When we snoop, we're almost always searching for more information, said behavioral relationship expert and life coach Tracy Crossley. Snooping is often an impulse decision; people may not even be aware of what's actually motivating them to secretly search, beyond the need to confirm some vague suspicions.
Distract yourself with something else.
If your boyfriend is asleep and his phone is just right there, remove yourself from the space and go do something else. The more you can get your mind off of snooping, the better. You could also go for a walk, take a bubble bath, listen to new music, or play with a pet.
Unfortunately, snooping provides a reward that can be quite addictive – the snooper gathers information and they no longer fear being caught off guard or getting hurt. If they didn't find anything bad, the fear is finally relieved.
Why we feel the need to snoop through a partner's phone. Sex and relationships expert Rhian Kivits says there are some common motivations for feeling tempted to snoop: You're driven by insecurity and a lack of trust, fear that you'll find something that suggests disloyalty, and feel a need to prove yourself right.
If a relationship isn't healthy, then snooping is a response to external triggers, she says. "That said, it's still an unhealthy way of coping and there are better ways of addressing the issue."
Surprisingly though, 25% of study participants who had been snooped on decided to stay in the relationship and found that the partnership got stronger because of it.
While quickly snooping through a partner's phone may put your worries at ease, it could signify deeper relationship issues. The snooping behavior may be a sign of another problem. By understanding why you feel you need to look through your partner's phone, you can find an alternative way to approach the situation.
If your partner puts their phone face down on a table, it could be a sign that they're cheating on you, according to one couple therapist. Melissa Ferrari, a Sydney-based couples therapist, told WHIMN, “A phone that is suddenly placed face down after being years with someone would be a possible red flag.
Once you understand the reasons for the snooping, you can start to work on addressing the underlying issue. It is important to be honest with your partner about why you snooped. Don't try to make excuses or blame them for your actions. Just be willing to take responsibility for your behavior.
Phubbing is the habit of ignoring or snubbing another person in order to focus one's attention on their cell phone. Unfortunately, this can result in the companion feeling unimportant, cast aside, and frustrated. Phubbing can greatly impact a person's friendships, romantic relationships, and even their mental health.
If you have a habit of always checking your husband's phone when he goes to bed at night, make it a new habit to pick up a book during that time, or power his device down and put it in another room. When you feel the urge to open his email, go for a walk or remove yourself from the room for 10 minutes.
Addictions come in many forms. An addiction to a person involves obsessive thoughts about the relationship, feelings of hope, anticipation, waiting, confusion, and desperation. Addictive relationships are toxic and very powerful.
Laurel House, dating and empowerment expert and host of the Man Whisperer podcast, agrees that going through your partner's phone, in most cases, is not OK. She also says the desire to do so is a sign of deeper issues of a lack of confidence in the relationship.
Checking the phone does not help the relationship
More often than not, looking through your partner's phone leads to stalking, which is a serious invasion of one's privacy. As mentioned earlier, snooping leads to two outcomes - one, when you find something suspicious; two, when you do not find anything.
According to psychotherapist Rachel Morris, snooping is a way of avoiding confrontation or admitting to feelings of insecurity She says: “It's as though someone is saying, `I need reassurance but can't ask for it'. Most often it means that one or both partners struggle with honest, open communication.
Overly controlling behavior is a common red flag in relationships. People that try to control your movements, decisions, or beliefs are more concerned about what they want than what is best for you. If a guy or girl tries to control what you wear or where you go, this could be a red flag.
Is putting your phone face down a sign of cheating? 'The truth is that by the time the phone is switched to silent and face down it means that you have likely missed numerous red flags upon the journey. 'A big one is your partner seeming more distracted, less interested in you, kind of like they are elsewhere. '
First, there's body language. They might try to hold eye contact with you for a long time. You can also tell by the way they face you, square their hips towards you, and bring all their attention to you while you're talking. They will usually listen intently, and they might also spend a lot of time looking at you.
Phone a friend when you start obsessing or feel the urge to stalk. In addition to spending time with loved ones in general, lean on your support system when you need help in the moment. If you feel obsessive thoughts percolating, call a trusted friend or relative to redirect yourself.
Snooping is often an impulse decision; people may not even be aware of what's actually motivating them to secretly search, beyond the need to confirm some vague suspicions. If you often find yourself snooping (or are really tempted to), ask yourself what you're truly hoping to achieve, Crossley said.
It is a violation of both federal and state law to unlawfully intercept electronic communication. Any information obtained through this manner by a spouse in a family law case will be inadmissible in court.
Your insecurities come from the fear of judgment from other people. Checking his phone is a response to his behavior. You should never let other people's actions dictate yours. But checking your boyfriend's phone is a sign of insecurity (and I'm sure you wouldn't feel insecure with a boyfriend who treats you well).