Kindness. As sensitive personalities, INFJs feel attracted to people who show kindness towards others. Extraverted Feeling is their auxiliary function, which means INFJs try to connect in a gentle way, and appreciate those who can do the same. Most INFJs also strive to make a positive impact on the world.
Someone who understands. INFJs are complex and introverted. While we do our utmost to be understanding towards others, we crave for someone who understands us at a deep level - and there are just too few people who are able to (and care too) understand our inner works. Someone passionate.
You attract an INFJ by listening to them; without trying to come up with solutions. Although advice can be very helpful at times, sometimes, listening intently really helps more. LIstening helps validate the emotions of people and show how attentive and aware you are. But also that you're present.
For example, an INFJ may be turned off by someone who is superficial and focused on material things. INFJs are all about connecting with others and they care deeply about meaningful, authentic relationships. Consequently, someone who is too concerned with money or material objects may be a big turn-off for them.
INTP (“The Logician”)
In the world of personality theory, the INTP and INFJ pairing has been nicknamed “The Golden Pair” because these two types can be highly compatible.
However, time and time again, INFJs have told me that they get uncomfortably awkward around their crushes. They giggle more, trip over things more, and make self-deprecating jokes to try to ease the tension.
INFJs ranked as having low dominance according to the CPI™ tool. Since the traits linked with low-dominance were being quiet, cautious, or hesitant to take action, this makes sense. INFJs tend to be on the quiet side, and they also tend to be extremely independent.
Their perfectionism can drive others away.
INFJs are perfectionists. Their compulsion for perfection can be harmful to the INFJ themselves, but it can also push people away.
The famous INFJ door slam
But when you've pushed them too far, taking advantage of their giving nature once too often or badgering them into doing things they don't want to do, they will resort to the INFJ door slam. The INFJ door slam is when an INFJ cuts you out of their life permanently.
According to Priebe's survey, 35.67% of INFJs list “Quality Time” as their preferred love language. This is followed by Words of Affirmation (25.54%), Physical Touch (21.83%), Acts of Service (14.04%), and Gifts (2.92%).
INFJs are the most extroverted of the introverts, but we tend to lack confidence. INFJs tend to flirt with prolonged, intense eye contact. We'll occasionally say hi or wave, but nothing else. If we end up getting closer, we'll open up little by little.
INFJs often put effort in to their appearance, depending on how they feel that day.
Reading too much into a situation
INFJs can appear very awkward when their intuition kicks in and they start reading into a situation. For instance, if someone is being sweeter to the boss than usual, you may infer that they are doing it to get ahead at work.
INFJs want a high degree of intimacy and emotional engagement, and are happiest when they feel they are sharing their innermost thoughts and feelings with their mates.
Because of our passionate need for meaningful connection, we INFJs can get jealous easily when we see other people connecting and having fun. We might compare ourselves to them, or worse yet, when someone close to us has friends of their own, we might pull away, feeling unwanted and pathetic.
Worst Matches for an INFJ
For these reasons, the two worst potential matches for an INFJ are the energetic and unemotional ESTP and the always curious and firmly grounded ISTP. Relationships with both types of personalities leave the INFJ feeling unfulfilled and disconnected from their partners.
The INFJ is most compatible with both the ENFJ and the ENTP. These two personality types can use their extroversion to bring out the best-hidden qualities of the INFJ. They will become more confident and try new activities to push beyond their comfort zone.
Because they are often reserved, high-achieving individuals with high expectations of both themselves and others, INFJs can be intimidating to other personality types. Since INFJs are also the rarest personality type, many people misunderstand them.
INFJs are no exception to this rule, and when they become overly stressed they may display a dark side that includes angry outbursts, obsessive worrying, perfectionism, or even depression. When INFJs first encounter stress, they start to behave very true-to-type.
INFJs are incredibly loyal, and when they love, they love more deeply and fiercely than even they can fathom; they desperately want the people in their life to feel appreciated. However, this behavior can backfire, as constant communication and “How are you doing? Are you doing OK?” can be seen as clingy.