“Male midlife crisis is about fear of dying. It's rooted in separation anxiety and fear of mortality. Many men still live and function under the archaic division of role models and beliefs about self-identity,” says Beverly Hills, California, family and relationship psychotherapist, Dr. Fran Walfish.
Some people try to escape the feelings of dissatisfaction by having affairs with younger women, gambling, or spending large amounts of money. This can be a difficult time for his loved ones as well, as he may exhibit signs of emotional instability, violent outbursts, or other midlife crisis behavior.
A midlife crisis is defined as a period of emotional turmoil in middle age, around 40 to 60 years old, characterized by a strong desire for change.
Some question their life choices and if it is too late to salvage their legacy. Some will become more vain and change their styles to keep up with the current trend. Some men stray away from their marriage and end up cheating on their spouses, also known as midlife crisis affairs.
Going Through a Midlife Crisis
In a span of 5 years, about 33% of those who had divorced said that they regret their decision to file for divorce. If the reasons for divorce aren't abuse and incompatibility, there is a high chance that the couple will regret getting a divorce.
Yes, sometimes people who leave in the throes of a midlife crisis do come back. Sometimes, their partner no longer wants them. But rather than concentrate your energy on your husband's behavior and choices, I hope you will take a long look at your own life. Deal with your grief and the profound loss and change.
While some people certainly do engage in these behaviors when they are experiencing a midlife crisis, for most a midlife crisis is characterized by a variety of symptoms that affect the mood, such as isolation, anxiety, boredom, regret and nostalgia.
Carl Jung (1875–1961), in his extensive writings, identified five stages associated with an innate, normal, and expected midlife transition: accommodation, separation, liminality, reintegration, and individuation.
Midlife crisis and depression have some common symptoms, including difficulty concentrating, insomnia, irritability, and reckless behavior. If the symptoms are persistent and show up every day, it's more likely to be depression.
Counseling often works to provide support and understanding that a male midlife crisis is normal and fairly common, which can often lead to preserving a marriage rather than having a marriage end in divorce.
In particular, when men go through a midlife crisis, infidelity may occur, and husbands can destroy their marriages. Despite the best efforts of spouses to work toward saving a marriage after infidelity, it may be impossible to return to the type of relationship you had before the cheating.
For some, this becomes a significant issue that affects their relationships and careers. This crisis can affect self-concept and self-confidence, leading to changes in moods, behaviors, emotions, and relationships as people cope with the transition to midlife.
Is a midlife crisis a mental illness? No, a mid-life crisis is not considered to be a mental illness.
"When crisis point is reached they go through a profound psychological breakdown, often accompanied by symptoms of stress, anxiety and depression." Yuko Nippoda, psychotherapist and spokesperson for the UK Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP), adds that lack of energy and stamina can trigger a midlife crisis.
Roughly 1/3rd of these affairs tend to be short term. A moment of weakness which I use to help two people learn and repair their lives. Another third will be more intense but still, burn out roughly around 7 to 9 months of time. I find that 90% of midlife affairs will fail over two years time.
But as we hit midlife, our BDNF levels have peaked and started to drop. And as Leuthardt points out, “reduced plasticity is associated with depression. So there's this perfect storm: Just when you've reached all your initial life goals and you're trying to figure out your next phase, your brain stops cooperating.”
Similar to the more widely recognized midlife crisis, the quarter-life crisis is a period of uncertainty and questioning that typically occurs when people feel trapped, uninspired and disillusioned during their mid-20s to early 30s.
The man experiencing a midlife crisis (or very difficult transition) can be tough to reach emotionally. He can become detached, depressed, anxious or irrational at times. He may fill up his time with seemingly superficial activities or become preoccupied with sex, mostly as a way of affirming his manhood.
A midlife crisis can be tumultuous for the person experiencing it and everyone around them. Impulsive, single-visioned, and self-centered behaviors can lead to actions that are hurtful and sure to cause regret. Cheating on your partner, divorce, and financial irresponsibility are common actions that lead to regrets.
Women initiate most of these divorces, often due to feeling unfulfilled or unsatisfied with their current lives. Other common causes include empty nest syndrome, lack of shared interests and hobbies, career dissatisfaction, depression in men going through a midlife crisis divorce and infidelity.
Straying From the Marriage
Whether due to a feeling of restlessness or a desire to reconfirm their sexual prowess, infidelity is a common symptom of a midlife crisis.