Anxious attached individuals cheat due to deep-seated fear of abandonment, low self-worth, and a desperate need for external validation, often seeking reassurance or excitement that their primary relationship isn't providing, sometimes acting as self-sabotage or a backup plan when feeling insecure or neglected. They chase the "high" of new attention to soothe internal fears, equating new connections with feeling loved and worthy, even if it contradicts their desire for stable intimacy, which can start emotionally and then become physical.
As can be seen, consistent with expectations, but in contrast to previous research on dating couples (DeWall et al., 2011), own attachment anxiety was positively associated with own infidelity, indicating that partners with higher levels of attachment anxiety were more likely to engage in an infidelity.
Your core wounds have a direct impact on your attachment style, patterns, and coping mechanisms. The two most commonly seen core wounds (also known as attachment wounds) in anxiously attached individuals are: “I am/will be abandoned” and “I am alone”.
Answer: An anxious attachment style can impact relationships by leading to behaviors such as clinginess, constant need for reassurance, and jealousy. These behaviors can create tension and strain in the relationship, making it difficult for both partners to feel secure and satisfied.
We're not talking about mental illness here. People with an anxious attachment style have a lot to offer in relationships. They value their intimate relationships above everything else. They can be intensely loyal, empathic and attentive with their partners.
The anxious attacher may feel like ending the relationship was unwarranted. Therefore, they may try to figure out ways to get back together with their partner and restore the attachment bond. However, doing so often leads to cycles of making up and breaking up.
Avoidants aren't inherently cheaters. But their relationship with intimacy, closeness, and self-protection can make them more likely to create emotional (or even physical) distance in ways that feel like betrayal.
That being said, a partner with a secure attachment style can help an anxious attacher to regulate their emotions more effectively and help them feel more secure in the relationship and in general. There are a number of tell-tale traits of the secure attachment style when dating someone new.
In truth, the disorganized attachment style is considered to be the most difficult form of insecure attachment to manage – disorganized adults strongly desire love and acceptance but simultaneously fear that those closest to them will hurt them.
Based on what we know about anxious attachment styles, we might find that trust difficulty plays a major role in self-sabotage for people with high relationship anxiety. This could lead you to do things that ultimately push your partner away, like constantly checking in or looking for reassurance.
What Is the Unhealthiest Attachment Style? Anxious attachment styles, disorganized attachment styles, and avoidant attachment styles are considered insecure/unhealthy forms of attachment.
Early traumas, such as abuse or neglect, often disrupt the development of secure attachment, leading to insecure styles in adulthood—such as anxious or avoidant attachment.
Four Tips on How to Self-Soothe the Anxious Attachment Style
There isn't one single "best" predictor of cheating; rather, it's a combination of factors, with relationship dissatisfaction, low sexual satisfaction, mismatched sexual desire, and poor communication being the strongest predictors, often alongside individual traits like insecure attachment styles, impulsivity, and a history of infidelity. Ultimately, a lack of emotional connection and unresolved relationship issues significantly increase the risk, according to this Psychology Today article, this National Institutes of Health article, and this Medium article.
The 80/20 rule in relationships explains cheating as the temptation to abandon a solid partner (80% good) for someone new who seems to offer the missing 20% of needs, a pursuit often leading to regret as the new person lacks the original 80%. Infidelity often arises from focusing on flaws (the 20%) rather than appreciating the substantial good (the 80%), making an affair partner seem appealing for fulfilling that small gap, but ultimately resulting in losing the valuable foundation of the primary relationship.
People with secure attachment styles may be the most loyal in close relationships. They may be self-reliant when it comes to managing their own feelings and quick to offer emotional support to their partners.
Individuals with an avoidant attachment style tend to exhibit a more promiscuous socio-sexual orientation, which may lessen their inclination to engage exclusively in sexual activities with their partner [26].
Both anxiety and avoidance in attachment are strongly associated with marital infidelity. Dismissive and fearful attachment styles also correlate with instances of marital infidelity. While preoccupied attachment shows no significant relationship with infidelity.
Which attachment style falls in love quickly? People with anxious preoccupied attachment are likely to fall in love quickly due to their strong desire for closeness and connection, as well as their fear of being alone. They may idealize their partner early in the relationship and seek a deep emotional bond early on.
The attraction between these two attachment styles can stem from their unconscious desire to fulfill unmet emotional needs from childhood. Anxious people may be unconsciously drawn to avoidant partners because they represent a challenge or an opportunity to attain the emotional connection they long for.
Anxious Attachment Triggers
Anxiously attached individuals may interpret delayed responses or changes in communication patterns as signs of potential rejection or abandonment. Situations where they feel ignored, dismissed, or unimportant can be highly triggering.
Attachment Styles and Compatibility
It's often about chaos, control, and a way to escape the deep sense of powerlessness they feel in relationships. This self-sabotage can serve as a destructive attempt to regain control when everything feels overwhelming.
Yes, avoidants typically express love through actions rather than words, practical support rather than emotional declarations, and consistency rather than grand gestures. Their love language tends to be more subtle and indirect compared to anxious or secure attachment styles.
Studies estimate that 50–70% of emotional affairs eventually turn physical. Not because people intend to cheat — but because the emotional bond becomes strong enough to override judgment, boundaries, and self-protection.