You can't predict a specific couple, but statistics show marriages with women as the primary breadwinner, couples marrying young, second marriages, and those with poor communication (contempt, criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling) face higher divorce risks; however, shared conflict resolution styles and a 5:1 positive-to-negative interaction ratio improve success.
Lesbians have the highest divorce rate because women are more likely to initiate divorce and a lesbian marriage has twice as many women as a regular marriage.
According to the UN, the country with the highest divorce rate in the world is the Maldives with 10.97 divorces per 1000 inhabitants per year. This is followed by the Belarus with 4.63 and the United States with 4.34.
Women initiate the majority of divorces, with studies showing they file in around 70% of cases, a rate that increases to about 90% for college-educated women, according to research from the American Sociological Association (ASA). This trend highlights that women often bear the emotional burden, experience unmet needs, and have greater financial independence, making them more likely to seek divorce when dissatisfied with the relationship.
1. Lack of Honesty. Often when we think of honesty, notably honesty in marital relationships, we think of a very tangible “where were you last night” kind of honesty. While this is obviously critically important, there are many other kinds of dishonesty that can destroy marriages.
The four behaviors that predict over 90% of divorces, known as Dr. John Gottman's "Four Horsemen," are Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling, which erode connection, respect, and safety, leading to relationship breakdown. These destructive communication patterns, if persistent, signal that a marriage is likely to end, with contempt being the most damaging.
The 777 rule for marriage is a relationship guideline to keep couples connected by scheduling specific, regular quality time: a date night every 7 days, a night away (getaway) every 7 weeks, and a romantic holiday every 7 months, often without kids, to foster intimacy, reduce stress, and prevent routine from overtaking the relationship. It's about consistent, intentional efforts to prioritize the partnership.
Lack of commitment is the most common reason given by divorcing couples according to a recent national survey. Here are the reasons given and their percentages: Lack of commitment 73% Argue too much 56%
The 80/80 Marriage pushes couples beyond the limited idea of “fairness” toward a new model grounded on radical generosity and shared success, one that calls for each partner to contribute 80 percent to build the strongest possible relationship.
Contempt. Of all the predictive factors, contempt is the most prominent one. Based on extensive research, Dr Gottman names the 'Four Horsemen' or four communication habits that are the best predictors of divorce.
According to Hartstein, the first year really is the hardest—even if you've already lived together. In fact, it often doesn't matter if you've been together for multiple years, the start of married life is still tricky.
Men and women are remarrying at a fairly similar rate, though divorced men are slightly more likely to remarry than women, Pew found. A slight caveat, the analysis showed, was that widows are less likely to remarry than women who have been divorced.
Grey divorce or late-life divorce is the demographic trend of an increasing divorce rate for older ("grey-haired") couples in long-lasting marriages, a term typically used for people over 50. Those who divorce may be called silver splitters. Divorcing late in life can cause financial difficulties.
The lowest divorce rates for each group were among those aged 65 and older.
Why are so many older couples getting divorced? Whereas younger couples divorce because of incompatible parenting styles or difficult relatives, older divorcees are more likely to split due to empty nest syndrome, infidelity, and financial differences.
The study concludes that approximately 69% of divorces are initiated by women. This comprehensive data set offers robust evidence that women are more likely to initiate breakups across various relationship types, including dating, cohabiting, and married couples.
The 2-2-2 rule for marriage is a guideline to keep a relationship strong and connected: have a date night every two weeks, a weekend getaway every two months, and a week-long vacation every two years. This system encourages regular, intentional quality time, breaks from routine, and deeper connection by ensuring couples prioritize each other amidst daily life, work, and family, preventing stagnation and fostering fun.
Some of the common signs of a marriage not working and heading for divorce are:
These are not the only important qualities, but they are part of what can build a sturdy relationship. Take them in the spirit in which they are offered—as a a lens to think about your own relationship. This blog is part of a series on the five Cs: Chemistry, Commonality, Constructive Conflict, Courtesy and Commitment.
The 3 C's of divorce are typically Communication, Compromise, and Cooperation, principles that help divorcing couples, especially those with children, navigate the process more smoothly by focusing on respectful dialogue, finding middle grounds, and working together for the children's well-being. Applying these fosters less conflict and better outcomes, prioritizing the children's welfare over past grievances.
The biggest mistake during a divorce often involves letting emotions drive decisions, leading to poor financial choices, unnecessary conflict, and detrimental parenting arrangements, with other major errors including hiding assets, not seeking early legal advice, and failing to prioritize the children's needs. Rushing the process or trying to "win" by being nasty instead of focusing on fair, transparent outcomes also causes significant long-term damage, costing time, money, and emotional well-being for everyone involved, especially children.
These top issues that married couples face are financial struggles, parenting conflict, and family drama. These 3 issues seem to be the normal issues presented in therapy and they are very common in my practice today.
Follow the four golden rules – don't lie, keep your promises, argue productively and always play nice – and your relationship will never go anywhere but forward.
Build trust
Studies indicate that spouses who stay together know how to disagree or argue without being hostile and to take responsibility for their actions. They are also more likely to respond quickly to each other's wishes to make up after fights and repair the relationship.