To avoid hurting your wife, don't use absolutes like "you always/never," dismiss her feelings with "calm down," make personal attacks, bring up past relationships, or threaten the relationship with divorce; instead, listen, validate her experience, focus on specific behaviors, and express needs respectfully.
The 2-2-2 rule for couples is a guideline to keep relationships fresh by scheduling consistent quality time: a date night every two weeks, a weekend getaway every two months, and a week-long vacation every two years, aiming to prioritize connection, break routine, and build shared memories without being overly rigid. It's a framework for intentional effort, helping couples stay connected amidst busy lives, but can be adapted to fit budgets and schedules, especially with kids.
Never criticize, demean, or humiliate her.
You love her, and she is the one you made a commitment to and said you would spend your life with. If all that is true, why would you criticize her? I hear people describe when their husband said something really demeaning at a party about their wife with her standing there.
The Top 5 Things That Destroy a Marriage
Some behaviors of disrespect in relationships include nagging, criticism, stonewalling, lying, put downs, pressuring the other, disloyalty, and threats to end the relationship or marriage.
The 777 rule for marriage is a relationship guideline to keep couples connected by scheduling specific, regular quality time: a date night every 7 days, a night away (getaway) every 7 weeks, and a romantic holiday every 7 months, often without kids, to foster intimacy, reduce stress, and prevent routine from overtaking the relationship. It's about consistent, intentional efforts to prioritize the partnership.
Some of the common signs of a marriage not working and heading for divorce are: A lack of communication. A lack of intimacy. A disregard for one another's feelings.
Gottman studied more than 2,000 married couples over two decades and found four attitudes that most predict the dissolution of a relationship, especially in combination. They are criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling — the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The 5-5-5 rule in marriage refers to two main communication techniques: one where couples spend 5 minutes each speaking and 5 minutes dialoguing (5-5-5), and another where a person asks if an issue will matter in 5 minutes, 5 days, and 5 years to gain perspective. Both methods aim to de-escalate conflict, encourage active listening, and focus on long-term understanding rather than immediate reactions, fostering healthier communication and connection.
The Three A's – Adultery, Abuse, and Addiction
Therapists would love for every marriage to be able to be saved, but that just simply isn't realistic. Every marriage therapist knows when a couple comes into their office and are dealing with one of what we call, The Three A's …
The "3x3 rule" in marriage is a guideline for balancing individual and couple time, suggesting each partner gets three hours of alone time per week and the couple spends three hours of quality time together, often recommended for busy parents to reduce resentment and reconnect by scheduling protected "me time" and dedicated "us time". It's a strategy to ensure both personal well-being and relationship connection are prioritized, preventing burnout and rekindling sparks through intentional, scheduled breaks and shared experiences.
The biggest red flags in a guy are controlling behavior, lack of respect, emotional manipulation (like gaslighting or the silent treatment), extreme jealousy, anger issues, and dishonesty, all signaling potential abuse or toxicity. Other major warning signs include emotional unavailability, inconsistency (love bombing followed by withdrawal), blaming others, and mismatched life goals, indicating an inability to compromise or grow. These patterns often repeat and harm your well-being, showing a lack of maturity or empathy.
Four Habits That Destroy Marriages
According to Hartstein, the first year really is the hardest—even if you've already lived together. In fact, it often doesn't matter if you've been together for multiple years, the start of married life is still tricky.
One haram action between husband and wife is anal intercourse, which is unanimously prohibited. This act goes against the principles of Islamic teachings and is considered a grave sin. Sexual relations during menstruation are also prohibited, and the Quran highlights potential harm that can occur during this time.
If both spouses' names are on the title deeds, they will each be entitled to a share of the property and this would be assumed to be a 50:50 split unless there is a legal agreement in place that specifies otherwise.
Contempt. Of all the predictive factors, contempt is the most prominent one. Based on extensive research, Dr Gottman names the 'Four Horsemen' or four communication habits that are the best predictors of divorce.
Establish a 10-minute rule. Every day, for 10 minutes, talk alone about something other than work, the family and children, the household, the relationship. No problems, no scheduling, no logistics. Tell each other about your lives.
Relationships ebb and flow. Plus, if you and your S.O. survived the dreaded two-year mark (i.e. the most common time period when couples break up), then you're destined to be together forever…
Women initiate the majority of divorces, with studies showing they file in around 70% of cases, a rate that increases to about 90% for college-educated women, according to research from the American Sociological Association (ASA). This trend highlights that women often bear the emotional burden, experience unmet needs, and have greater financial independence, making them more likely to seek divorce when dissatisfied with the relationship.
Decline in intimacy
A decrease in both physical and emotional intimacy is one of the things that destroys marriage. Intimacy is key to maintaining a strong emotional connection, and its absence can lead to feelings of neglect and emotional disconnection.
Sins against marriage and conjugal chastity
The church believes adultery, divorce, remarriage after divorce, marriage without the intent to transmit life, polygamy, incest, child abuse, free union, and trial marriage are sins against the dignity of marriage.
The majority of divorces occur at the end of the first five years of marriage, according to the American Psychological Association. Additionally, the divorce rate increases sharply in the first year after marriage and then gradually declines over time.
Physical, mental, or emotional abuse
Physical, emotional, and mental abuse are undeniable red flags in any relationship. Physical abuse is easier to pick up on. But emotional and mental abuse can be just as damaging in the long run. And just like physical abuse, mental and emotional abuse can cause PTSD.
Grey divorce or late-life divorce is the demographic trend of an increasing divorce rate for older ("grey-haired") couples in long-lasting marriages, a term typically used for people over 50. Those who divorce may be called silver splitters. Divorcing late in life can cause financial difficulties.