#1 They Fear Rejection What is this? Narcissists despise rejection, it destabilizes and invalidates them. They work exceptionally hard to keep up appearances; inwardly, they feel unlovable and inferior. Any form of rejection, whether professional, personal, or social, sends them on a warpath.
Although narcissists act superior, entitled and boastful, underneath their larger-than-life facade lies their greatest fear: That they are ordinary. For narcissists, attention is like oxygen.
Rejection, humiliation, and even the tiniest of defeats can shake them to their core. This leaves narcissists wholly focused on their image.
Narcissists despise being held accountable for their actions. Everything is always someone else's responsibility unless there is praise to be had for a job well done. A narcissist will fear you if you gain the ability to impose consequences for unwanted behavior.
It is a misconception that narcissists target weak, vulnerable people because they will be easier to manipulate. They actually go for the exact opposite. They look for people who are confident, successful, attractive and strong-willed.
Narcissists thrive on getting attention, feeling special, and having control. He is an expert at getting an emotional reaction out of you – good or bad – because it makes him feel powerful and better than you. The best thing you can do is not react.
Narcissists require loyalty. That being said, the loyalty is only one way. Many narcissists demand loyalty from their partners, while hypocritically betraying the relationship themselves; sometimes by even cheating on their partners, with no remorse.
Narcissists are the masters of emotional manipulation. They will try to control your thoughts and desires. Making future promises and emotional blackmail are two forms of manipulation but gaslighting is most common. Manipulation causes confusion, low self-esteem, anxiety, shame, and guilt.
THE BASICS
Grooming a person, manipulating her into doubting her feelings, generating shame regarding her best qualities, and manipulatively creating dependency are four ways a narcissist destroys a person from the inside out.
Narcissists value fame, beauty, and success more than relationships. Sure, they date and have friends and often these relationships start out exciting — but fizzle quickly. “People who are narcissistic should have a trail of bad relationships behind them,” Campbell said.
Forthcoming in the journal Psychological Bulletin, the study compiled 31 years of narcissism research and found that men consistently scored higher in narcissism across multiple generations and regardless of age.
8 Triggers of a Narcissist's Rage
They don't get their way, even if what they want is unreasonable. They feel that they've been criticized, even if the critique is constructive or said kindly. They're not the center of attention. They're caught breaking rules or not respecting boundaries.
More often, narcissistic rage is an intense emotional response accompanied by hurtful comments and actions. On the outside, it may look like someone's out of control or they're out to “get you.” On the inside, they may feel intense pain and vulnerability and a significant need to regain control.
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
They use shock, awe, and guilt.
Narcissists continue to gain control of the people in their lives by eliciting difficult emotions. “After going through a period of 'grooming' someone for a close relationship, the narcissist moves on to use shock, awe, and guilt to maintain control,” Talley explains.
Here are some narcissism red flags to look out for: Lacking empathy. They seem unable or unwilling to have empathy for others, and they appear to have no desire for emotional intimacy. Unrealistic sense of entitlement.
Psychological trauma from their abuse will not just go away. In fact, this type of abuse can cause long lasting post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD. The abuse from a narcissist is overwhelming. It is hard to identify and sufferers tend to blame themselves and continue to suffer long after the relationship is over.
"Narcissists are primed to be abusive because they're so hypersensitive, and they don't have empathy, and they don't have object constancy," Greenberg said. "So they are primed to take offence and be abusive and not really understand... It's a lot of work for the non-narcissistic mate."
Narcissists often look for victims who struggle with insecurity and low self-esteem. People who think less of themselves and struggle with the “I am not enough” mindset tend to attract toxic partners. People with self-esteem issues tend to think of themselves as imperfect or unlovable.
Communal grandiose narcissists also seem to feel good about themselves and have inflated views of how helpful and caring they are. They tend to believe that they will make the world a better place, but ironically, they also appear to be concerned about their personal power as well, although they might not admit it.