Someone with NPD or narcissistic behaviors is unlikely to do things like apologize or sing your praises without it being self-serving. Narcissism can be a personality trait and a mental health disorder, and someone can have narcissistic tendencies without being labeled a “narcissist.”
There are many reasons someone might not apologize when they've done something you perceive as wrong. The person may not see the situation the same way as you. Other times, they may not want to accept responsibility for their actions.
Narcissists are constantly in self-protection mode. Another reason narcissists refuse to apologize is because to apologize requires empathy. Empathy is the capacity to place yourself into someone else's position and to understand what someone else is feeling.
Narcissistic personality disorder involves a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration. Others often describe people with NPD as cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding.
“Over-apologizing can stem from being too hard on ourselves or beating ourselves up for things,” Dr. Juliana Breines, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Rhode Island, explained. In addition to anxiety, another mental health disorder that can lead people to over-apologize is OCD.
When your spouse refuses to apologize, a big reason could be because they found themselves feeling very defensive. There is a chance that there may have been situations where their mistakes were pointed out by you before they could have the opportunity to process and realize it themselves.
No matter how thoughtful your attempt, no matter how much time or money you spent, no matter how many people were put out on the narcissist's behalf, the narcissist will not thank you. You're only giving them something they believe they are entitled to.
In my experience, a good apology not only heals the first injury but strengthens the relationship between people. In contrast, the failure to make an apology when one is called for often causes more damage than the initial hurt—because it expands the breach between the two of you.
A gaslight apology is an apology given that often appears sincere but the person is actually not taking any responsibility for what they have caused.
A 2013 study published in The European Journal of Social Psychology found that people who refuse to express remorse maintain a greater sense of control and feel better about themselves than those who do not -- even when they actually made a mistake.
One of the reasons men are not apologetic is that admitting wrongdoing takes them out of their comfort zone. Apologies are often viewed as humiliating and a loss of face by men. When a man admits he has done something wrong, he often feels diminished in the eyes of those who hear the apology.
When Apologizing Is a Good Idea. If something you've done has caused pain for another person, it's a good idea to apologize, even if whatever you did was unintentional. This is because apologizing opens up the doors to communication, which allows you to reconnect with the person who was hurt.
Although it may seem like a harmless — even overly polite — habit, it comes with consequences. Mental health professionals say over-apologizing can lead to resentment towards others, shame around one's identity, and a constant struggle to stand up for oneself.
Although narcissistic people can apologize, they're more likely to do so for their own benefit rather than out of genuine remorse. For example, a narcissist might offer an insincere apology to get something in return.
If you maybe even apologize for existing. It's important to understand from where does this impulse to over apologize comes from. Over-apologizing can also be a symptom of codependency, low self-esteem, and a tendency to avoid conflict even if it costs us repressing our true feelings and thoughts.
“To what extent do you agree with this statement: 'I am a narcissist.'” Scientists believe that this question could be all researchers need to make a quick and easy diagnosis of narcissism.
Need for Admiration
One of the most common signs of a narcissist is a constant need for praise or admiration. People with this behavior need to feel validation from others and often brag or exaggerate their accomplishments for recognition. They also like to feel appreciated to boost their ego.
On the other extreme, persons with vulnerable narcissism may present with salient features of dysthymia, depression, and anhedonia. However, the grandiosity and need for admiration would be prominent despite the affective symptoms, which would differentiate it from a major depressive disorder.