For people who lack a secure attachment style, a situationship breakup can feel especially painful because it confirms a fear that is developed during early childhood: that someone they care about might unexpectedly one day abandon them, or cannot be depended on.
But the slow burn of a situationship coming to an end can be just as painful and it's important to acknowledge that, rather than minimising your feelings. It's really heartbreak over the loss of a fantasy – a wish, a longing, a projection that you had about them, a hope, rather than the person themselves.
First and foremost, if two people are in a situationship, it is a fact that one will be more attached than the other. Since there is no clear line or boundary for what a situationship should be and how one should handle it, it can result in emotional and mental trauma, just like it does during a breakup but worse.
Situationships can have a significant impact on one's mental health. The lack of clarity and commitment can cause anxiety, uncertainty, and insecurity, leading to feelings of loneliness, depression, and low self-esteem.
As she says, “in situationships, there's often a lack of clear boundaries, commitment, and labels, making it difficult to know where each person stands”. This lack of clarity can mean you don't always get closure or an official breakup, and this in itself can make it harder to move on.
"When both people are not in sync on the nature of the situationship, anger and resentment can arise over time," says Carla Manly, a psychologist practicing in California. "This can manifest in toxic behaviors, such as passive-aggressive actions, anger outbursts and toxic communication."
“People who tend to gravitate towards situationships are those who want the emotional connection and intimacy with a partner in a compartmentalized way,” Romanoff explains. “They may have emotional presence and connection in person, but when apart, they also have freedom outside of a committed relationship.”
Obsessive love can cause a person to fixate on their loved one as though they are an object or possession. This can have many causes, ranging from mental health issues to delusional disorders. Health professionals do not widely recognize obsessive love, or “obsessive love disorder,” as a mental health condition.
Romantic rejection stimulates parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward, addiction, and cravings. Being romantically rejected can be a familiar feeling that mirrors one's childhood, leading that person to seek out more of the same.
Situationships can last for a few days, weeks, months, or even years. Just like in other relationships, there's no expiration date unless one or both of you choose to end the situationship and move on.
Now the good news is yes, yes you can turn a situationship into a relationship (huzzah!)
Going no contact is only helpful for you to move forward. The no-contact rule will not make your situationship want to commit to you. Full stop. And I know it hurts so much they didn't want you the way you want them and I'm so sorry.
An curved arrow pointing right. Dating gurus on TikTok recommend a new rule to weed out incompatible partners. They call it the three-month rule, where people can evaluate potential partners for 90 days. They recommend not exclusively dating someone — or even kissing them — for these first months.
It's been three months or more. Three months is more than enough time to know if you want to commit to someone else. You have an idea of who each other is at this point. If they still “don't know” what they want or what they're looking for, it's in your best interests to walk away.
According to experts, there are a few key reasons for why this happens. "Usually falling in love with, and being unable to get over someone you barely know and have barely dated, is reflective of having 'attachment issues,'" Lauren O'Connell, licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle.
People who tend to gravitate towards situationships are those who want the emotional connection and intimacy with a partner in a compartmentalized way. They can have emotional presence and connection in person, but when apart, they can have their freedom.
Whereas FWB involves two consenting adults making a decision around desire, and sexual needs and fulfillment, a situationship is taking advantage of one person's strong desire to have a relationship and leading them on while having sex with them.
Situationships can be a fun and exciting way to explore your feelings without the pressure of a committed relationship. However, it's important to set clear rules and boundaries to avoid any confusion or hurt feelings.
If you're ready to end things, Schiff recommends being honest with yourself and the other person. “You have to be clear about what your intentions are for the relationship and kind of asking for what you want,” she says.
The 3 day rule after argument is a common practice in relationships where individuals agree to take a 3 day relationship break from each other after a heated disagreement. During this time, both parties cool off, reflect on their feelings/thoughts, and avoid communication with each other.
Talk about your feelings
Turning your situationship into a relationship won't be possible if you don't speak up. You're stuck in this situation, and you want more. Then, it's time to tell this person that you're in love, and it's time to make it exclusive. It's being true to yourself and knowing what you deserve.