Sometimes former spouses get along better because they can see themselves more clearly as allies in a strategic goal—such as parenting their children or keeping a business afloat—whereas spouses in a waning marriage can feel like opposing camps in a cold war.
And while media often shows men finding relief after “escaping the bear trap” of a bad marriage, and casts women in a desperate, “washed-up” light, research continues to show that women often report being happier after divorce.
Statistics vary about couples who get back together after they separate and divorce. According to the research, between 10-15% of couples reconcile after they separate. However, only about 6% of couples marry each other again after they divorce.
Men Are More Likely to Remarry
This data indicates that men are consistently more likely to attempt a second marriage than women. Over the past decade, there has been a decline in remarriage rates for both men and women.
Sex during a divorce is not uncommon among spouses, even with those who previously behaved more as adversaries in contested divorce proceedings. Once you contact an attorney and the paperwork has been filed, it is natural to second guess yourself and wonder if you made the right decision.
The study found that on average unhappily married adults who divorced were no happier than unhappily married adults who stayed married when rated on any of 12 separate measures of psychological well-being. Divorce did not typically reduce symptoms of depression, raise self-esteem, or increase a sense of mastery.
Shame is one of the most toxic emotions associated with divorce. And people feel it for all sorts of reasons. Some people feel shame for “failing” at their marriages or putting on a brave face for too long. Others feel shame for being unfaithful, or for having a partner that was unfaithful to them.
There are five common emotions people experience during the divorce process. They are often referred to as the five stages of grief. They include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Naturally, these expand to more nuanced emotions that vary based on your circumstances.
Divorce is a life-changing event that affects both men and women, but studies have shown that women often experience more negative effects both financially and emotionally. For many women, divorce can lead to financial instability, loss of social support, and a decline in their mental health.
Individuals experience four psychological stages during divorce: deliberation, decision, transition, and healing.
Perhaps the most difficult period of divorce is the “separation period.” That is the time between when you decide to get a divorce, and the date when you are actually divorced.
A study showed that unhappily married adults who divorced were no happier than unhappily married adults who stayed married. Divorce did not typically reduce symptoms of depression, raise self-esteem, or increase a sense of mastery. Divorce or separation is likely the best outcome in a destructive marriage.
It's a process that's extremely tough from start to finish, and you can still feel emotional weeks, months, and even years after you and your former partner have split. The residual anger, hurt, confusion, depression, and even self-blame don't just disappear once a divorce is finalized.
Divorce with school-aged kids (5 to 13 years old)
The school-aged years are probably the worst age for divorce for children; the potential for emotional trauma from divorce is highest at age 11.
Grief, sadness, and anger: Divorce and relationship break-ups can start you on an emotional rollercoaster. Emotions like grief, sadness, and even anger can be common. Emotions like these may cause you to pull away from others and isolate yourself, which can eventually lead to feelings of loneliness.
In the throes of divorce, people experience the pain of disrupted emotional attachment. The roots of emotional attachment go very deep in our lives. Establishing and maintaining attachment is the most crucial thing at the earliest point in life; without it, we would have died as an infant.
Men undergoing and even after their divorce are more likely to suffer from stress, anxiety, depression, and insomnia (inability to sleep). Due to physical and emotional health issues, their immune system gets weakened. They are more likely to suffer from colds and flu than others.
Key findings. Divorce did not seem to result in any permanent personality change. The only trait that showed some increase was agreeableness, but this was only slight and only represented two countries. There were no notable differences between the personalities of men and women post-divorce.
According to relationship therapist Aimee Hartstein, LCSW, as it turns out, the first year really is the hardest—even if you've already lived together. In fact, it often doesn't matter if you've been together for multiple years, the start of married life is still tricky.
Some research suggests that second, third, and subsequent marriages are more likely to end in divorce than first marriages. In some ways, a second divorce may seem easier. You have already been through the process once and know what to expect. Conversely, you may find a second divorce to be more difficult emotionally.
Divorces are extremely complicated and, to some extent at least, are all a little messy in their own right. Depending on your personal circumstances and what you get or don't get out of the divorce in terms of custody, possessions, or other rights, your emotions and dignity may be attacked and left vulnerable.
Individuals may go through several stages of mourning or grief. The emotional intensity of this period usually reaches a peak within the first six months of separation. However, the grieving process may take as long as two years.
Grief during -- and after -- divorce is normal. People don't realize how long perfectly normal grief can last. The acute phase of grief can last weeks or months. Then you start to metabolize the pain and it becomes a part of who you are.