It's also known as the “discouraged subtype” of BPD, a subtype suggested by psychologist Theodore Millon. This subtype is often hard to spot. If you have quiet BPD, you direct moods and behaviors inward, so other people don't see. Your emotions and behaviors may feel like a roller coaster with many ups and downs.
The fear of being abandoned often causes people with BPD to form unhealthy attachments. Sometimes, they may abruptly cut off these relationships, effectively abandoning their partners. Other times, they make frantic attempts to hold onto relationships.
While those with BPD have intense impulsivity, anger outbursts, and episodes of anxiety and depression that are obvious to those around them, turning anger inward is more typical with quiet BPD.
Loss or Rejection: Experiencing loss or rejection, such as the end of a relationship or a job termination, may also trigger an episode of BPD for some people. Intrusive Thoughts: Distressing images or ideas that come without warning, especially those that recall traumatic memories, may intensify BPD.
For example, while a person with typical BPD might show outward signs of rage, a person with quiet BPD might turn that rage inward and engage in self destructive behaviors. Similarly, a person with typical BPD might have crying fits or throw tantrums, while someone with quiet BPD will become moody and withdrawn.
As with 'classic BPD', you have a deep fear of abandonment, but instead of fighting for attachment in the form of clinginess, in quiet BPD you believe you deserve to be abandoned. The self-loathing can drive you to isolate yourself for days and weeks.
If you have quiet BPD, you may have low self-esteem and often feel angry, depressed, or anxious. In addition, you may have a history of self-harm, suicidal thoughts, or both.
By establishing boundaries, enforcing consequences if necessary, sharing emotions with others, and speaking up for yourself; you will take away their power, thus protecting yourself from the narcissist's silent treatment.
Fear of Abandonment
Physical touch can be interpreted as a sign of intimacy and closeness. For someone with BPD, who struggles with a fear of abandonment, touch might stir up feelings of vulnerability and fear, leading to avoiding physical contact.
BPD Triggers Loneliness and Isolation
It may spring from your fear of being rejected or abandoned. This fear can make you feel lonely, even when you have a partner or loving family. Also typical with borderline personality is co-occurring mental illness. One of the most common is depression.
Also, the inability to self-soothe can lead to impulsive, reckless behavior. People with BPD are often on edge. They have high distress and anger levels, so they may be easily offended. They struggle with beliefs and thoughts about themselves and others, which can cause distress in many areas of their lives.
The Karpman drama triangle is a model of three dysfunctional and destructive so- cial behaviors, with each corner of the tri- angle representing a cyclical, toxic role commonly exhibited by patients with BPD: the persecutor, the rescuer, and the victim.
Stonewalling may also be a direct result of a disorder, such as borderline personality disorder or narcissism that causes someone to manipulate others by freezing them out. This behavior also becomes manipulative when, despite evidence, a person denies they are stonewalling someone.
Of the 1.4% of adults in the United States2 living with BPD, a common thread that runs through them is a special connection to a person in their lives. This individual is often described as their 'favorite person,' and may be anyone from a teacher, to a best friend, or even a family member.
Difficulties expressing emotions: Someone with quiet BPD struggles with experiencing and expressing their emotions. They may be unable to identify what they feel, let alone put words to this. Perfectionism: Those with quiet BPD may hold themselves to much higher standards than they hold everyone else too.
Another hallmark of borderline personality disorder is having a favorite person—usually a family member, romantic partner, or someone in a supportive role, such as a teacher or coach. For someone with this type of BPD relationship, a “favorite person” is someone they rely on for comfort, happiness, and validation.
Be a listener
Listen actively and be sympathetic and focus on emotions rather than the words. Ensure that you demonstrate that the person with BPD feels heard. When someone is upset or angry, it's easy and understandable to reciprocate, but it is not helpful.
Research from 2017 points out that feelings of loneliness are common in people with BPD. Many people with BPD have a strong desire to be close to others.
Some people with quiet BPD can hide their condition and appear successful, independent, and overall high functioning. You might be able to hold a job during the day, but crash into a depressive, anxious, or dissociative state when the day is over. Think of quiet BPD as a mask.
Compared to non-patients, BPD patients showed the anticipated higher crying frequency despite a similar crying proneness and ways of dealing with tears. They also reported less awareness of the influence of crying on others.
Your family member or loved one with BPD may be extremely sensitive, so small things can often trigger intense reactions. Once upset, borderline people are often unable to think straight or calm themselves in a healthy way. They may say hurtful things or act out in dangerous or inappropriate ways.