If your motivations are to reconcile your own emotions or to honour your personal connection with the deceased, but you know it could cause upset to others, it's probably best to stay away and find another way to process your emotions.
Is it disrespectful to not attend a funeral? If you live far away, are ill, or believe your attendance would cause distress or disrupt the service, it may be better to avoid going to the funeral. Instead, you may wish to send a sympathy card or send flowers to the bereaved family.
It might seem disrespectful not to attend a parent's funeral, but this is ultimately a personal choice. There is no obligation to attend a funeral, and you might find that you would like to say goodbye in your own way.
It is appropriate for the deceased's family, friends, co-workers and acquaintances to attend the funeral. Your presence will mean a lot to the family and they will remember that you were there.
While you should generally steer clear of bright colours and loud prints (unless otherwise requested), other things to avoid include very revealing or overly casual clothes, like ripped jeans, sheer tops or pieces with inappropriate cut-out details. Accessory-wise, keep things minimal.
To make sure the funeral is a time to grieve and not the start of a major fight, some families choose to place restrictions on who can and cannot attend the service. Unless you specify otherwise, it is implied that anyone is welcome to attend the funeral.
They may hold a visitation for relatives only, and if so, you should respect their wishes. If you've been invited to both but you're unable to attend the visitation, it's fine to simply attend the funeral. It's typically considered more important to attend the funeral service.
Generally, funerals are public events and there isn't a way to legally ban someone. But as the organiser, you do have the right to ask a difficult relative not to come.
Whatever the reason you can't attend, guilt is a normal feeling. But remember, you did not actually fail your loved one. Let the family know as soon as possible, and offer to help in another way. Say goodbye to your loved one on your own, to start the healing process.
While it's usually a good idea to attend the funeral if you're close to the deceased or the family, this isn't always the case. You shouldn't feel wrong about not wanting to attend the funeral, especially if you have a legitimate conflict.
You need not stay long; fifteen minutes gives you enough time to express your sympathy and offer your support. Of course, if the bereaved indicates they would like you to remain for a while, take your cue from them and stay longer. Use your own judgment.
In general, if you're on good terms with your ex-spouse and ex-family, you should attend the funeral. You were a big part of your spouse's life at one time. Even if you've gone separate ways, those memories and feelings are still very real. If you were on good terms, you'll likely be welcome to any funeral events.
When You Should Attend Just the Wake or Just the Funeral. Someone wise once said that you should attend the wake if you would like to show support to the survivors. You should attend the funeral if you need to grieve yourself. If you find yourself in both camps, attend both the wake and the funeral.
Should I attend both the wake and the funeral? It is respectful to attend both, but not compulsory. If you don't feel comfortable attending the wake, or you have a prior commitment you can't avoid, it's polite to let the grieving family know in advance – a phone call or message is usually appropriate.
Some individuals may feel too sad to go to the funeral, may not feel emotionally able to attend, or may have a complex situation that would make attending the funeral unpleasant or unsafe. It is not wrong to not attend a funeral if you feel physically or emotionally unsafe doing so.
Occasionally a funeral director or family liaison officer will advise a family against viewing the body because of bodily injuries or because of decomposition.
Who has the right to possess cremation ashes? The right to possess the ashes is likely to be “the executor*, or whoever was at the charge of the funeral” or basically the person who signed the contract with the funeral director.
In parts of Germany and in Belgium, it was long customary to cover mirrors with a white cloth because it was thought that if a person saw his or her image in a mirror after a death in the household, that person would die shortly.
"Talking or being on your phone during the service is one of the most disrespectful things you could do at a funeral," says Myka Meier, Beaumont Etiquette founder and etiquette expert. It's important to be as present as possible. "Silence your phone, shut off your phone, or even just leave it behind.
Wearing dark grey or deep blue is just as appropriate as black, while brown and lighter greys are suitable for the vast majority of funeral services. However, unless specifically requested by the deceased or their family, you should avoid any bright colors such as yellows, oranges, pinks, and reds.