A study in 2016 investigated the triggers behind jealousy in narcissists. They were specifically looking into romantic relationships, and found two key reasons – entitlement, and self-esteem.
Low self-worth/confidence/esteem is at the core of a narcissism. This low sense of self naturally makes it extremely easy for them to become jealous – very jealous. And not just about anyone potentially interested in you romantically, but anyone or anything that can take the focus off of them.
They Are Criticized. When a narcissist is criticized, their inflated sense of self is damaged. Any perceived negative feedback, even if offered in gentle or productive ways, can easily result in outbursts of narcissistic rage. A narcissist cannot tolerate threats to their massive egos and grandiose self-image.
Generally, how do narcissists feel when you move on? Naturally, narcissism is characterized by envy. Besides having an unreasonably high sense of self-importance and requiring constant, narcissists tend to envy others. So, when the narcissist sees you with someone else, it may not go well with them.
Anyone who has spent significant time dating a narcissistic person knows firsthand that such partners often provoke jealousy by talking about wanting to date other people, commenting on how attractive someone else is (e.g., while out on a date), and discussing the shortcomings of their current partner compared to ...
Moving on after a breakup may be a coping mechanism for people with narcissistic personalities, she adds. “Often, they are seeking validation from emptiness created in their childhoods or developed from trauma,” Chawla says.
Although narcissists act superior to others and posture as beyond reproach, underneath their grandiose exteriors lurk their deepest fears: That they are flawed, illegitimate, and ordinary.
Narcissists' Greatest Fear
Although narcissists act superior, entitled and boastful, underneath their larger-than-life facade lies their greatest fear: That they are ordinary. For narcissists, attention is like oxygen. Narcissists believe only special people get attention.
First, a partner who projects his or her jealousy onto a person may be displaying signs of narcissism. The partner may not be able to cope with the negative emotion, so he or she defends against it by “seeing” it in a mate. The partner then feels entitled to accuse and criticize the person.
The most common traits narcissists possess are dismissiveness, entitlement, and grandiosity—including blatant defiance of your boundaries, jealousy and resentment when someone else captures the spotlight, and outrageous expectations for how their needs should be met—while grasping for anyone to cloak them in validation ...
They tend to want to be the best and seem the happiest at the expense of another person's well-being. You might notice that they use detrimental behavior to devalue the happy people around them. This is likely because they want to stand out and do what they can to gain higher status and make others unhappy.
One clear sign of insecurity is when they tell stories about themselves doing amazing things or meeting famous people. A story like this can be used to show off their achievements and impress others around them. These grandiose fantasies are a way for the narcissist to feel important or special.
It often involves extravagant confessions of love, romantic gestures, fake remorse, and empty promises of change. A narcissist will use baiting to keep their narcissistic supply in place. In the case of hoovering, their intention is not just to provoke you, but also to have you back in their life.
Deep down, the narcissist views themself as flawed and unlovable. So if you love them, they view you as imperfect, making you the target of their punishment. Their self-hatred and shame transfer onto you. They choose you because you are more easily manipulated or accommodating to their needs.
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
The most effective weapon to fend off a narcissist is self-love. Narcissists do not want to feel like you don't need them, that you are better off without them, and that you love yourself exactly as you are.
Type As can also be dangerous to narcissists
Although they can be targeted, type A people can also become a narcissist's worst nightmare. One of the most important defenses against dark personalities is having strong boundaries yourself, and type A people are usually aware they have the right to build them.
Relationships with narcissists move very quickly. Neo said some people simply do mesh really well, because they have similar interests, and also complement each other's differences. “But anybody who tries to do it too quickly early on is basically accelerating intimacy, and that is bad news,” she said.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
People with high levels of narcissistic admiration experienced less anxiety and sadness after a breakup and maintained positive perceptions of their exes. They were also more likely to initiate a breakup and attribute it to their lack of interest in their ex.