Cheating isn't a mental illness itself but can stem from underlying issues like Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), characterized by entitlement and lack of empathy, and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), linked to impulsivity and fear of abandonment, often leading to seeking validation. Other factors include addictions, low self-esteem, attachment issues, or emotional disconnection, while Bipolar Disorder can also play a role during manic phases.
Traits of narcissistic personality disorder, such as lack of empathy or manipulation, can intensify infidelity. In other cases, paranoia, psychopathy-like behavior, or depression may contribute to emotional neglect. Bipolar disorder may also complicate matters, with mood shifts increasing impulsivity.
For instance, they might say something like, “Well, if you weren't so distant all the time, I wouldn't have done it.” Or, “I only did it because our sex life has been so dull lately.” They might also try to blame the person they had an affair with.
Having low self-esteem, feeling unhappy with life or a relationship, trauma, fear, and unhelpful patterns of behavior learned as a kid (like from parents in abusive relationships) or in previous relationships could all be reasons why people cheat, says therapist Brianna Brunner, LCSW, owner of Couples Therapy Services.
Cheating in a relationship can result in chronic mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress. Long-term effects on your psychological health include insecurity, low self-esteem, and difficulty trusting others.
Cheating, in its many forms, is always ego-driven i.e., people cheat for selfish reasons, not because of their partner. It's often a combination of factors like low self-esteem, dissatisfaction, and opportunity. If someone cheats on you, it's not your fault – it was their choice.
While depressive episodes generally reduce sexual desire, they can in some cases cause a significant increase. Hypomanic and manic episodes typically lead to heightened libido, and substance use further contributes to risky sexual behaviour. The aforementioned factors create favourable conditions for infidelity.
Cheating on a partner doesn't always mean love is gone.
Many who cheat still feel love for their partner and guilt for the infidelity. Cheating can stem from emotional distance, insecurity, or the fear of missing out. Addiction, stress, or past trauma can drive infidelity without negating love.
Men still cheat more than women overall, but the gender gap is narrowing among younger generations. Infidelity rates peak at different age ranges for men (60-69) and women (50-59), showing age-specific patterns. Both psychological factors and relationship dynamics influence cheating behavior across all demographics.
The 80/20 rule in relationships explains cheating as the temptation to abandon a solid partner (80% good) for someone new who seems to offer the missing 20% of needs, a pursuit often leading to regret as the new person lacks the original 80%. Infidelity often arises from focusing on flaws (the 20%) rather than appreciating the substantial good (the 80%), making an affair partner seem appealing for fulfilling that small gap, but ultimately resulting in losing the valuable foundation of the primary relationship.
Those who cheat can be driven by many things (An analysis revealed eight key reasons: anger, self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and situation or circumstance) but what is often overlooked is that these types of people often cheat repeatedly for the short term chemical ...
Soft cheating (or micro-cheating) involves subtle, often digital, behaviors that cross relationship boundaries and breach trust without being full-blown infidelity, like excessive social media interaction with others, hiding messages, or maintaining secretive contact with an ex, often stemming from a need for validation but eroding intimacy and causing insecurity.
Interestingly enough, some individuals who cheat also exhibit signs of dissatisfaction long before they actually stray. They may withdraw emotionally from their partners or display irritability over minor issues—a signal that something deeper is amiss within themselves rather than solely within the relationship.
There isn't one single "best" predictor of cheating; rather, it's a combination of factors, with relationship dissatisfaction, low sexual satisfaction, mismatched sexual desire, and poor communication being the strongest predictors, often alongside individual traits like insecure attachment styles, impulsivity, and a history of infidelity. Ultimately, a lack of emotional connection and unresolved relationship issues significantly increase the risk, according to this Psychology Today article, this National Institutes of Health article, and this Medium article.
The number one trait of a narcissist is often considered a grandiose sense of self-importance (grandiosity) combined with a profound lack of empathy, where they see others as tools for their own gain and have an inflated, often unrealistic, view of their own superiority, needing constant admiration without acknowledging others' feelings or needs, as highlighted by HelpGuide.org and The Hart Centre. This core creates other behaviors like entitlement, manipulation, and arrogance, making them believe they deserve special treatment.
Some common warning signs include intense and rapidly changing emotions, often triggered by seemingly minor events. Individuals with BPD may exhibit impulsive behaviors such as substance abuse, binge eating, or reckless driving.
The 777 rule for marriage is a relationship guideline to keep couples connected by scheduling specific, regular quality time: a date night every 7 days, a night away (getaway) every 7 weeks, and a romantic holiday every 7 months, often without kids, to foster intimacy, reduce stress, and prevent routine from overtaking the relationship. It's about consistent, intentional efforts to prioritize the partnership.
Surprisingly, these full-blown affairs almost never start at a bar or club. Instead, they usually begin in much more wholesome environments: The workplace. The workplace is where most affairs begin.
1. Lack of Honesty. Often when we think of honesty, notably honesty in marital relationships, we think of a very tangible “where were you last night” kind of honesty. While this is obviously critically important, there are many other kinds of dishonesty that can destroy marriages.
The 2-2-2 relationship rule is a guideline for couples to keep their bond strong and fresh by scheduling regular, dedicated time together: a date night every two weeks, a weekend getaway every two months, and a week-long vacation every two years, which helps prioritize connection, break routine, and create lasting memories. It's a framework to ensure consistent quality time, even with busy schedules, to prevent boredom and strengthen partnership.
A cheating man's mindset often involves a mix of selfishness, insecurity, and entitlement, driven by a desire for validation, excitement, or escape from relationship issues, leading to rationalizations like blaming his partner or minimizing the affair's impact, while lacking empathy or remorse for the betrayal. They might feel inadequate and seek external affirmation, crave power, or struggle with commitment, sometimes seeing the affair as a solution rather than acknowledging deeper relationship problems, say experts.
Studies show that less than 2% of relationships starting in affairs last more than 2 years, and the majority of those know by 6 months that they are not happy in the relationship, but feel as though they have to make it work because they blew up their life to be with that person.
The first red flag of bipolar disorder often appears as significant changes in sleep patterns, mood instability (irritability/euphoria), increased energy/agitation, and rapid thoughts/speech, frequently mistaken for unipolar depression or normal moodiness, with sleep disruption (insomnia or oversleeping) and heightened irritability being very common early signs, notes Better Mental Health.
Infidelity may not only have a destructive impact on the relationship, which may lead to separation or divorce, but may negatively affect the partners' overall emotional wellbeing, leading to enhanced depressive symptoms andlowered self-esteem [3].
You can use a 48 hour rule where you wait at least 2 full days with 2 nights sleep before acting on risky decisions. Review your decision to avoid a tempting, but risky, behaviour.