A narcissist's pathological envy arises from their need to be the best, their excessive sense of entitlement to being the center of attention at all times, with the most fame, wealth, and status.
Other people receiving praise (particularly for what the narcissist wants to be told is special about them) triggers feelings of deep envy and self-loathing in narcissists. Narcissists want the accolades for themselves, and they target people with gifts and qualities they envy to try to co-opt them.
It's a misconception that narcissists abuse people they feel superior to, even though that's sometimes, but more rarely, true. More frequently, they mistreat those whom they perceive of as threats to their incessant need for dominance, putting their victims in their place to manage their envy of them.
A pathologically envious narcissistic personmay even go so far as to sabotage your success or try to surpass you in a way that brings them back into the limelight. In the context of larger social groups, a successful targetwill often be humiliated by the perpetrator who can 'recruit' allies to join in on the bullying.
The reason youve found yourself the target of narcissistic hatred is that they view love as a weakness and consequently, it repulses them. But, at the same time, it allows them to extract copious amounts of narcissistic supply. This is why they seem to hate you but wont let you go easily.
Narcissistic rage is common for those with NPD as they grow increasingly angry with any display of vulnerability. This anger can be triggered when they are “called out,” their image has been damaged, or their shortcomings or wrongdoings are highlighted.
It comes hand-in-hand with this that narcissists hate being criticised or called out. Which is exactly why there's one word in particular narcissistic people cannot stand: "no".
First, a partner who projects his or her jealousy onto a person may be displaying signs of narcissism. The partner may not be able to cope with the negative emotion, so he or she defends against it by “seeing” it in a mate. The partner then feels entitled to accuse and criticize the person.
Grooming a person, manipulating her into doubting her feelings, generating shame regarding her best qualities, and manipulatively creating dependency are four ways a narcissist destroys a person from the inside out.
It often involves extravagant confessions of love, romantic gestures, fake remorse, and empty promises of change. A narcissist will use baiting to keep their narcissistic supply in place. In the case of hoovering, their intention is not just to provoke you, but also to have you back in their life.
By adulthood, envious states, while unpleasant, are manageable. What makes the narcissist different? Narcissism develops within a personality structure organized at avoiding contact with shame. In apparent defiance of shame, there is a heightened focus on maintenance of an inflated sense of self-worth.
The narcissist will condition someone into believing that these toxic behaviors are normal. As the bonding deepens, the person being abused will feel more and more like they need validation from the abuser, giving the abuser more power and leading to further manipulation.
Breakups with narcissists don't always end the relationship. Many won't let you go, even when it's they who left the relationship, and even when they're with a new partner. They won't accept “no.”
Narcissists hate strong people that are not afraid to set boundaries and let them know their behavior is not acceptable. Since they crave power and control and may use manipulation or other tactics to maintain it.
It is because of this that they may find it difficult to understand other people's feelings or perspectives, a self-centredness that can cause them to act selfishly and exploit others for their own gain. “As narcissists do not have empathy, they are not able to genuinely care or love you,” explains Davey.
New research suggests that people who have a high level of narcissistic traits strategically induce jealousy in their mates as a way to meet certain goals: Control, in some cases, or a boost in their self-esteem.
It is a misconception that narcissists target weak, vulnerable people because they will be easier to manipulate. They actually go for the exact opposite. They look for people who are confident, successful, attractive and strong-willed.
So, the narcissist will pick out a victim who has a problem loving themselves and who will idealize them, feeling dependent on their opinion and validation for a sense of own worth.
Individuals who are in recovery after a relationship with a narcissistic partner describe feelings of confusion, procrastination, low self-esteem, fear of failure, and worthlessness. A narcissistic abuser may use financial abuse to keep the victim trapped in the relationship.
As a result, victims become depressed, anxious, lack confidence and they may hide from the spotlight and allow their abusers to steal the show again and again. Realize that your abuser is not undercutting your gifts because they truly believe you are inferior; it is because those gifts threaten their control over you.
Narcissists' Greatest Fear
Although narcissists act superior, entitled and boastful, underneath their larger-than-life facade lies their greatest fear: That they are ordinary. For narcissists, attention is like oxygen. Narcissists believe only special people get attention.