A study has shown activity in the pain-related brain regions when a person is rejected. Rejection also affects a person's psychological state. Humans need to have feelings of connection with others; there is just a need to belong.
Oftentimes, people don't understand exactly why they've been rejected, which can lead to a downward spiral of negative introspection and an overall sense of not feeling “good enough.” Social and romantic rejection can be especially traumatic and negative for our self esteem.
The psychological effects of rejection include the fear or reaction to an event that causes you to pull away from others. Often, that leads to anger, resentment, reservation, anxiety, depression, and sadness. Everyone wants to feel loved and accepted – it is one of the necessities you need to survive in the world.
There may be a sense of humiliation (feeling like a fool), intense emotional distress (profound unhappiness), and low self-esteem (believing that one is unlovable). In many ways, romantic rejection has parallels to bereavement, i.e., mourning the loss of a loved one.
“Few things in life are more traumatic than being rejected by someone who knows you well and then, with this insight, decides that she or he no longer cares for you or wants to be with you,” Dweck said, adding that romantic rejection, in particular, poses a tremendous threat to the self.
Yet psychiatrists and neuroscientists currently divide romantic rejection into two general phases: protest and resignation/despair.
A breakup, or rejection from a romantic partner, can lead to feelings of grief that may be overwhelming and can last for weeks, months, or even years. Rejection in a romantic relationship might alter the way one views one's life and one's own self long after the breakup has occurred.
This proved true even for tsetse flies in lab experiments. (See “Obsessions and Love Addiction.”) Most people start to feel better 11 weeks following rejection and report a sense of personal growth; similarly after divorce, partners start to feel better after months, not years.
Rejection is a breeding ground for obsession. Whether you've found yourself hypnotised by a recent ex, fixated on someone who denies you the time of day, or you're addicted to the thrill of the chase, wanting someone you can't have can lead to irrational thoughts and behaviours.
The answer is Dopamine. A drug like chemical that pulsates the body in search of pleasure. The dopamine-driven reward loop triggers a rush of euphoric drug-like highs when chasing a crush and the desire to experience them repeatedly.
Social rejection can influence emotion, cognition and even physical health. Ostracized people sometimes become aggressive and can turn to violence. In 2003 Leary and colleagues analyzed 15 cases of school shooters, and found all but two suffered from social rejection (Aggressive Behavior, 2003).
In conclusion, rejection is a painful human experience that can be even more intense than a breakup with a romantic partner. This is because rejection threatens our sense of belongingness, undermines our self-esteem, triggers feelings of shame and humiliation, and lacks closure.
Key points. Romantic rejection stimulates parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward, addiction, and cravings. Being romantically rejected can be a familiar feeling that mirrors one's childhood, leading that person to seek out more of the same.
Rejection can take a major toll on your self-esteem and often leads to deep emotional wounds and wounds in your spirit that open up doors that cause you to experience other negative emotions, including depression, fear, doubt, isolation, self-pity, suicidal thoughts, people pleasing, double-mindedness, eating disorders ...
Don't take it personally
It's not you, it's me is one of those cliched phrases we've heard so many times that it sounds hollow now, but it's really the truth when it comes to romantic rejections.
The same areas of our brain become activated when we experience rejection as when we experience physical pain. That's why even small rejections hurt more than we think they should, because they elicit literal (albeit, emotional) pain.
Key points. fMRI studies show that an experience of rejection and an experience of physical pain can both activate the same areas of the brain. Humans have a fundamental need to belong to a group, making rejection all the more painful.
As long as you don't make a big problem about it and deal with the rejection maturely, then this person can still be in your life if they want to be. Sometimes, it can be the start of a really good friendship so don't go cutting any ties because it didn't work out romantically.
Personally I'd say rejection. You feel as if you didn't get a chance and not good enough for the other person. With a break up at least you had an experience and felt a close bond with someone even if it may not have ended the way you wanted it.
These include: Poor communication can erode the connection people have. Initial feelings of lust fade with time, which can make feelings of love seem less intense. People change over time, which may mean that people simply grow apart.
What is a hopeless romantic? A hopeless romantic maintains a utopian, sentimental perspective on love regardless of negative past experiences or contrasting information. Against all odds, this person loves love and thinks of it as a blissful experience, even when it's not.