Until the spouse of the narcissist finds the strength to walk away, the narcissist remains married (for how long, depends on the will of his or her victim). Being married to a narcissist may be hard but understanding how a narcissist stays married is much easier.
MD. At the end of a relationship, a narcissist will often spiral down a long-winded gauntlet of manipulation tactics. They may blame you for causing the relationship to fail, work hard to keep you to stay with them, make lofty promises to change their behavior, or badmouth you to everyone around them.
Narcissists are simply preoccupied with their own needs
For all of these reasons, narcissists do not initiate divorce. They are simply preoccupied with their own needs, and as a result, they completely ignore the state of the marriage or their partner's needs.
Illnesses, aging, and job losses or promotions can act as triggers for the narcissist to suddenly abandon the relationship.
Ending a relationship with a narcissist is almost the complete opposite compared to when they're the one breaking it off. If they see it coming, they'll do everything in their power to demean you, and if it's a surprise, they'll almost certainly lash out in anger.
According to a blog post on Psychology Today by Elinor Greenberg Ph. D.; however, you can almost never be actually happy in a relationship with one. “Once past the courtship stage, all the relationships where one person has a narcissistic personality disorder include some form of abuse and a great deal of tension.
Choosing To Stay With A Narcissist
Dr. Durvasula: There are so many reasons why people can't leave narcissistic relationships. Financial reasons, cultural reasons, they have children, religion, fear, anxiety, and that they still actually love the elements of this person, they want to be married.
Whatever the reasons for starting the relationship, it will eventually end. Narcissists tire of their victims when they've exhausted their supply of care, money, or whatever else they were after. As quickly as they entered your life, they leave it, which can leave the victim incredibly confused, broken, and lost.
Leaving a narcissist can often be one of the hardest parts of the whole relationship. This is because they have emotionally, financially, and psychologically drained you. Experts weigh in on how to safely leave a relationship with a toxic person.
A narcissist will work over-time attempting to control the ex-spouse through child support, visitation time, and co-parenting decisions. Aspects of divorce proceedings that naturally motivate most parties to negotiate earnestly toward settlement are completely lost on the narcissist spouse.
A narcissist will expect to get special treatment and to be able to control everything in the divorce, even the judge. They also don't like to lose, so they will file motions and fight hard to win, even over trivial matters that aren't worth the attorney fees.
Once affirmed, they begin the attack on their spouse. Verbal berating, name calling, threats of divorce, gaslighting, guilt-tripping, and bullying are common first line attacks. This tactic almost always works in the beginning as the spouse dejectedly returns back to the narcissist to try the relationships again.
Hence, the narcissist begins to put their partner down or holds back on being intimate or showing their affection. When their partner pushes back, the narcissist might turn things around—perceive themselves as the victim and blame their partner, which allows them to further devalue them.
Do Narcissists Come Back to Relationships? Yes, they often do come back to relationships. A narcissist will repeat their cycle of abuse as long as they need you as a supply. Even their distressing discard performance will leave you in a firm belief they're done with you; a narcissist will come back.
Summary: For most people, narcissism wanes as they age. A new study reports the magnitude of the decline of narcissistic traits is tied to specific career and personal relationship choices. However, this is not true for everyone.
If a narcissist is interested in you, you might notice that they shower you with admiration and attention shortly after you meet them. They might be quick to say “I love you,” put you on a pedestal, and make grand romantic gestures.
Do Narcissists come back after dumping you? Yes! They most often come back after ending the relationship if there is still enough supply for them.
According to Dr. Darlene Lancer, many narcissists can only sustain a relationship for six months to a few years (at the most). Keep in mind, though, we're talking about one four-stage cycle. Too often, a narcissist will initiate the cycle again, training their target to expect them to come back.
Generally speaking, however, narcissists do not have healthy relationships. They can be very demanding and controlling, which leads to a lot of conflict and unhappiness in the marriage. Studies show that narcissists are more likely to get divorced than people who do not have a narcissistic personality disorder.
So, in short, the answer is yes, a narcissist will continue to come back after “no contact” until their targets cut off all forms of narcissistic supply, leaving them no choice but to go find other prey upon which to feed.
Narcissists may show you love and act in loving ways, but this tends to be conditional, in that displays of love depend on what you can give them in return. For people with NPD, relationships tend to be transactional. Love is not self-serving, proud, boastful, exploitative, or envious.
Narcissistic partners act as if they are always right, that they know better and that their partner is wrong or incompetent. This often leaves the other person in the relationship either angry and trying to defend themselves or identifying with this negative self-image and feeling badly about themselves.
A narcissist will avoid divorce because they will have to let go of the person they think they have full control over. They feel entitled to something other than what's best for everyone. When they hear compromise, they think “unfair”. They don't know the middle road, they don't accept concessions.