Why will my baby not sleep without being held? Two of the most common reasons that your baby won't sleep unless in your arms are that your baby feels most secure in your arms or that your baby is uncomfortable (he might need to burp, have silent reflux or gas).
Try offering some gentle but not overly stimulating comfort until baby falls asleep. Hold their hand or place your palm on their chest, suggests Zentz. “Then, each day, gradually wean off the amount of support as their skill set of independent sleep sharpens.”
Your child's vestibular sense senses the sudden change in position. Through sensory inputs from the skin, joints and muscles their proprioception tells them their body is in a different place in relation to their environment. Understandably, a sudden change in position and movement can wake a person up.
Many families use some form of the CIO or extinction method to encourage babies to self-soothe. This involves putting babies in their crib while awake and letting them cry for a certain amount of time until soothing them, or avoiding soothing entirely until they fall asleep unassisted.
Help your baby get used to falling asleep by themselves (and in their bassinet) by putting them in bed when they are drowsy but still haven't quite dozed off. This gives them the chance to fall asleep when they are in their bed rather than in your arms.
When should you start sleep training? Dr. Schwartz recommends to begin sleeping training when your baby is about four months old. At this age, babies are typically old enough to learn to self soothe, and may no longer require night feedings.
To promote your bed-sleep connection, follow the quarter-of-an-hour rule: if you notice that you aren't asleep within around 15 minutes of going to bed, try getting out of bed, go to another room go through your wind down routine until you are feeling sleepy-tired and ready to return to bed for sleep.
It's OK to let your baby cry if the baby doesn't seem sick and you've tried everything to soothe your baby. You can try to leave your baby alone in a safe place, such as a crib, for about 10 to 15 minutes. Many babies need to cry before they can fall asleep. And they'll nod off faster if you leave them to cry.
To your little one, your warm, familiar, subtly moving body is so much more welcoming than that quiet and still bassinet. Quite simply, when your baby is nestled in your arms, they're reminded of the womb, complete with gentle movements, a snug embrace, and the comforting sound of your heartbeat.
Contrary to popular myth, it's impossible for parents to hold or respond to a baby too much, child development experts say. Infants need constant attention to give them the foundation to grow emotionally, physically and intellectually.
Babies love to be held, touched and reassured that you're there, so settling in a cot on their own can often be difficult for them. Your baby's missing your touch and attention, and they're letting you know about it (NHS, 2019). From their very first hours of life, babies will cry when separated from their mothers.
It may help to know you are not alone and that it is very normal for newborns to want to be held against your warm body, close to your comforting heartbeat – in fact, many experts call this the 'fourth trimester' .
“If your baby has only slept on an adult, by six months, they will know this is the only way to nap and will become quite upset when you attempt to deviate from the norm,” warns Dubief. “If you don't want to let them nap on you for the long haul, gradually backing out of it earlier—starting at three months—is ideal.”
Babies are generally developmentally ready to be sleep trained at 4 to 6 months. By about 5 to 6 months, they can sleep through the night without needing to eat, making it a good time to try the CIO method.
“Assuming there are no medical issues, there is no harm in a baby's excessive crying,” he says. “They may get a hoarse voice, but they will eventually get tired and stop crying. Your baby may also get a little gassy from swallowing air while crying, but that's OK.
You start with letting your little one cry for just a few minutes before briefly checking on them. As the night goes on, you gradually increase those response times until your baby falls asleep independently. Your baby's intervals of crying should be no longer than 10 minutes.
Sleepless nights are common in new parenthood, but they do not last forever. Most babies will begin to sleep for longer periods at night from the age of 6 months old. Newborn babies need to feed every few hours until the age of 3 months. After this, it is normal for infants to feed once or twice during the night.
Learn about common sleep regressions
These typically come on quickly and last for 2 to 6 weeks! If you're ready for your baby to stop fighting sleep and start loving sleep, check out my Baby D.R.E.A.M. System. I'll walk you through the process of getting your baby the sleep they need!
Try swaddling
If your baby hasn't started to show any signs of rolling over yet, it's still safe to swaddle them - and it could be a great way of calming an overtired baby!