Staying connected with others is the most important life line any of us has. And yet, as naturally inclined to connect as most people with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) are, their shame and negativity can grow so intense as to lead them to cut themselves off.
If you have ADHD, you may often feel like you are different from everyone else around you. You're not alone in this experience – this feeling of being “different” can lead to feelings of loneliness and alienation, making it difficult for those with ADHD to make and maintain meaningful connections with others.
Interpersonal Relationships
Individuals with adult ADHD may appear as one of two extremes: withdrawn and antisocial, preferring to spend their time alone; or overly social and unable to easily endure even brief periods of solitude.
Individuals with ADHD often see themselves as misunderstood, unappreciated, and attacked for no reason. Alienation is a common theme. Many think that only another person with ADHD could possibly “get” them.
The Mini ADHD Coach Medical Advisor says: “Zoning out is a common core symptom of Inattentive-type ADHD when your brain involuntarily shifts focus from the task at hand. The reason this occurs is due to the differences in connectivity between brain networks that conduct where you should (or want to) focus.
While most frequently seen in individuals with autism spectrum disorders (ASD) and Alzheimer's, wandering behavior can occur with numerous other diagnoses, including Down syndrome, intellectual disability, anxiety and ADHD.
Differences in emotions in people with ADHD can lead to 'shutdowns', where someone is so overwhelmed with emotions that they space out, may find it hard to speak or move and may struggle to articulate what they are feeling until they can process their emotions.
Maintaining friendships can be a struggle for adults with ADHD. Hammer provides some insight into the challenges of ADHD as they relate to social relationships, along with tips to help you improve them.
The problem: The social maturity of children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD or ADD) may be a few years behind that of their peers. In addition, they have difficulty reading verbal and physical social cues, misinterpreting remarks, or not getting jokes or games.
Common ADHD-Related Problems
Impulsive spending or overspending. Starting fights or arguing. Trouble maintaining friendships and romantic relationships. Speeding and dangerous driving.
Their shyness may also be a result of their symptoms. A person with Inattentive ADHD type can easily feel embarrassed due to inattention, so they may choose to stay quiet and avoid any possible wrongdoings or mistakes ❌.
But on the other hand, ADHD brains become bored quite easily. This can show up in our relationships when the initial spark that drew us to someone can quickly wane as we grow accustomed to our relationships.
Mood swings are common in people with ADHD. People with this disorder can be hypersensitive, too. That means sensations, like touch, that may feel normal to another person can feel too intense for someone with ADHD.
The takeaway. Some characteristics of ADHD mimic the traits of selfishness. The symptoms can make you seem as if you are concerned only with yourself, even when this isn't true. Selfishness normally carries with it the intention that you care only for yourself – symptoms of ADHD do not.
If you have ADHD, you might have greater “postural sway,” meaning your body sways more to stay balanced. Whether you're standing or sitting, your body is always seeking balance. Even without your conscious effort, your muscles and sensory system constantly work to keep you from falling over.
They can easily sense the social cues of detachment through our non-verbal gestures. This awareness alone can make us feel socially awkward because we struggle to keep up with what they say or mask our inattentive symptoms. Another thing about our inattention is it makes us less perceptive of how people are acting.
They might feel badly about the way their symptoms affect others, or they might not care. Although there are differences in brain function to consider, ADHDers can also be just like neurotypical people in that they can have varying levels of empathy.
Be on the lookout for nonverbal clues.
These include body language, such as moving away from you, cutting conversations short, or crossing their arms or legs. Also note facial expressions, such as red faces, scowls, tight lips, or hurt or angry eyes.
It's a common ADHD experience that I call 'involuntary ghosting' - a phenomenon that describes the disappearing act that happens when ADHDers forget to respond to texts.
Adults with ADHD tend to do or say things without thinking. They might blurt out something insensitive, or make a big purchase without looking at their finances or having a discussion with you first. Their impulsive tendencies can often lead to reckless, even destructive actions.
Making friends can be particularly difficult for girls with ADHD. Hyperactive and impulsive girls sometimes have trouble taking turns or not getting their way. They might be too loud and aggressive, or just seem immature to other girls their age.
It is often characterized by feelings of overwhelming fatigue, reduced productivity, and a sense of hopelessness or despair. Those experiencing ADHD burnout may find it even more challenging than usual to initiate and complete tasks, maintain focus and attention, and regulate their emotions.
Studies suggest that ADHD-driven emotional sensitivity in people makes them struggle to cope with rejection. This rejection may be as simple as having a friend say no to you or as big as not being accepted for a job you applied for.
ADHD burnout is often something a little deeper. It refers to the cycle of overcommitting and overextending that leads to fatigue in people with ADHD. It involves taking on too many tasks and commitments, and then the subsequent exhaustion that happens when we're unable to fulfill all of our obligations.
Having ADHD means you have a brain thats hungry for reward, stimulation, something interesting. Uninteresting tasks dont fulfill that need, which is why we tend to have a hard time sustaining focus on them. Essentially, sitting still is the perfect example of an “uninteresting task” thats unrewarding and unstimulating.