Doubt often comes, for example, when a new level of a relationship presents itself, such as talk of moving in or of marriage. So some doubts are really just a stress response. They can be our brain's way of working through and preparing for the new challenges ahead.
If you're questioning your bond with your partner, you're not alone. It's normal to have doubts about your relationship at times. After all, relationships are hard and no one is perfect. Some degree of uncertainty can be good.
Doubt is a perfectly normal part of any relationship. It becomes problematic, though, when we avoid resolving it. You've heard it before, but it's worth repeating: Pretty much everything in a relationship boils down to communication, Batshaw says.
"If you are feeling uncertainty about a relationship, it's important that you address the reasons for those feelings," he tells Bustle. "Usually, it's your gut telling you that there are unresolved problems." By taking a closer look, you may uncover the reasons why you don't feel totally sure about your relationship.
You think about breaking up all the time
Wondering whether to stay together every once in a while is normal. It's when you can't stop thinking about being apart that you should worry. Being with someone shouldn't be a continuous struggle of hoping for the other person to change.
What causes uncertainty in relationships? Most uncertainty in relationships is caused by fear, whether rational or not. You may fear being vulnerable with your partner and being rejected.
You're in the right relationship if you feel your partner is there for you when you need support, and that the relationship is overall a great addition to your life. In short, it's adding value to the joy you experience in life. Conflict in a relationship is inevitable and normal.
Overthinking in a relationship is often due to a poor understanding of your own needs. When you begin to overthink something that is happening in your relationship, ask yourself, “what need do I currently have that is going unmet?” This can help you communicate with your partner.
If you do find yourself having doubts before your wedding, does that mean you definitely shouldn't get married? "No," says Lavner, "but you should pay attention. You know yourself, your partner and your relationship more than anyone else does. If you're having uncertainty, then you should talk about it."
Besides no longer getting excited to spend time together, you may find yourself flat-out avoiding your partner. You may stay late at work, see movies or eat dinner by yourself, or even take the long way home to avoid being with your partner for a moment longer than you have to.
There are seasons of your relationship when you'll feel less connected to your partner. Unless it is an ongoing, painful issue that's never resolved despite your best efforts, a momentary disconnect is normal—not a death signal. Life happens.
If you're constantly second-guessing your partner's beliefs, choices and life goals, maybe even every day, this hints at a lack of trust. While it's OK to disagree with your partner and have differing beliefs and goals, you both should be able to understand and support one another.
When in doubt, the best thing to do is talk it out. In every relationship, it's natural to question your feelings, but with enough open communication, you'll never need to doubt what your boo is thinking.
Doubting long-term compatibility
Relationship anxiety can make you question whether you and your partner are truly compatible, even when things are going great in the relationship. You might also question whether you're actually happy or if you just think you are.
If you're in love with your partner, then you'll never feel limited or held back from trying new things. However, if you're merely comfortable, then chances are you'll settle for routine over new opportunities.
In some cases, your sudden loss of interest in your partner could be the result of your discovering you both have different values or goals. When you feel this way, you may want to talk to your partner about it and think about whether or not you still want to stay in a relationship with them.
Overthinking in relationships can lead to a myriad of challenges. Essentially, you're living in the future or the past and aren't able to be emotionally available for your partner in the moment. You can find yourself experiencing significant emotional distress because of the anxiety that comes from overthinking.
Do you both care more about the relationship than about being right? Or do you struggle with communication, hold onto resentment, and feel like every fight could be the end of the relationship? If your closeness doesn't bounce back after arguments, you might be forcing the connection.
Being emotionally unavailable describes someone who is not open to discussing or sharing their feelings. They can be evasive, flaky, or hard to read. "They're scared of intimacy," explains licensed couples therapist Brooke Sprowl, LCSW, CNTS.
Sometimes, couples are unhappy because they feel bored in a relationship, or because both partners have lost the physical spark they used to have. At other times, there may be extreme jealousy present in the relationship, or perhaps a severe case of emotional manipulation.
You Don't Like Or Recognize Yourself
You give up your values, stop doing things you enjoy and just become a hollow shell of the person you used to be! Family members and friends no longer recognize you and, honestly, neither do you. If you're experiencing this, it may be time to consider ending the relationship.
If you can't trust your partner in anything they do or say, or if your partner is constantly doubting you, it is a sign of an unhealthy relationship that will not last long. If you've tried and failed to trust your partner, or they are repeatedly breaking your trust, then it is a warning sign.