Origin of the term “Vilomah.” The term “Vilomah” describes a parent who has lost their child. Life has its natural order, and in that order, children are supposed to outlive their parents.
A grieving mother is a bereaved parent who may have experienced some kind of loss. There is no strict definition of what constitutes this loss. For example, a mother may have gone through any of the following: Miscarriage. Stillbirth.
Vilomah means “against the natural order of things.” It comes from Sanskrit, the same language that gave us the word widow which means “empty.” I have lived, “against the natural order of things,” for almost 11 years now.
It means it's something we don't even want to think about — and losing a child is one of those things. “Widow” in Sanskrit means “empty,” and when we go to Sanskrit for a word for a parent losing a child, the word is “Vilomah”. Vilomah is a word that means “against a natural order”.
Loss of connection to the past
Losing a parent, or both parents, means you've lost a connection to your own childhood. Parents can talk to us about our own early years, and share memories in a way no-one else can.
Talk about your child often and use his or her name. Ask family and friends for help with housework, errands, and caring for other children. This will give you important time to think, remember, and grieve. Take time deciding what to do with your child's belongings.
Parents or children of the deceased are encouraged to spend six months in mourning, with the heavy mourning period lasting 30 days. Grandparents and siblings are to spend three months in mourning, with the heavy mourning time lasting 30 days. Other family members should spend thirty days in mourning.
Black – Western World
Wearing dark colours for mourning has long been a tradition in many parts of the western world, in particular large parts of Europe and North America. The association of the colour black with death and loss is centuries old and is believed to have originated during Roman times.
The observation of the 40th day after death occurs in the Eastern Orthodox tradition. The ritual represents spiritual intercession on the part of the dead, who are believed to collectively await the Day of Judgment.
➢ Grief is what we think and feel on the inside when someone we love dies. Examples include fear, loneliness, panic, pain, yearning, anxiety, emptiness etc. ➢ It is the internal meaning given to the experience of loss. ➢ Mourning is the outward expression of our grief; it is the expression of one's grief.
Compared with other parents, bereaved parents are more likely to experience a series of mental disorders, including complicated grief, anger, guilt, anxiety, depression and so on. Moreover, losing a child can be traumatic and result in long-term health consequences [2].
The seven emotional stages of grief are usually understood to be shock or disbelief, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, depression, and acceptance/hope.
The few studies that have compared responses to different types of losses have found that the loss of a child is followed by a more intense grief than the death of a spouse or a parent [5].
Children who experience parental loss are at a higher risk for many negative outcomes, including mental issues (e.g., depression, anxiety, somatic complaints, post-traumatic stress symptoms), shorter schooling, less academic success, lower self-esteem5, and more sexual risk behaviors6.
You may feel like you've lost an important part of your support system. You may experience regret for lost family traditions and cultural knowledge. There may be times when you wonder how successfully you're fulfilling your own role as a mother. You may also find relationships within your family are now strained.
Shock, numbness, denial, anger, sadness, and despair are the feelings most people cycle through after the loss of a loved one. These emotions can persist in varying degrees for many months afterward. Most people experience these feelings in stages that occur in no particular order but diminish in intensity over time.
The psychological effects of losing a child can lead to a wide range of psychological and physiological problems, including PTSD and associated mental health disorders. PTSD after the death of a child causes weeks, months, and sometimes years of pain. Losing a child can make life feel like time stands still.
Worse than losing a parent
Surprisingly, the risk of death following the loss of a sibling is higher than that after losing a parent.
One study found that 35 percent of parents who lost a young child unexpectedly met the criteria for PTSD. While losing an adult child may be less shocking, it still has the potential to trigger symptoms.
An individual with prolonged grief disorder may experience intense longing for the person who has died or preoccupation with thoughts of that person.
Secondly, disenfranchised grief means society does not recognize the death or loss; therefore, the griever does not receive strong social support and may be isolated.