Unintentional gaslighting refers to when someone unintentionally tries to discount or deny your reality to make you feel crazy, confused, or doubt yourself. Traditional gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse. While unintentional gaslighting is done without malice, it is still a form of mental abuse.
A person can gaslight you without realizing it. The motivation behind gaslighting (and other forms of manipulation) is to have control and to avoid taking responsibility and getting into trouble. This drive can happen on an unconscious level and the person may not realize why or what they are doing.
Intentional and unintentional gaslighting have the same effect. The victim begins to feel isolated, and they question their grasp on reality. That can create a situation where they feel incapable of extracting themselves from the person or environment where the abuse occurs, which only exacerbates the problem.
Indirect Gaslighting. Through withheld conversation, someone plants doubt in your sense of reality. Seeking clarity isn't on the table, thus resulting in ruminating, confirmation bias, confabulation, and a lack of complete information.
If people make statements in the context of an argument in which they are trying to explain their point of view, or if these statements are made over the course of legal proceedings or formal hearings, then they may be viewed as someone defending themselves, not intentionally attempting to gaslight.
'Gaslighting'
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse in which the gaslighter uses psychological manipulation to undermine the gaslightee, causing the person to question themselves and their reality. The gaslighter's need for control and power in a relationship is a key component of gaslighting.
There are four primary types of gaslighting behaviors: the straight-up lie, reality manipulation, scapegoating and coercion.
It could be divided into four different types: outright lying, manipulation of reality, scapegoating and coercion. Often the experience is a combination of these four types and not just limited to one of them.
Some gaslighters don't know they're gaslighting and are largely unaware of how their behavior is affecting the other person. But some gaslighters are very well aware of what they are doing, and it is done with intention and without remorse.
Some gaslighters are aware of their behavior, and they may even work to improve their gaslighting skills. They might enjoy the sense of superiority they feel from making others doubt their sanity and correctness. Others who gaslight might not be aware that they're doing it.
Gaslighting is a common strategy used by narcissists to keep another person under their control. However, not all narcissists gaslight, and similarly, not all people who gaslight are narcissists. In other words, if someone gaslights you, it does not necessarily mean they are narcissistic.
People who engage in unintentional gaslighting are unaware of their actions. An example of this is telling a partner that we thought the store was out of the cereal they like when in reality, we didn't remember to look for the cereal and did not want to admit that we forgot.
In fact, some therapists call the silent treatment a form of gaslighting, used to cause personal uncertainty, and a sense of doubt when considering goals, self-views and worldviews.
Unintentional gaslighting is subtle manipulation where the gaslighter is unaware of their actions. Their words or phrases instill doubt and confusion in the victim, but when confronted, they genuinely deny any wrongdoing. Despite no harmful intent, their actions can still cause emotional distress.
If we stick to the clinical definition, gaslighters have two signature moves: They lie with the intent of creating a false reality, and they cut off their victims socially.
Signs of Narcissist Gaslighting
They may try to make you feel like you're overreacting or being too sensitive by saying things like, “You're being paranoid,” or “You're imagining things.” They might also try to control what you do and who you see by trying to isolate you from your friends and family.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which a person or group causes someone to question their own sanity, memories, or perception of reality. People who experience gaslighting may feel confused, anxious, or as though they cannot trust themselves.
If the gaslighter is willing to be honest with themselves and do the hard work of changing how they interact it's possible to change this behavior. However, if they're unwilling to recognize the pattern then the pattern is unlikely to change.
The gaslighter enjoys emotionally, physically, and financially controlling their victims. The relationship may start well the manipulative person may praise his or her victim and establishes trust quickly by confiding in their victim immediately.
On a basic level, simply invalidating someone else's emotions is gaslighting, according to Spinelli. They may say something like, "You don't really feel that way," or "It's not that big of a deal." These phrases are an attempt to make you question your own truth.
Another way to identify examples of gaslighting is to think about how you might go about eroding somebody's sense of reality. Efforts to hide important details, lie about one's own actions, and control the narrative and the person in general, are all behaviors that can have a gaslighting effect (Petric, 2022).