When avoidant partners see that you are self-sufficient and doing things without them, it may paradoxically draw them to you because they can have less fear that you will become overly dependent on them. The Silent treatment is really just another way of saying I am afraid.
If someone you love has learned an avoidant attachment style, it is so important to recognize that the reason why they shut down and push away is that this is how they learned to feel safe in relationships. They do this because you are important, not because they don't want to be close to you.
The avoidant person is truly a master at sending mixed signals and if you really think about it, it does make a lot of sense. The paradox that lies in their heart is a simple one. They want love but at the same time they don't want to let anyone too close to give them that love for fear of being hurt.
Persons with avoidant personality disorder are timid, sensitive to rejection and criticism, and prone to social anxiety disorder. In relationships, avoidant individuals may be emotionally distanced and withdrawn, creating communication problems and causing their partners to feel unloved, insecure, and abandoned.
If they are drawn into a conflict unwillingly, people with an avoidant attachment style may react by shutting down, stonewalling, trying to stay on the logical part of the argument, using anger to create space, giving the silent treatment, or leaving the room.
Texting infrequently or not at all is the default mode of existence for dismissive avoidants who value independence more than connection. They'll rarely make attempts to reach out. They don't have the same connection needs as people with other attachment styles. Try not to take their minimal reaching out personally.
The most difficult type of insecure attachment is the disorganized attachment style.
Once again, people with a dismissive-avoidant style showed that they did care about relationships. Dismissive avoidant students reported higher self-esteem and positive mood than non-dismissives—but only when told that surgency predicts future interpersonal success.
A fearful avoidant during no contact acts slightly differently from other attachment styles. Going no contact with them can become extremely distracting and often requires a lot of discipline. The fearful-avoidant does not express remorse or sadness over heartbreak in the initial weeks of the breakup.
Studies have found that avoidant attachers are less likely to date or seek relationships. In other words, they are more prone to having smaller social circles and, thus, may stay single for longer periods of time.
In line with their desire for complete independence, many people with an avoidant attachment style also feel greatly triggered when a partner becomes too reliant on them. Especially if this leads to more demands for their time and attention. Having to focus on others can feel like a burden.
Avoidant / dismissive adults still self regulate in unhealthy ways; they might feel threatened by triggering dating or relationship situations, such as a partner trying to get emotionally close, and they might shut down their emotions in an attempt to feel safe and avoid feeling vulnerable.
The avoidant side demands less fight, says they cannot remain present in conflict, uses abandonment as a tool, a weapon (“the silent treatment”)—the only thing their partner can hear.
If the avoidant is still mostly ignoring you and not talking much, try to listen to what their silence says. Then think also about why you react to their silence in the way that you do. I'd recommend against too physical or trying to seduce them as a way to bridge the communication gap and reestablish a link.
Yes, the dismissive avoidant misses you, but they miss you later on. In the beginning they're going to be relieved that they have their freedom. They can get their independence back and they get to go and do what they want to do without having to answer any questions to anybody.
While the fearful-avoidant can also suffer from rejection sensitivity, it takes center stage when someone displays an anxious-preoccupied style.
At this point, you may be wondering: will an avoidant miss you? The thing is, when you're patient enough to give them a lot of time and space, they will initially get back to their everyday life. They will neither miss you nor demand time or attention from you.
Love Avoidants recognize and are attracted to the Love Addict's strong fear of being left because Love Avoidants know that all they have to do to trigger their partner's fear is threaten to leave.
Fearful avoidants both want and fear intimacy. So they seek closeness. But once they do, their fear of intimacy and attachment kicks in and they suddenly feel the need to escape, and this is when they need you to chase them.
Some studies showed that differences in attachment styles seem to influence both the frequency and the patterns of jealousy expression: individuals with the preoccupied or fearful-avoidant attachment styles more often become jealous and consider rivals as more threatening than those with the secure attachment style [9, ...
On the other hand, people with an avoidant attachment may be attracted to anxious partners because their pursuit and need for closeness reinforce the avoidant person's need for independence and self-reliance. Anxious and avoidant partners may also seek their partner's traits due to wanting those traits in themselves.
Avoidant Attachment: less likely to fall in love and more likely to engage in casual sex. Adults with an avoidant attachment style typically have a deactivated attachment system. Avoidant individuals do not seek proximity and intimacy, avoid the display of emotions, and appear distant and cold.
In fact, if either partner was anxiously attached, the couple had higher odds of one of them being unfaithful. Those with a partner who had an avoidant attachment style actually had the lowest rates of infidelity.