Not only is it counterproductive to point out that someone should lose some weight, it's harmful to her health as well. A study in the journal Obesity says people who feel stigmatized because they carry too many pounds suffer a form of stress that can increase health risks. It's a two-part problem, experts say.
Ultimately, we don't have the right to tell our partners to lose weight. We can, however, communicate our motive behind wanting them to lose weight if it will benefit their health, but ultimately we have to respect their decision on if they actively want to lose weight, or not.
Things You Shouldn't Say to Someone Trying to Lose Weight
Better yet, remove food as the focus of your time together and invite them to join you for other activities. “I know someone that lost 50 pounds on a special diet.” Don't offer anecdotes about people you know who succeeded or failed on popular or fad diet plans.
But not so fast, experts say. Weight loss is a sensitive topic and a personal choice. If you wish to talk to your friend or family member about it, taking a mindful approach can help you get your message across, if it is welcome, without hurting your loved one's feelings.
Asking someone his or her weight is rude and invasive and it downgrades the immense effort it took to create the weight loss to a simple number. Think of it this way: how much someone has lost is as private as their current weight, age or salary. 2.
Always say “thank you” when someone gives you a "compliment." If my body is inherently in need of improvement, then when someone tells me I've lost weight, it's supposed to be a compliment. And instinctively, when I hear anything complimentary, I say thank you.
It's about reaffirming his preferences. He wants you to know that is his ideal body type. Understandably if your body doesn't fit the bill, you're going to feel like he wants you to lose weight to look like that.
Avoid saying things like, “You keep gaining weight,” or, “I notice you eating at night after you've already had dinner.” It's tempting to speak about the details that led to your concern about weight, but try to keep the discussion focused on the real issue: your concern for their overall health and quality of life.
Come from a place of respect, love, and empathy. You might say: “Hey, I know you've been thinking about losing weight lately. I know we've both gained some weight the past year, and I think changing our diet to get to a healthier place is a great idea.”
"Wanting your partner to change their lifestyle is very legitimate if it's based on a concern for your partner's physical and emotional well being," he continued. "No one wants to watch the person they love self destruct or fall into self-defeating patterns.
Weight loss or appetite changes.
Due to the way toxic relationships can lower self-esteem, plus the stress they cause, this can result in appetite changes and weight loss, Melamed says.
They might be well-intentioned, but if comments or even compliments about your body are getting you down, you need to let your partner know. If they continue to make comments after you've asked them to stop, be more stern and let them know again how seriously you take this.
They may feel personally and sexually more attracted to you. However, contrary to cultural preferences, your partner may find the weight loss less sexually attractive. Or, your partner may fear that you will look elsewhere, for someone “better,” and so may also respond with increased jealousy.
Whether you want to believe it or not, it's probably not necessary for you to tell someone they've gained weight. They have the same access to mirrors and scales that you do. If they're not making a change, they may not want to focus on their weight status.
Put yourself in others shoes, telling people they gained weight is not just unhelpful, but also a little hurtful and inconsiderate. If the roles were reversed, you would also be hurt as well. They are many ways to help a person but telling them they gained weight is not a good way.
Telling someone you love they need to lose weight may sound funny, even offensive, to people who advocate against body-shaming. But in the end, honesty is the best policy. Being overweight is directly related to physical appearance. It may be shallow and superficial, but it is also directly related to overall health.
Someone jealous of your weight loss might criticize your methods (“your diet was unhealthy”), your looks (“you have more wrinkles now that you have less fat”), and even forecast your future failure (“everyone regains, you will too”). This kind of negativity is unhealthy for you and your relationship.
“Men usually worry about their stomach or abs, just like women, but they can also have insecurities about being underweight,” therapist Katie Leikam says.
According to a study conducted by researchers at Harvard Medical School, the hormone released during the process of falling in love may actually help in suppressing your appetite.
You can compliment someone's outfit or hairstyle, for example, but telling someone “You look great, have you lost weight?” ultimately translates to, “You look good because you're smaller and thinner.” We start to internalize the idea that other people are monitoring our bodies, which perpetuates societal pressure to be ...