A romantic relationship with someone with BPD can be, in a word, stormy. It's not uncommon to experience a great deal of turmoil and dysfunction. However, people with BPD can be exceptionally caring, compassionate, and affectionate. In fact, some people find this level of devotion from a partner pleasant.
Dating someone with borderline personality disorder (BPD) can be difficult at times, but it doesn't have to be something that harms your relationship. BPD symptoms can include complex and unhealthy thought processes, anxiety, poor self-image, and dramatic mood swings.
Borderline/dependent: A person with borderline personality disorder (BPD) is well-matched with a person who has a dependent personality disorder (DPD). The BPD has an intense fear of abandonment which is a good match for the DPD who will not leave even a dysfunctional relationship.
If you do decide to date (or continue dating) someone who has borderline personality disorder, keep in mind that if they're not in remission, their behaviors can create an unhealthy environment for not only you but also your children.
Those who have BPD tend to be very intense, dramatic, and exciting. This means they tend to attract others who are depressed and/or suffering low self-esteem. People who take their power from being a victim, or seek excitement in others because their own life is not where they want it to be.
They can even become obsessive. These emotional switchbacks can be difficult to handle. Sometimes they can lead to uncomfortable public scenes. The impulsive behavior of a person with BPD may put that person or their partner at risk, too.
Dating someone with borderline personality disorder can be challenging. Your partner may have major difficulties with strong emotions, drastic mood swings, chronic fear of abandonment, and impulsive behaviors that can strain your relationship with chaos and instability.
Results found in a 2014 study found the average length of a BPD relationship between those who either married or living together as partners was 7.3 years. However, there are cases where couples can stay together for 20+ years.
So, why are BPD relationships so complicated? Individuals with BPD tend to idealize their partners and put them on a 'pedestal'. Doing this allows them to believe, however fleetingly, that they have found their soulmate. The problems arise when reality doesn't match up to their idealized version of the partner.
The types of attachment found to be most characteristic of BPD subjects are unresolved, preoccupied, and fearful. In each of these attachment types, individuals demonstrate a longing for intimacy and—at the same time—concern about dependency and rejection.
Signs That BPD Splitting Is Sabotaging Your Relationship. The person with BPD often uses splitting when the feelings are so overwhelming that the person reacts to get rid of them; for instance sending abusive messages or breaking up in the heat of the moment. Often these splitting behaviours push the partner away.
In close relationships, a person with BPD may appear jealous, possessive, or hyper-reactive. These individuals often fear being left alone and have deep feelings of worthlessness. In many cases, this disorder is the direct result of childhood trauma, abuse, violence, or neglect.
We're loyal partners and friends
Though there's often an assumption that we have unstable relationships – and in fact this is listed as one of the main symptoms of BPD – we are extremely loyal. As mentioned above, we tend to put ourselves last. Relationships are truly important to us, and our loyalty is strong.
People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) tend to have major difficulties with relationships, especially with those closest to them. Their wild mood swings, angry outbursts, chronic abandonment fears, and impulsive and irrational behaviors can leave loved ones feeling helpless, abused, and off balance.
They may get severely depressed or lash out if they know you are breaking up with them. Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder may also engage in self-harm and other destructive behaviors.
Borderline personality disorder usually begins by early adulthood. The condition seems to be worse in young adulthood and may gradually get better with age. If you have borderline personality disorder, don't get discouraged.
People with BPD may be sensitive to rejection and abandonment and are prone to splitting, rage, and impulsivity. If a person with BPD feels rejected or abandoned, they may end the relationship. However, this is usually followed by significant anxiety and regret and efforts to get back together.
People with BPD are often terrified that others will leave them. However, they can also shift suddenly to feeling smothered and fearful of intimacy, which leads them to withdraw from relationships. The result is a constant back-and-forth between demands for love or attention and sudden withdrawal or isolation.
Intense and short-lived relationships are common for people with BPD. It's very common for someone with this disorder to have intense, unstable relationships filled with drastic and quick-changing feelings. A person with BPD may fall in love quickly and assume that the other person will make them happy.
Borderline personality disorder causes a broad range of reactions that can be considered self-destructive or self-sabotaging. It influences thoughts, emotions, behavior, and communication, adding a degree of volatility and unpredictability to daily living that can be unsettling for BPD sufferers and their loved ones.
Heightened socially prescribed perfectionism has also been found in borderline, avoidant, and dependent PD (Hewitt & Flett, 1991; Hewitt, Flett & Turnbull, 1992).
Constant changes of mind.
People with BPD might find that they constantly change their mind about things, whether it's their feelings towards the people around them, or other areas of their life, such as their goals, ambitions or sexuality.