Military personnel often marry young or quickly due to a mix of financial incentives (like housing allowances), the need for stability in a transient lifestyle, cultural norms emphasizing family, accelerated maturation from early responsibility, the desire to solidify relationships before deployments, and sometimes, unplanned pregnancies or simply falling in love amidst constant change. The military environment encourages marriage as a way to manage frequent moves and deployments, offering benefits and a family-oriented culture that supports quicker commitments.
Generally because they're young and are given positive incentives to get married (ie, earn more pay, move out of the barracks, etc.).
Enlisted recruits marrying before leaving for first deployment to ensure partner has legal access and to secure housing. Couples marrying during or immediately after training so the spouse can live on base or accompany the service member to the first duty station.
The 2-2-2 rule for marriage is a guideline to keep a relationship strong and connected: have a date night every two weeks, a weekend getaway every two months, and a week-long vacation every two years. This system encourages regular, intentional quality time, breaks from routine, and deeper connection by ensuring couples prioritize each other amidst daily life, work, and family, preventing stagnation and fostering fun.
In order to be eligible to continue receiving benefits, a 20/20/20 ex-spouse must provide proof that the military spouse provided at least 20 creditable years of service, was married to their spouse for at least 20 years, and that the marriage was concurrent with the service.
How much money do military spouses get? Military spouses do not receive pay directly from the military. However, military service members do get a one-time increase in their Basic Allowance for Housing (BAH) pay when their spouse (or other dependent) is enrolled in DEERS.
In addition, for orders dividing retired pay as property to be enforced under the USFSPA, a member and former spouse must have been married to each other for 10 years or more during which the member performed at least 10 years of military service creditable towards retirement eligibility (the 10/10 rule).
While many factors contribute, many experts point to poor communication (especially criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) and a breakdown in emotional connection/trust, often stemming from dishonesty or disrespect, as the #1 things that destroy marriages, eroding intimacy and making partners feel unheard and unloved over time. Infidelity, financial stress, and shifting priorities (like putting family/in-laws above spouse) are also major contributors that feed these core issues.
The 777 rule for marriage is a relationship guideline to keep couples connected by scheduling specific, regular quality time: a date night every 7 days, a night away (getaway) every 7 weeks, and a romantic holiday every 7 months, often without kids, to foster intimacy, reduce stress, and prevent routine from overtaking the relationship. It's about consistent, intentional efforts to prioritize the partnership.
survived the dreaded two-year mark (i.e. the most common time period when couples break up), then you're destined to be together forever… right? Unfortunately, the two-year mark isn't the only relationship test to pass, nor do you get to relax before the seven-year itch.
Just like with any other group of people, there are both faithful and unfaithful individuals among military guys. It's unfair to generalize an entire group based on the actions of a few. However, military life can be stressful and challenging, which can sometimes put a strain on relationships.
Frequent Moves and Deployments: Military life often involves frequent moves and long periods of separation due to deployments. This can put a strain on the relationship and require a great deal of patience and resilience.
Marrying a service member
In plain language: Men often feel most loved by the women in their lives when their partners hug them, kiss them, smile at them, and explicitly offer gratitude, praise, and words of affection.
This is perhaps the most important thing to understand – falling in love too quickly and too hard often indicates that you're in love with the idea of love, rather than the person themselves. When you're in love with love, it's easy to overlook flaws, ignore red flags, and rush into relationships.
But it does provide some rough guidelines as to how soon may be too soon to make long-term commitments and how long may be too long to stick with a relationship. Each of the three numbers—three, six, and nine—stands for the month that a different common stage of a relationship tends to end.
You know you're falling in love when your someone begins to take up major real estate in your thoughts. You might find yourself rehashing your conversations in the middle of work, thinking about your next date days in advance, or even envisioning your future together.
The 5-5-5 rule in marriage refers to two main communication techniques: one where couples spend 5 minutes each speaking and 5 minutes dialoguing (5-5-5), and another where a person asks if an issue will matter in 5 minutes, 5 days, and 5 years to gain perspective. Both methods aim to de-escalate conflict, encourage active listening, and focus on long-term understanding rather than immediate reactions, fostering healthier communication and connection.
The seven year itch refers to a time when couples may experience relationship satisfaction, dullness, or a need to change – sometimes due to emotional disconnection, external pressures, or fading novelty.
Gottman studied more than 2,000 married couples over two decades and found four attitudes that most predict the dissolution of a relationship, especially in combination. They are criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling — the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Among those who have ever married, Black Americans are the most likely to have gotten divorced (41%). Asian Americans are the least likely (16%). Americans who were born in the U.S. are more likely than those born outside the U.S. to have ever divorced (36% vs. 22%).
The four behaviors that predict over 90% of divorces, known as Dr. John Gottman's "Four Horsemen," are Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling, which erode connection, respect, and safety, leading to relationship breakdown. These destructive communication patterns, if persistent, signal that a marriage is likely to end, with contempt being the most damaging.
Scenario 1: The 20-20-20 Rule
20: You were married to the same sponsor or service member for at least 20 years. 20: All 20 years of marriage overlap the 20 years of creditable (active or reserve) service that counted toward your sponsor's retirement.
The 10/10 Rule states that if a couple has been married for at least ten years, during which the service member has completed at least ten years of creditable military service, the non-military spouse is entitled to receive a portion of the military retirement pay directly from the Defense Finance and Accounting ...
A former spouse who remarries before age 55 loses SBP eligibility; however, if the re-marriage ends in death, divorce, or annulment, eligibility is reinstated. A former spouse who remarries after age 55 does not lose eligibility.