He feels unworthy of love deep down inside, so is trying hard to control his own nervous system and feelings. Guys who run hot and cold could be trying to get closer to you, but when hey feel they're not enough, could pull away love out of fear. He's emotionally unavailable.
He's testing you.
Some men use hot and cold behavior to test your reactions. He may be trying to gauge how interested in him you are. By pulling away, he might be trying to see if you chase him or if you pull back too. His behavior might also be a way to see how far he can push you before you walk away.
In a recent clip, Benjamin discussed dating situations in which one partner blows 'hot and cold'. By this, he means showing varying levels of interest, sometimes being very engaged and interested, and at other times, not showing any interest.
Things You Should Know
Consider reasons his interest may have waned: maybe he's shy, maybe he's playing head games, or maybe he's just realized you're not compatible! Decide whether it's worth it to pursue him anyway. He might just need time—or he might just not be worth the trouble. Ask him directly what's going on.
“Usually, it's used to create distance,” Feuerman says. “It's a way to say, 'I'm not totally sure I am into your or not. ' Or, 'I'm not sure if we want the same thing here.” Either way, mixed signals can be used to slow down the pace of the relationship without actually talking about it. (Cue eyeroll.)
One of the obvious reasons why a guy may ignore or act disinterested in you is because he feels you are too good for him. He lacks the confidence to approach you or is evasive about his feelings with you, fearing you might reject him. He feels that sharing his true feelings might ruin your friendship with him.
When a guy acts interested, then backs off, the reason has less likely to do with you and more to do with him. His past experiences could be coming in the way of your romantic dreams. Maybe, he has been abused, cheated on, or deeply hurt by a partner before, and thus, has his guards high up.
Some people may act in a 'hot and cold' manner out of insecurity, fear of commitment, or as a manipulative tactic to keep the other person interested. It should be treated as a relationship deal breaker. Hot and Cold emotional treatment can become part of a pattern of toxic red flags such as Negging or Ghosting.
The person who blows hot and cold thrives on control and equates feeling out of control with desire. They value what they don't have and 'newness', so you're on borrowed time.
One clear power move that a man will do to you when he's trying to test your patience? He'll ignore you for days at a time, not giving you any updates on where he is, what he's been up to, or whether or not he's even still alive.
His behavior may seem a little detached, disinterested, reticent, or withdrawn. Well, some men could be afraid of heartbreak, embarrassment, or rejection. Though he likes you, his fears may not let him come close to you. Therefore, he may find reasons to avoid a relationship.
Maybe he has family or personal issues going on, or maybe there is a situation at work that is bothering him. There could be even something in the relationship that he is stressed out about. He could also want the support, but not know how to talk to you about it at all.
Men pull away due to multiple reasons ranging from fears, insecurities, or anxieties to desperation or loss of love. It is crucial for you to figure out the reason behind his pulling away to protect your relationship. And probably the best way to deal with it is to give him space. Let him figure out his emotions.
If he's affectionate, pays attention to you, and puts effort into the relationship, you might be overthinking the situation. If he frequently cancels plans with no explanation or apology, ignores you, and doesn't initiate conversations, he might be losing interest.
If he ignores your texts or responds late to your messages, only responds with one-word answers or just emojis, and leaves your text messages on seen, he might be losing interest in the relationship. Is he losing interest or just busy? The best way to know if your partner is busy or losing interest is to ask them.
1 He acts hot and cold. 2 He texts you infrequently and sends short replies. 3 He doesn't follow up after a date.
They may say, “I've been thinking about you. I would love to see you.” Here's what you send back. “If I'm being honest, I'm a little surprised you want us to go on another date. I haven't felt like we've been that close recently as I've not heard from you very much.
He keeps the conversation going.
In general, whether over text or in person, notice if he is trying to keep conversations going with you. That means he'll always ask a follow-up question or offer detailed responses to your questions, and he never responds with just one-word answers or "lol" by itself.
Guys flirt with girls they like. He might ask you for your number, then call you the next day. He may act playful, wink, and flash a smile at you. If most of your conversations feel flirty, then odds are that he likes you as more than just a friend.
Do guys distance themselves when they like a girl or guy? Yes, if they are not convinced the person loves them as much as they love that person. Some men might like you but don't want to look desperate. They believe you might want to take them for granted.