Passive-aggressive personality disorder, also called negativistic personality disorder, is characterized by procrastination, covert obstructionism, inefficiency and stubbornness.
This type of behavior often comes from feelings of insecurity or powerlessness, which lead to subtle but damaging reactions. It's important to remember that the person behaving passive aggressively is not automatically a bad person, they are just responding to their environment in the only way they know how.
Passive-aggressiveness is a behavior where people tend to avoid direct conflict and express their anger indirectly through sulking, procrastination, withdrawal, stubbornness, controlling, and sabotaging tasks (1).
Social exclusion: Be direct
You might only find out after the event through gossip or social media. Leaving someone out is sneaky but deliberate. The person doesn't want to confront you, but they want you to feel isolated. You can annoy passive-aggressors like this by direct confrontation.
Because they are indirect about their thoughts and feelings, their intentions are not clear. Stefan Falk, a leadership consultant who studies workplace psychology, says passive-aggressive behavior “destroys value, as well as pollutes the work environment.”
Some red flags that someone you know is being passive-aggressive: Resents or outright opposes the instructions of others, though they may still do what they're told. Delays finishing a task that someone else requested or makes intentional mistakes. Has a sarcastic or argumentative attitude.
Someone who is passive-aggressive often lets others take control while someone who is aggressive is more confrontational or directly forceful. So, someone who is passive-aggressive exerts their control over situations in a less direct or recognizable way.
Being passive-aggressive suggests that you're using indirect or nonconfrontational means to convey your feelings of negativity. Instead of yelling and waving your hands, for example, you might make sarcastic comments, give backhanded compliments, or deliberately take extra time on projects to “get back at” someone.
The silent treatment can often be used when the person doesn't have the tools to respond differently. When faced with the triggering of strong feelings, they may not know what else to do — so they go quiet. It can also be a passive-aggressive response to avoid directly communicating how (hurt) they feel.
The most obvious example of passive-aggressive behavior can be experienced when someone is gaslighting you and being emotionally manipulative. But it can happen in smaller ways, too, even with people you love and care about or see every day.
Although passive-aggressive behavior can be a feature of various mental health conditions, it isn't considered a distinct mental illness. However, passive-aggressive behavior can interfere with relationships and cause difficulties on the job.
People who are passive-aggressive rarely show anger. Instead, they stuff it down inside. They may even appear happy and accommodating on the outside but will act on their pent-up anger, taking it out on others in a behind-the-scenes way.
To compensate for one's inability to speak directly and solve problems assertively, a passive-aggressive individual may resort to covert means of manipulation, domination, and control in order to gain leverage. In a twisted way, one feels more powerful by agitating, frustrating, disappointing, and/or failing others.
Passive aggression stems from deep anger, hostility, and frustration that a person, for whatever reason, is not comfortable expressing directly. When dealing with passive-aggressive behavior, it's important to understand that beneath all of those snide remarks lies a deep unhappiness and sadness.
It's important to note that not all passive-aggressive individuals are narcissistic. What characterizes the passive-aggressive narcissist is their barely disguised sense of superiority, conceit, and entitlement. They are inclined to become covertly hostile when they don't get their way, no matter how unreasonable.
The good news is that there is a way to stop this behavior, both in ourselves and in others. The key is to remember this six-word phrase: "Attack the problem, not the person."
A passive-aggressive person will avoid face-to-face confrontation. They can't show their feelings; therefore, being lonely will improve peace of mind. Most passive aggressors will isolate themselves to clear harsh feedback.
The person being passive-aggressive is often unaware of their motives. Someone raised in an environment lacking open, healthy conflict might automatically consider conflict a bad thing and resort to passive-aggressive tendencies.
"Passive-aggressive partners are generally codependent, and like codependents, suffer from shame and low self-esteem," Lancer says. Attempts to engage with a partner who suffers from this may result in a sense of emotional abandonment. They can form an intimate connection up to a certain point.
As a psychiatrist I teach my patients to address passive aggressive behavior directly as the person may not be aware of the impact on you since they are short on empathy.
If a friends buys a new house, the passive aggressive may say “It's a nice starter home.” You buy a new car and the passive aggressive says “That's a great car, it's almost as nice as John's.” “I love your new dress, I wish I had one like that but I think I'm too skinny for that style.”
Passsive-aggression is an unhealthy way of expressing anger. Typical tactics employed by passive-aggressive people include sarcasm, biting jokes, agreeing to something, then backing out at the last minute, sulking, taking ages to complete a simple task, deliberately making mistakes or breaking things 'accidently. '
In some cases, stress caused by life events or a mental health issue can cause people to act in passive-aggressive ways. Anxiety, depression, bipolar, and ADHD are a few common mental health issues that may cause passive aggression.