Usually, when a child is constantly blaming and the parent is feeling hurt and helpless, the problem is that the parent isn't validating the child's experience and instead is responding defensively. A daughter who blames mom is trying to show mom that she's in distress and needs help.
When adult children desire to individuate and develop autonomy, they may struggle to trust their choices and may fear being unable to withstand mom's influence. Often, to avoid feelings of criticism or incompetence, the daughter will pull away.
Kids Use Victim Mentality To Justify Their Behavior
You'll often see kids blame others and point the finger at someone else when you hold them accountable for their behavior. They often see themselves as the victim, no matter how aggressive or abusive their behavior is.
Dysfunctional mother-daughter relationships can come in many forms. Often it can take form in criticism, where a daughter feels like she's constantly getting negative feedback from her maternal figure. Sometimes, it can take the form of detachment. “Some women are simply not close to their mothers,” says Wernsman.
Toxic daughters, however, are usually more indirect with their aggression. They show passive-aggressive behaviors like giving you the silent treatment, not returning your calls and texts, and 'forgetting' to do what you asked them to do.
If your mother shows a lack of empathy or understanding for your problems while expecting you to drop everything to help her manage her problems, that is a sign of a relationship that is unhealthy. As an adult, you can help your mother more than you did as a child, but that help and understanding should flow both ways.
Point out Ungratefulness
When you hear your child say or do something that shows an ungrateful attitude, point it out. Be specific without being insulting. For instance, avoid saying something like, “Stop being a brat.” Instead, say something like, “Complaining about not getting more presents is ungrateful.
She Doesn't Have Healthy Coping Mechanisms
If your daughter doesn't have healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with strong emotions, she's likely to lash out at others. This means that whenever she's going through something, she will effectively make life miserable for those around her.
She wants more control over her life.
Teens have a natural urge to gain more independence. Along with that desire comes a lot of frustration when they push up against parental rules and boundaries. A daughter may become resentful that she can't have as much freedom as she wants, and may punish her parent.
Key points. Teens pull away from their parents due to a biological instinct to separate themselves in preparation for adulthood. If a teen pushes their parent away, it is often because they feel secure in the relationship and therefore take it for granted temporarily.
Emotionally absent or cold mothers can be unresponsive to their children's needs. They may act distracted and uninterested during interactions, or they could actively reject any attempts of the child to get close. They may continue acting this way with adult children.
Kids complain for lots of good reasons: to blow off steam, to connect with us, and because they feel powerless. Other times, the complaints might mask an underlying emotion that needs to be released.
The most common toxic behavior of parents is to criticize their child, express self-wishes, complain about the difficulties of raising a child, make unhealthy comparisons, and make hurtful statements1. What is this?
Urban Dictionary, the online home for slang words and phrases, defines unicorn mom as: "a mother who's not perfect, enjoys alcohol, has a sense of humor and couldn't care less what you think."
Unhealthy relationships are all about power and control, and lack mutual respect or boundaries. If you feel like your child is spending a lot of time with their partner and less time on school, hanging with friends or other activities, that's a warning sign.
Reasons for the detachment may be due to intergenerational and personal trauma, an absence of emotional intelligence, mental health issues, substance use and abuse issues, fragmented problem solving and conflict resolution skills, and a variety of other challenges.
Traits Of A Healthy Mother-Daughter Relationship
They acknowledge each other as individuals and spend adequate time – neither too much nor too little. The mother-daughter duo recognizes and respects boundaries. They make reasonable commitments to each other and come through on them.