It's really hard to understand why people cheat on people they love. Sometimes, people decide to cheat because they feel unloved, or like they have fallen out of love, with their partner. Sometimes, they feel the romance is gone from their relationship, and having an illicit romance gives them a sense of excitement.
Admittedly, sometimes people choose to cheat because they're in a bad relationship and want out. Sometimes they feel stuck because of kids, finances, social mores, or whatever. So they sneak around to get their needs for connection, intimacy, and validation met by someone other than their spouse.
It is absolutely possible that your partner does love you, did love you before, and will continue to love you in the future. Infidelity does not mean that the love is gone or never existed. The reality is that you can love someone and still cheat on them.
You're not alone if you've wondered, "why do I want to cheat?" A recent study in Social Science Research found that 13 percent of women and 10 percent of men have cheated on their current partners, and many more have probably thought about it. Having these thoughts doesn't always mean you want to end your relationship.
Sexual desire
A simple desire to have sex can motivate some people to cheat. Other factors, including opportunity or unmet sexual needs, may also play a part in infidelity that's motivated by desire. But someone who wants to have sex might also look for opportunities to do so without any other motivators.
Sometimes, people decide to cheat because they feel unloved, or like they have fallen out of love, with their partner. Sometimes, they feel the romance is gone from their relationship, and having an illicit romance gives them a sense of excitement.
In some cases, it stems from unmet needs in a relationship. Issues like lack of communication, boredom, and personal insecurities can fester when they're not fully addressed. If one partner feels like they're never listened to or respected in their primary relationship, they may look for that in another person.
What a reader says: "Yes, you should always tell your partner, but not for your own peace of mind. Instead you should do it because the person you cheated on has the right to decide whether or not they should continue the relationship.
Experts say it's possible for couples to go on to have a happy relationship after infidelity, provided they're willing to put in the work. “The couple can survive and grow after an affair,” says Coleman.
The most important thing to remember is what cheating says about a person. They're insecure, impulsive, selfish, and immature. Sometimes, it's a chronic problem that likely won't ever be fixed, just be sure not to ignore the warning signs.
When do cheaters miss their ex? When they are feeling lonely. Even if she/he cheated and chose her/him, they might miss you when they are alone. They might even think of ways to reach out to you, talk to you, and find out if you are still waiting for them.
Statistics show that only 31% of marriages last after the affair has been discovered or admitted to. People who are unfaithful to their partners regret causing their loved one so much pain and heartache. Even if the couple decides to stay together, it's very hard for them to have a trust-based, happy relationship.
Focus on the future, not the past. It's easy to get down on yourself about cheating, but dwelling on the past will only keep you hostage. Practice thought-stopping when guilty feelings emerge. Rather than entertaining them, ask yourself “What now?” and try to continuously take positive action that moves you forward.
Among men, 68% feel guilty after having an affair. Even if they haven't confessed the affair, most cheating husbands will feel guilty and express that guilt in their behavior. You may notice subtle changes in their behavior that make you wonder if your spouse is displaying cheating husband guilt.
Cheating is associated with feelings of self-satisfaction, and the boost in positive affect from cheating persists even when prospects for self-deception about unethical behavior are reduced.
If you've ever wondered who the dumper in the average US long term couple is, breakup statistics say that women are more likely to call it quits than men. 76% of women said that they had ended the relationship, just like 62% of men. Women might end things more often, but they also feel more pain after.
Telling your partner and therefore immediately unburdening yourself of your mistake is actually pretty selfish, she says. "You're the one sitting with the guilt, and if [the affair] is over and done, you absolutely don't want to then put that on your partner," she told the site.
In your own honest way, tell her the magnitude of your regret, and how upset you for hurting her. “Say what you feel, but don't act up, dramatize, or be fake,” Badinter says. “If you still love your girlfriend, and you really are sorry, your apology will be sincere and she'll feel it,” he adds.
There are two main categories of infidelity: Physical and Emotional. An affair is generally considered to be a secondary relationship that is a combination of types and possibly fall under both main categories of physical and emotional infidelity.
This type of behavior may stem from emotional issues, traumatic childhood experiences, poor self-esteem, or mental health struggles that lead them to seek satisfaction in this way. This doesn't necessarily mean that you should forgive the act of cheating, but it is something you may wish to keep in mind.
There's no definitive answer as to whether you should forgive a cheater. It's up to you to make that decision to forgive and it's important to remember that forgiveness is a strength. You need to think long and hard about what you want out of a relationship.