People cheat in relationships due to a complex mix of unmet needs, emotional voids, low self-esteem, anger, lack of commitment, desire for novelty, !/nav!/nav!/nav>>neglect, or situational factors like opportunity and alcohol, with motivations ranging from seeking validation and excitement to acting out due to unresolved issues or dissatisfaction, often involving a lack of communication or emotional distance from the primary partner.
6 Reasons Why People Cheat on Their Partners
Studies often link compulsive cheating to impulsivity and high levels of sexual interest or behavior. Some people may also associate compulsive cheating with sexual addiction. Although these behaviors or traits have been associated with serial cheating, not everyone who experiences them will cheat.
Someone might cheat as a way of coping with these newer parts of their identity. Maybe they tap into a sexual desire that never existed before. Or they learn their relationship doesn't have the type of intimate conversations they value. Some people might cheat because the relationship has never really been defined.
Six Revealing Reasons People Cheat
Cheating on a partner doesn't always mean love is gone.
Many who cheat still feel love for their partner and guilt for the infidelity. Cheating can stem from emotional distance, insecurity, or the fear of missing out. Addiction, stress, or past trauma can drive infidelity without negating love.
The 7-7-7 rule for couples is a guideline for maintaining strong connection by scheduling dedicated time: a date night every 7 days, a weekend getaway (or night away) every 7 weeks, and a longer, kid-free vacation every 7 months, all designed to fight drift and routine by ensuring consistent, intentional quality time, though flexibility is key.
Cheating, in its many forms, is always ego-driven i.e., people cheat for selfish reasons, not because of their partner. It's often a combination of factors like low self-esteem, dissatisfaction, and opportunity. If someone cheats on you, it's not your fault – it was their choice.
Some people have asked whether Harry actually physically cheated or not, but "Love Actually" script editor Emma Freud clarified that he did. "DEFINITELY had an affair," she wrote on X in 2015. "I begged richard just to make it a flirtation, but no. the whole way."
The Kinsey Reports found that around half of men and a quarter of women studied had committed adultery. The Janus Report on Sexual Behavior in America also reported that one-third of married men and a quarter of women have had an extramarital affair.
Men still cheat more than women overall, but the gender gap is narrowing among younger generations. Infidelity rates peak at different age ranges for men (60-69) and women (50-59), showing age-specific patterns. Both psychological factors and relationship dynamics influence cheating behavior across all demographics.
The 80/20 rule in relationships explains cheating as the temptation to abandon a solid partner (80% good) for someone new who seems to offer the missing 20% of needs, a pursuit often leading to regret as the new person lacks the original 80%. Infidelity often arises from focusing on flaws (the 20%) rather than appreciating the substantial good (the 80%), making an affair partner seem appealing for fulfilling that small gap, but ultimately resulting in losing the valuable foundation of the primary relationship.
It may also be a symptom associated with certain personality disorders, including narcissistic, histrionic, antisocial, and borderline personality disorders. Finally, people with substance use disorders may be more inclined to cheat when they're under the influence.
If you've cheated, you've broken a commitment to someone else. And you've likely lied, been deceptive in your behavior, and deliberately sneaky. It should be no surprise that you've destroyed your ability to be trusted. People who know about your cheating will recognize that your trustworthiness is now limited.
The 2-2-2 rule for marriage is a guideline to keep a relationship strong and connected: have a date night every two weeks, a weekend getaway every two months, and a week-long vacation every two years. This system encourages regular, intentional quality time, breaks from routine, and deeper connection by ensuring couples prioritize each other amidst daily life, work, and family, preventing stagnation and fostering fun.
There are several types of personalities that have been found to be more prone to cheating, including narcissists, psychopaths, and those with an avoidant attachment style.
There isn't one single "best" predictor of cheating; rather, it's a combination of factors, with relationship dissatisfaction, low sexual satisfaction, mismatched sexual desire, and poor communication being the strongest predictors, often alongside individual traits like insecure attachment styles, impulsivity, and a history of infidelity. Ultimately, a lack of emotional connection and unresolved relationship issues significantly increase the risk, according to this Psychology Today article, this National Institutes of Health article, and this Medium article.
Soft cheating (or micro-cheating) involves subtle, often digital, behaviors that cross relationship boundaries and breach trust without being full-blown infidelity, like excessive social media interaction with others, hiding messages, or maintaining secretive contact with an ex, often stemming from a need for validation but eroding intimacy and causing insecurity.
Many men who cheat still claim to care deeply for their partners, which can create confusion and emotional pain. New research shows that male infidelity is often not about love or attraction but rather may result from unmet emotional needs, or physical intimacy needs, or self-esteem issues.
7 reasons why people cheat in relationships
The best stance for therapists to take is encouraging clients to explore all of their feelings about the affair and their marriage or partnership and to help them hold all of these intense emotions, though not necessarily at once.
Studies show that less than 2% of relationships starting in affairs last more than 2 years, and the majority of those know by 6 months that they are not happy in the relationship, but feel as though they have to make it work because they blew up their life to be with that person.
Relationships ebb and flow. Plus, if you and your S.O. survived the dreaded two-year mark (i.e. the most common time period when couples break up), then you're destined to be together forever…
1. Lack of Honesty. Often when we think of honesty, notably honesty in marital relationships, we think of a very tangible “where were you last night” kind of honesty. While this is obviously critically important, there are many other kinds of dishonesty that can destroy marriages.
The goals of the Gottman Method include increasing closeness and friendship behaviors, addressing conflict productively, and building a life of shared meaning together. The Gottman Method involves customizing principles from the research to each couple's particular patterns and challenges.