Give the person some time and space to process the apology and their feelings. They may feel differently once they have some time. Whatever it was that prompted you to apologize was hurtful or disappointing enough. Don't make it worse by crowding their space and disrespecting their wishes.
You're not required to accept an apology and shouldn't feel bad for rejecting an insincere attempt. When something bothers you, it's up to you how you want to move forward.
Narcissists may use a blame-shifting apology, where they apologize but then shift the blame onto the other person. For example, they may say, “I'm sorry I yelled at you, but you made me so angry.” This type of apology does not take responsibility for their actions and places the blame on the other person.
Apologies aren't really meant to help the person who has been wronged. It's more for the person who did you wrong. It makes them feel better when the person they hurt says “I forgive you”. So no, it's important to remember you don't have to accept an apology in order for you to forgive someone.
Those who apologize for an intentionally committed harm may be perceived as self-interested, untrustworthy, and as having an ulterior motive (Fein (1996), Schul et al. (2004)). This might lead to lower acceptance rates.
A phrase designed to elicit an apology from the other party, whereby the original apologizer can deflect full responsibility to that other person; usually said in a hostile or sarcastic tone and often followed by an explicit or implicit “…but this is really your fault”
For instance, if you don't feel like their apology was good enough, you could say something like, “No, I can't accept your apology. It doesn't sound like you're really taking responsibility for what happened.” Or, “Thanks for apologizing, but I'm still really upset and I'm not ready to forgive you yet.
Tell the person offering the apology that it's not a genuine apology and even though they're saying it, their actions will not change. Explain your reasons for pointing it out and help them understand where they are wrong.
If you're still hurt, mad, or upset
If you're still hurt or upset by someone's actions, be open about this. Let them say their apology and acknowledge their effort, but be clear that you aren't fully ready to move forward yet. Commit to revisiting it later after letting your emotions settle.
A gaslight apology is an apology given that often appears sincere but the person is actually not taking any responsibility for what they have caused.
Passive-aggressive apologies are also insincere and intended to make the recipient feel badly. An example of this is emphatically repeating, “I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!” Coerced apologies or those that fulfill someone's expectations are not sincere. Transactional - “I apologized now, so it's your turn.”
There are many reasons someone might not apologize when they've done something you perceive as wrong. The person may not see the situation the same way as you. Other times, they may not want to accept responsibility for their actions.
When your spouse refuses to apologize, one of the best things to do would be to attend couple's counseling. An unbiased mental health professional can do wonders for your marriage. Apart from couple's counseling, it may also be a great idea to opt for individual psychotherapy or counseling sessions.
A non-apology apology, sometimes called a backhanded apology, nonpology, or fauxpology, is a statement in the form of an apology that does not express remorse for what was done or said, or assigns fault to those ostensibly receiving the apology.
The Empty Apology.
It's what you say to someone when you know you need to apologize, but are so annoyed or frustrated that you can't muster even a modicum of real feeling to put behind it. So you go through the motions, literally saying the words, but not meaning it.
A true apology does not overdo.It stays focused on acknowledging the feelings of the hurt party without overshadowing them with your own pain or remorse. A true apology doesn't get caught up in who's to blame or who “started it.”Maybe you're only 14% to blame and maybe the other person provoked you.
When you apologize, the narcissist sees it as a weakness and will use this against you. Maybe you are thinking it would be wrong to not apologize if you did something to hurt someone else.
The Conditional Apology: "I'm sorry if..."
“I am sorry if your feelings were hurt.” "I am sorry if I may have done anything wrong." Conditional apologies fall short of a full apology, suggesting only that something may have been hurtful.
Don't say things like “I really didn't mean it when I said…” or “I did x because Sally did y…”. It lessens the effectiveness of the apology by making you sound insincere. Shifting blame. Avoid saying things like “I'm sorry you were offended” or “I'm sorry the group felt like I was out of line”.
An incomplete apology fails to take complete responsibility, express regret, and ask for forgiveness. They also lack promising it won't happen again or suggesting that the person will try to prevent it in the future. The Denial.