INFJs are empathetic, patient listeners and loyal friends, but they may shut down when others push them too far. The Counselor personality has a cold, closed side, and it can be extremely hard to win them back as a friend when that relationship becomes strained.
We INFJs take our values very seriously. So, if an INFJ is in any sort of relationship with someone and they discover something unsettling about them—like something that goes against their values—they might stop responding to that person's texts. Or they may only respond occasionally to be polite.
There are several reasons why INFJs disappear. INFJs disappear because, as introverts, they need time alone to recharge. They retreat when they want to process their thoughts alone. If you have hurt an INFJ or overstepped any boundaries, they will pull away.
An INFJ will also ignore you or be cold, distant and quiet if you've offended them or hurt their feelings in some way.
INFJ: Superficiality
Superficial conversations about gossipy topics or small talk don't usually interest an INFJ, so it can be a major turn-off when someone is too eager to stick to the surface level of communication. Shallow conversations and frivolous topics can make an INFJ feel bored, disconnected, and uninspired.
INFJs are perfectionists. Their compulsion for perfection can be harmful to the INFJ themselves, but it can also push people away. The INFJs high expectations can make their partners feel like they are never good enough.
Kindness. As sensitive personalities, INFJs feel attracted to people who show kindness towards others.
INFJs are sensitive souls who are easily overwhelmed, but they have their limits. If they feel stressed by their environment, or the people in it, they'll tend to cry or become very quiet and want to be alone.
The INFJ door slam happens when an INFJ “slams the door” on your relationship. They shut down and block you out, often with little or no explanation. This reaction can be jarring, especially for the person on the receiving end of the door slam.
Yes, the INFJ could be withdrawing from you because they realize they aren't really interested in you in that way. They may want to remain friends, but they're afraid to say those words out loud, in case they lose a relationship with you completely.
INFJs often lock out their emotions when they're upset. These often try to process their thoughts before reacting, which is why they might keep quiet or shut people out when aggrieved. The last thing they'd want to do is to react without consideration.
They either leave if they weren't comfortable, if you hurt them, didn't respect their boundaries or if the relationship/friendship wasn't healthy. If they left you in bad terms then they will never come back. If they left you in good terms or basically cut contact with you then probably 50% they may come.
INFJs tend to take rejection personally. They want to feel valued by others and may feel frustrated when other people don't seem to like them.
Some people can think that this behavior is passive-aggressive or that INFJs are giving them the “silent treatment.” However, this quiet stage is an INFJs way of sorting out the information through intuition and thinking without getting overwhelmed by the emotions of everyone else.
They might talk. But they will seem totally uninterested. They won't ask you anything about your well being or your life which they normally might (if they care). It will feel like they are a completely different person.
INFJs find it easy to communicate with people of various types and on a variety of topics. However, INFJs can occasionally come across as somewhat reserved in their communication. Yet what they do when they appear reserved is taking time to sort out their feelings and thoughts of other people or current events.
The final sign that an INFJ is about to door-slam someone is that we become apathetic. By this point, we have lost all interest in the relationship and will no longer fight for it. At this stage, we have no energy left to argue. We will be calm and collected when we tell you that we're done.
When I surveyed INFJs about their flirting styles, more than anything, they expressed a deep desire to connect emotionally with someone they liked. They will be more emotionally open, express more of their deeper longings, and become more vulnerable with you if they like you.
A heartbroken INFJ might think they should never have trusted this person in the first place and eat themselves up with guilt. They might get angry and defensive, scared of ever letting another person in. It's okay to feel those things, but it's not healthy to stay there long-term.
INFJ INFJs actually do become very upset if their loved ones ignore them for a long time.
Unhealthy INFJs either leave conflict directly or insist that other people “make up” as quickly as possible. This is because INFJs tend to absorb the feelings of the people they are with, which means if there is anger or frustration in the environment they feel stressed or frustrated.
In order for the door to be re-opened, the INFJ must feel that the other person will no longer hurt them. They must believe the other person is sorry for the pain they caused — and they understand why their actions were damaging.
At their best, INFJs make modest, reliable teammates, and allow others to take the lead. INFJs may undervalue their own needs, ideas, and contributions, acting overly shy and not taking credit when due. At their worst, INFJs can be excessively submissive, ineffectual, and too dependent on direction from others.
INFJs are no exception to this rule, and when they become overly stressed they may display a dark side that includes angry outbursts, obsessive worrying, perfectionism, or even depression. When INFJs first encounter stress, they start to behave very true-to-type.