A heartbroken INFJ might think they should never have trusted this person in the first place and eat themselves up with guilt. They might get angry and defensive, scared of ever letting another person in. It's okay to feel those things, but it's not healthy to stay there long-term.
Because of how INFJs deal with past pain, they're likely to have similar reactions to trauma. These include: Avoiding people, places, or things that remind them of the trauma. Experiencing fear and anxiety about the outside world.
They may harbor their hurt for weeks or months before the other person even knows something is wrong. While the other person may be blissfully unaware of the INFJ's hurt and unresolved feelings, those feelings fester. Over time, the INFJ becomes overwhelmed by their emotions.
To boot, the INFJ knows it might be a long time again before they feel a similarly strong bond with another, making it even harder to move on and recover from heartbreak.
INFJ burnout is when, even if it is something that you are passionate about and love to do, you feel like you are going through the motions and aren't doing what your soul called you to do and you feel empty. A little pep talk from someone who knows us well can usually wake us up and put us back on the right track.
Which Types Ranked as the Least Happy? Sadly, INFPs ranked the lowest for happiness as well as the lowest for life-satisfaction. According to the third edition of the MBTI® Manual, these types also ranked second highest in dissatisfaction with their marriages and intimate relationships.
The famous INFJ door slam
But when you've pushed them too far, taking advantage of their giving nature once too often or badgering them into doing things they don't want to do, they will resort to the INFJ door slam. The INFJ door slam is when an INFJ cuts you out of their life permanently.
For example, an INFJ may be turned off by someone who is superficial and focused on material things. INFJs are all about connecting with others and they care deeply about meaningful, authentic relationships. Consequently, someone who is too concerned with money or material objects may be a big turn-off for them.
Kindness. As sensitive personalities, INFJs feel attracted to people who show kindness towards others. Extraverted Feeling is their auxiliary function, which means INFJs try to connect in a gentle way, and appreciate those who can do the same. Most INFJs also strive to make a positive impact on the world.
Why do INFJs struggle so much with guilt? For one, we're perfectionists, and I think guilt goes hand in hand with that. There's also our INFJ tendency to beat ourselves up and sometimes sabotage our own wellbeing. And we're often the first to pick apart and criticize our own actions.
Too many details or other sensory stimuli can provoke a stress reaction in INFJs, especially when you feel uncertain about a situation. Unexpected environments, events or interruptions unsettle you greatly since you are forced to focus on immediate, sensory details rather than relying on your intuition.
INFJs are extremely observant, and it's easy for us to see all the many ways in which we don't fit in with the groups around us. What is much more confusing though, is why we don't fit in. This leads most INFJ personality types to feel alone, misunderstood, rejected, or weird (and not in a good way).
Looking to whatever it is that gives us hope can be incredibly helpful for INFJs who feel overwhelmed by heartache. Listen to relaxing music, read a good book, meditate on something that gives you a sense of hope.
Many emotionally damaged INFJs are drawn to other damaged individuals and those damaged individuals (narcissists) are drawn to them as well. Each side looks to replicate the twisted family dynamics each experienced in their childhood.
They send you a mix-tape of their favorite songs. They tell you things they've never told anyone else. They call you up when they're feeling down. They show frequent physical affection when feelings are being shared.
Their perfectionism can drive others away.
INFJs are perfectionists. Their compulsion for perfection can be harmful to the INFJ themselves, but it can also push people away.
INFJ: Open-mindedness
INFJs seek someone who is open-minded and willing to explore different ways of looking at the world. That's what really turns them on.
Here's Who Drives an INFJ Crazy:
They have a ceaseless hunger for authority, especially over your decisions. They pride themselves on “telling it like it is”, but this only succeeds in making the look superior and unabashedly tactless.
INFJs are no exception to this rule, and when they become overly stressed they may display a dark side that includes angry outbursts, obsessive worrying, perfectionism, or even depression. When INFJs first encounter stress, they start to behave very true-to-type.
The best way for an INFJ to get out of the Ni-Ti loop is to employ their auxiliary Extraverted Feeling (Fe) function. The good news is this is relatively easy for them to do because Fe comes naturally to them.
INTJ: One of The Rarest, Loneliest Personality Types [Introverts and Writing]
Those who are extroverted, sensing, feeling, and judging are often identified as one of the kindest types by experts. "ESFJs have extroverted feeling as a dominant cognitive function," Gonzalez-Berrios says. "This makes them rule by their hearts. They are kind, polite, friendly, and sensitive."