An affair is generally a sign things aren't right with someone's relationship. Without the necessary skills to heal the issues, a partner may engage in an affair as an ill-equipped way of attempting to have their needs fulfilled – whether these be for intimacy, to feel valued, to experience more sex, and so on.
Affairs: Why They Happen. There is seldom just one reason for an affair. The state of your relationship, the stresses and pressures of your life (finances, kids, job loss, depression, etc.), and your personal belief systems can all influence your vulnerability to an affair.
Why do people cheat? A wide variety of factors can bring out some type of affair. A study of 495 people revealed eight key reasons: anger, low self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and circumstance.
Research suggests that most affairs start in places like the gym, social media, the workplace, and the church (surprising, right?).
First and foremost, the study crunched some numbers and found that the average age women marry at is 29 years old. Next, they found that the average age women cheat is 36.6 years old, which means the spark of fidelity and passion begins to dwindle about six to seven years after the wedding.
Supporting data from the IFS 1990s survey also says that men have always been more inclined to cheat than women. But during this period, older men have the same tendency to cheat as their younger peers. The survey says that infidelity among men peaked at the age of 50 to 59 (31%).
Furthermore, people who cheated on a spouse or partner will often seek to cheat again. On average, affairs usually end within 6 months to 2 years.
Yes, it is possible for someone to fall in love with an affair partner, although it can be a complicated and emotionally fraught experience. These relationships have trust issues due to how they began. In order to make the relationships work, the couple needs to work diligently at trust.
How Many Couples Stay Together After an Affair? In one study, researchers found that with instances of secret infidelity, only about 20% of couples were still married after 5 years. However, for couples who revealed infidelity, that percentage jumped to 57%.
Research from the past two decades shows that between 20 and 25 percent of married men cheat and between 10 and 15 percent of married women cheat, according to professor Nicholas Wolfinger.
Our interest develops into an obsession: We can't stop thinking about the other person even if we try to concentrate on other things. We daydream and fantasize about the other person constantly. The relationship causes euphoria -- an intense "high" or feeling of joy and well-being.
Affairs usually end in one of three ways: divorce and remarriage, divorce and relationship loss, or the recommitment to the relationship that was betrayed.
Even those affairs that seem to be going really well often end in a breakup. Affairs don't usually last, and even if a serious or committed relationship comes out of an affair, it is unlikely to be sustainable and thriving for very long.
“Typically, if someone's cheating, it's because needs aren't being met in a marriage or relationship," says Dr. Megan Fleming, licensed sex and relationship therapist. That can mean sexual needs — but it often means someone's emotional needs aren't being addressed.
“Findings indicate that while affairs do tend to make respondents happy, a number of factors influence perception of life satisfaction during an affair, including a belief that an outside partner is required to remain in a primary partnership, a desire to remain in the primary partnership, at least biweekly sexual ...
Just like a wife can fantasize about other guys, guys will fantasize about other women on occasion. It's natural and normal; it's not a big deal! However, if you start feeling guilty or worried about your guy's fantasies, then you should know that there is such a thing as too much fantasy time.
Not all affairs happen in bad marriages and affairs usually cause a good marriage to go bad. However, the attention given to a marriage after an affair is revealed can bring changes that allow couples to grow closer than ever before and resolve issues long unresolved. Affairs happen for a myriad of reasons.
Globally – the average age of women having affairs is 36.6, while the average age of marriage is 29, making the length of time between marriage and cheating 7.6 years. According to Sigurd Vedal, founder of Victoria Milan, this means that women, on average, seek new lovers between seven and eight years after marriage.
Affairs are addictive and there is a reason why, when someone gets involved and makes those choices, it is hard to get out,” she explained. “It is because you get chemically addicted, there are dopamine hits that happen in your brain that makes them addicted to this person.”
Infidelity is associated with several personality traits: loneliness, extroversion, anxiety, depression, moodiness, narcissism, openness to new experiences, frequent use of alcohol, a history of child sexual abuse, and knowledge that one or both of one's parents had been unfaithful.
When you put the data together, about 15-20% of married couples cheat. The rate of cheating increases with age for both married men and married women. In a study titled America's Generation Gap in Extramarital Affairs, 20% of older couples noted that they had cheated during their marriage.
The Reasoning
There are many reasons people cheat, but according to Campbell, they usually fall into three categories: individual, relationship, and situational.
People who cheat are likely impulsive and destructive at decision making. Instead of thinking about you and what happens to the relationship after cheating, they go based on what they want right now. Impulsiveness can be seen in other areas of the relationship, too. So keep an eye out.
My strong opinion is that a person cannot make a wise and thoughtful decision about much of anything when they are having an affair. I am well aware that the euphoric state cannot just be turned off like a bath faucet, so telling a person to end the affair and expect that to happen is a fool's game.