You cry when yelled at due to trauma because your nervous system perceives yelling as a threat, triggering a stress response (fight/flight/freeze), often linked to past abuse where yelling felt unsafe, causing your body to release stress hormones and sometimes leading to "emotional flooding" where tears become a natural release or self-soothing mechanism, releasing endorphins to calm you down. Past negative experiences with yelling create a learned response, making you highly reactive to raised voices as they signal danger, even if the current situation isn't as severe.
Body movements such as lifting up our heads, bringing the shoulders back and giving eye contact are simple ways to reset and begin over.'' So shake your head vigorously, swing your arms, tickle your palm -- whatever will distract your brain from giving the signals to cry. Or, if you must, pinch; just not too hard.
In Are You Mad at Me?, psychotherapist Meg Josephson explodes the idea that people-pleasing is a personality trait. Instead, she illuminates how it's actually a common trauma response (also known as "fawning"): an instinct often learned in childhood to become more appealing to a perceived threat in order to feel safe.
“In the face of physical or emotional pain, or a traumatic incident, our sympathetic nervous system has three responses: fight, flight or freeze. Emotional numbing is freezing. Our brain shuts down as a protective response to keep us safe when our nervous system is overloaded,” he says.
Crying easily can be a symptom of depression, anxiety, or a lot of stress in your life. Since HSPs feel so deeply and can experience sensory overload, we're more susceptible to strong feelings of depression or anxiety.
Crying when angry can be linked to past trauma, where the nervous system reacts to triggers. Emotional flooding occurs when stress responses lead to overwhelming feelings. Strategies like mindfulness and therapy can help regulate these emotional reactions.
Some scientists have proposed that these tears contain additional proteins and hormones not found in basal or reflex tears. Higher levels of prolactin, adrenocorticotropic hormone, Leu-enkephalin, potassium and manganese have all been located in emotional tears.
Loud noises like yelling can trigger PTSD. When a traumatic situation involves loud sounds, such as a concert, parental verbal abuse, or combat, people can be triggered when similar noises occur.
ADHD rage, or emotional dysregulation, looks like sudden, intense outbursts (meltdowns or shutdowns) disproportionate to the trigger, manifesting as yelling, throwing things, intense crying, physical tension (clenching fists/jaw, stomping), or total withdrawal, stemming from the brain's difficulty regulating emotions, making small frustrations feel overwhelming and leading to "volcanic" reactions that seem to come from nowhere.
Signs of childhood trauma
The 7 key signs of emotional abuse often revolve around Control, Isolation, Verbal Attacks, Gaslighting, Blame-Shifting, Intimidation/Fear, and Invalidation, where the abuser manipulates, belittles, and controls you to undermine your self-worth and reality, making you feel constantly fearful, worthless, and dependent.
Besides the typical fight, flight, freeze, and fawn, there are a few more responses you may not be familiar with. Fright, flag, and faint are a few of the lesser-known trauma responses that are theorized by professionals of this field.
The fear of being yelled at is often deeply rooted in our past, shaped by how we were raised and the challenges we've faced. In exploring the roots of this fear, we'll focus on two key aspects: childhood upbringing and past trauma.
The “90-second rule,” introduced by Harvard neuroscientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, reveals that an emotional surge in the body lasts only about 90 seconds—unless we mentally keep it alive.
So tears help calm us down while we respond to a situation stimulating an emotional response. “During this process,” Knight warns, “your cognition is affected with poorer concentration and impaired decision making.” This means ignoring or suppressing sadness in the name of rationality isn't actually that rational.
The 24-hour rule for ADHD is a self-regulation strategy to combat impulsivity by creating a mandatory waiting period (often a full day) before reacting to emotionally charged situations or making significant decisions, allowing time for reflection and reducing regretful snap judgments, especially for things like impulse purchases or arguments. It's a pause button that gives the brain space to process, move from impulse to intention, and evaluate choices more logically, helping manage ADHD's impact on emotional regulation and decision-making.
Irritability (angry, touchy, temper outbursts) and oppositional behavior are common in ADHD-C and in autism. In a pediatric clinical sample, aggression (physical, verbal, or relational) was significantly associated with irritability.
For many people, the meltdown may come in the form of sudden extreme emotions. This may feel like you are physically exploding from the inside with nowhere to place your feelings. The result is usually a physical outburst of some kind, such as sobbing, yelling, lashing out, or even self-harm.
When our brain then recognises similarities between our present situation and our past trauma (e.g. a colour, smell or noise), it can activate the fight, flight, freeze, flop or friend response, even if we're not currently in danger.
Understanding the Nature of PTSD And CPTSD Meltdowns
Picture yourself standing next to a loved one, when their facial expression suddenly tightens. You can hear their breathing get shallow, and it feels like they've been pulled away from their normal state and away from you, even though they're right there.
The Stress Response to Yelling
This response, although a natural defense mechanism, can be particularly overwhelming for individuals with PTSD. It can exacerbate their symptoms, intensify feelings of anxiety, and magnify their emotional distress, potentially causing them to relive their traumatic experiences.
Researchers have established that crying releases oxytocin and endogenous opioids, also known as endorphins. These feel-good chemicals help ease both physical and emotional pain.
Tears contain stress hormones and other toxins, and crying can help let these out of the body. Scientists have found that grief tears are actually different to other tears and may even be more 'sticky'. These sticky tears can be a signal to others that we need support. Crying can be a way of connecting with others.
Rubbing your eyes stimulates the lacrimal glands that produce tears which may provide short-term relief from discomfort, fatigue or itchiness. Beyond mild relief, rubbing the eyes often and with excessive pressure can lead to potential damage.