As humans, we are naturally going to get pulled in different directions as we move through life. We are always growing and changing. Our interests, priorities, and opinions also change over time. Your spouse will not be the same person you married, they will evolve through their life, as you should.
It can be easy for couples to grow apart over time, particularly when each person has responsibilities and commitments that pull them in other directions. Without realizing it, these forces can start to put people on differing paths, often to the point where they feel disconnected from each other.
Routine, responsibilities, unresolved conflict, and not spending quality time together are just a few reasons couples grow apart. “Long-term relationships require ongoing intentionality and commitment,” explains Elyssa Helfer, a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sexologist in Los Angeles.
Usually, married couples in their 20s have sex 80 times a year, whereas those in their 60s are likely to engage in sex only about 20 times annually.
The defense mechanism of denial no longer works. Instead what is revealed is prolonged hurt, deep seeded resentment, a lack of forgiveness, virtually no real communication, and zero intimacy. A marriage falling apart after such a long duration isnt about a lack of commitment.
While there are countless divorce studies with conflicting statistics, the data points to two periods during a marriage when divorces are most common: years 1 – 2 and years 5 – 8. Of those two high-risk periods, there are two years in particular that stand out as the most common years for divorce — years 7 and 8.
Not seeing a future together. Feeling unsure whether you still love each other. No longer feeling happy, excited, or full of joy when you're together. Feeling bored or irritated around each other.
When a couple stops sleeping together, a distance is created between the two that occurs naturally within the relationship. This may occur without either person realizing it at first, but it can grow and put a strain on the relationship and the bond between both partners.
Most 60-year-old men look for someone who shares their interests and values. Someone with a similar life philosophy to discuss the topics they both find interesting, make decisions as a couple, in unity, and enjoy activities they both enjoy.
In the New England Journal of Medicine study, though just over a quarter of participants ages 75 to 85 said they had sex in the last year, more than half that group had sex at least two to three times a month. And almost one-quarter of those having sex were doing it once a week — or more.
Couples with an age gap of 1 to 3 years (with the man older than the woman) were the most common and had the greatest levels of satisfaction. Relationship satisfaction decreased slightly for couples with age gaps of 4 to 6 years and continued to decrease for couples with an age gap of 7 or more years.
Reasons Older Couples Split
Some couples say they focused on raising children for so many years, they neglected their own relationship. They hardly know each other anymore. They have no shared interests, and literally don't do anything together.
Many people assume that age-gap couples fare poorly when it comes to relationship outcomes. But some studies find the relationship satisfaction reported by age-gap couples is higher. These couples also seem to report greater trust and commitment and lower jealousy than similar-age couples.
Lack of commitment, financial challenges, and infidelity are some of the leading causes of divorce in the world.
The average length of a first marriage that ends in divorce is roughly eight years—7.8 years for men, 7.9 for women. Moving into second marriages that end in divorce, the timeline shortens somewhat. In these cases, the median length for men is 7.3 years, while for women it drops to 6.8 years.
But some couples defy the rule and get back together again after weeks, years, or even decades apart. Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel, Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard, and even the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are just some examples of famous couples who called it quits only to get back together again.
The best way to build a healthy and satisfying sex life during this age is to have a conversation with the partner about how they like to be touched, kissed, sucked, prefer position, penetrated, etc. Also, make her feel comfortable and confident to engage in sexual activities at this age.
You won't age out of sex.
But a comprehensive national study of sexuality and health among older adults shows that most people want and need sex well past 60, and continue to have it often—even well into their 80s.
A study from the University of Bath in the U.K. shows that the odds of finding love after 60 are 1 in 562 – but only if you leave meeting the love of your life to fate. However, if you act proactively and take some steps to meet new people, you will likely improve your odds of finding love after 60.
Over a third of Americans are "sleep-divorced," or sleep in separate beds. Sleeping in different rooms can improve sleep quality and make you miss each other more. A therapist shares how to tell if it's right for you and how to broach the topic with a partner.
Common causes for a loss of sexual desire and drive in women include: Interpersonal relationship issues. Partner performance problems, lack of emotional satisfaction with the relationship, the birth of a child, and becoming a caregiver for a loved one can decrease sexual desire.
Depression and anxiety can also arise to the lack of sexual satisfaction in a man's life. Sexual satisfaction is important to keep mental health problems in check. This can even lead to further physical problems like erectile dysfunction.
Red flags in a relationship include excessive jealousy and frequent lying. You should also be wary of a partner who frequently criticizes you or puts you down. Another major red flag is an unwillingness to compromise — relationships shouldn't be one-sided.
There's a term for this: walkaway wife syndrome. This term is sometimes used to describe instances where a spouse – often the wife – has felt alone, neglected, and resentful in a deteriorating marriage and decides it's time to end it.
Grey Divorce is the term referring to the rising rate in older adults, typically from long-lasting marriages, getting divorced. The term was coined as research showed the phenomenon of the overall divorce rate going down while the “grey-haired” demographic's rate of late-in-life divorce was on the rise.