People look up exes due to curiosity (what are they doing?), nostalgia, fear of missing out, hoping for reconciliation, loneliness, or even to see if the ex is “doing worse” or has changed. It's a way to fill the void left by the relationship, maintain a familiar habit, or seek validation, though it often hinders healing by preventing true separation and moving on, notes Psychology Today and this Medium article.
The most obvious one is curiosity. By no longer having a person in our lives, a kind of substitute is sought in that virtual presence. “We're curious to know what [our ex] is doing, or who they're with… by obtaining that information, a pseudo-connection is produced,” the psychologist notes.
The "3-3-3 rule" for breakups is a guideline suggesting 3 days for emotional release, 3 weeks for reflection, and 3 months for intentional rebuilding/healing, helping people process a split in stages. It's a simplified framework for managing grief, contrasting with longer models, and aims to create space for personal growth by focusing on self-improvement and gaining perspective after the initial shock of the breakup, though individual healing times vary greatly and aren't set in stone.
So, each time you check their profile, you're not just reopening old wounds — -you're potentially making them deeper. Checking an ex's social media can provide a temporary sense of connection or information, but it can also hinder the emotional healing process.
"It's not cheating to keep an eye on an ex, but it can make things more complicated emotionally. When curiosity turns into obsession, constant comparison, or emotional investment, it can hurt your current relationship," mentions Arora.
Whether it's due to seeking distraction or closure, or just not feeling ready to let go of an ex, many people have found themselves continuously engaging in this behavior. When you're struggling to move on and a breakup feels fresh, it's human nature to feel tempted to check what your ex is up to.
The "65% rule of breakups" refers to findings from relationship studies suggesting couples often separate when their satisfaction drops to about 65% of its maximum potential, indicating the relationship's decline becomes unsustainable. Another interpretation is that if you're 65% sure the relationship isn't working, it's time to consider ending it, highlighting that prolonged periods of feeling just "okay" (the other 35%) signal emotional disconnect. Essentially, it's a threshold where dissatisfaction outweighs positive feelings, leading to a breakup.
But it does provide some rough guidelines as to how soon may be too soon to make long-term commitments and how long may be too long to stick with a relationship. Each of the three numbers—three, six, and nine—stands for the month that a different common stage of a relationship tends to end.
One such phenomenon that psychologists and relationship experts are paying closer attention to is “orbiting.” The term refers to when someone ends a romantic or personal relationship but continues to stay connected online — watching stories, liking posts, or occasionally commenting — without any direct communication.
Signs the spark is gone in a relationship often involve a decline in physical intimacy (less sex, touching, kissing), reduced or negative communication (criticism, stonewalling, no deep talks), emotional distance (feeling detached, irritable), and a lack of shared enjoyment or effort (avoiding time together, no dates, less interest in the future). It's a shift from excitement and vulnerability to routine or resentment, where the desire for deep connection and shared passion fades.
The "72-hour rule" after a breakup generally means implementing a period of no contact for at least three days (72 hours) to allow intense emotions to subside, enabling clearer thinking and a less impulsive reaction, whether that's reaching out or making big decisions. This time helps move you from shock into processing, calming the brain's emergency response, and setting a healthier foundation for recovery and deciding next steps, preventing you from acting solely from heartbreak.
They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, according to Mental-Health-Matters.
Stalkers targeting ex-partners (a larger subgroup than those targeting acquaintances or strangers) were found most likely to possess Cluster B personality disorders, with traits of dependent, schizoid and avoidant personality.
Men share 10 biggest green flags they have seen in women and it's eye-opening
The Psychology Behind Orbiting
There are a handful of reasons somebody might exhibit orbiting behavior; social media users say they might do it out of curiosity, jealousy, or loneliness.
Social media has made orbiting—the dating offense of staying in touch, but out of reach—easier than ever.
Relationships ebb and flow. Plus, if you and your S.O. survived the dreaded two-year mark (i.e. the most common time period when couples break up), then you're destined to be together forever…
The 777 dating rule is a relationship strategy for intentional connection, suggesting couples schedule a date every 7 days, an overnight getaway every 7 weeks, and a longer vacation every 7 months to keep the spark alive, build memories, and prevent disconnection from daily life. It's about consistent, quality time, not necessarily grand gestures, and focuses on undivided attention to strengthen intimacy and partnership over time.
The 3-squeeze rule involves kissing your partner post-squeeze. The 3-squeeze rule is a trend that's currently going viral on TikTok. It's defined by kissing your partner after they've squeezed your hand 3 times.
The four behaviors that predict over 90% of divorces, known as Dr. John Gottman's "Four Horsemen," are Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling, which erode connection, respect, and safety, leading to relationship breakdown. These destructive communication patterns, if persistent, signal that a marriage is likely to end, with contempt being the most damaging.
This is the “withdrawal” stage of breakup recovery, and it's bad. Worst yet, people can get stuck in this stage for a really long time, especially if you're still in contact with your Ex, or you're still following them on social media.
Signs of unhealthy boundaries include excessive communication and emotional manipulation. They also include invading personal space and disrespecting new relationships. Examples include frequent unannounced visits and sharing personal information without consent.