”
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim's mind. Typically, gaslighters are seeking to gain power and control over the other person, by distorting reality and forcing them to question their own judgment and intuition.
In the post, which has gained over 5,000 likes, the therapist breaks down ways to identify the difference between gaslighting and disagreements. “With gaslighting, the goal is to make you question your sanity, while in disagreements, the goal is to come to an agreement or have their perspective seen,” says Tran.
They lack empathy for others, and their gaslighting can cause danger to their victims both mentally and emotionally. Commonly, a gaslighter has a condition known as a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). They have admiration for themselves over others and will do whatever it takes to put themselves in control.
Primarily observed in narcissists and sociopaths, gaslighting is an intentional behavior where gaslighters often successfully convince their victims to believe in what they say. Gaslighting is a process of methodical rejection that eventually leads to unsolvable uncertainty in the victim's mind.
Ignoring a gaslighter could mean you pretend you did not hear what they said and do not engage or respond to them. This could result in an escalation of their attempts at gaslighting you or make them angry if they feel you have bruised their pride. Similarly, they might try to get your attention in other ways.
“Exaggerated criticism is a common tactic used by a gaslighter, and is often centered around the emotional health and wellbeing of the person they are trying to harm,” Kelley notes. “The more the gaslighter can make their victim feel they are crazy or unstable, the more effective their gaslighting tactics become.”
In 2022, Merriam-Webster named "gaslighting" as its Word of the Year due to the vast increase in channels and technologies used to mislead and the word becoming common for the perception of deception.