The Scapegoat is usually victim of emotional and physical abuse by the narcissistic parent. The Lost Child is usually known as “the quiet one” or “the dreamer”. The Lost Child is the invisible child. They try to escape the family situation by making themselves very small and quiet.
The Hero may identify as the Lost Child if they feel the rest of the family does not acknowledge their achievements. Sometimes the Lost Child plays the role of Scapegoat, disappearing from the family's radar until they become entangled in a family dispute against their will.
A narcissist's "lost child" may be physically and emotionally neglected. The "lost child" may carry their trauma into adulthood and may attract partners who are neglectful and emotionally abusive.
The “lost child” is the family member who retreats from family dysfunction due to feeling overwhelmed. They can spend a lot of time alone, pursue singular interests, and/or struggle to establish or maintain relationships with others.
The Golden Child vs The Scapegoat. Narcissistic parents project different parts of themselves onto their children. They use the golden child to project their unfulfilled dreams and ambitions, while the scapegoat is a receptacle for their shame, self-loathing, and insecurities.
They manipulate others to support their distorted version of reality. All the while, they enjoy the feeling of power they get from making the scapegoat suffer. The narcissist is driven by envy, jealousy and a lack of empathy.
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The Lost Child
These young souls usually are cut off from their inner life. They can deal with reality by escaping from it, but they cannot escape the sad and angry feelings that hound them. Denying their feelings and avoiding anger is usually par for the course, as well as never learning adult emotional intimacy.
Please note that it is possible to experience the effects of both the golden child and scapegoat even if you're considered one or the other in your family dynamic. Even though the treatment may be different, many children of narcissistic parents are affected similarly.
Since the scapegoat child is only tolerated when they bear the faults of the parent with NPD, they can grow up with a distorted view of relationships and love as only conditional or transactional. Gravitating toward partners with narcissistic behaviors.
Their increased perceptiveness hurts others' feelings. The scapegoat child's role requires them to sacrifice their own growth to remain less than the narcissistic parent. The child has to collude with the parent's claim that the problem in their relationship is the child's growth.
Everything that goes well becomes associated with the golden child's goodness, while everything that goes wrong is blamed on the scapegoat. The golden child recognizes the inequity of this, and feelings of guilt for the treatment of their siblings may be carried into adulthood.
Studies have shown that the scapegoat does better in life than the “golden child”. Because they have had to fend for themselves most of their life, and haven't been spoiled like the golden child has. The scapegoat is forced to be more independent, and think for themselves, and be stronger.
A scapegoat may be an adult, child, sibling, employee, peer, ethnic, political or religious group, or country. A whipping boy, identified patient, or "fall guy" are forms of scapegoat.
The lost child loses interest in the things that he wanted earlier because now his heart was full of sadness ,as he has lost his parents . He was in a great fear and insecurity . That is why he loses interest in all other things .
A study of young adults found that childhood trauma was significantly correlated with elevated psychological distress, increased sleep disturbances, reduced emotional well-being, and lower perceived social support.
In univariate analyses, all 5 forms of childhood trauma in this study (ie, witnessing violence, physical neglect, emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse) demonstrated statistically significant relationships with the number of different aggressive behaviors reported in adulthood.
The Lost Child
They attempt to stay out of the dysfunctional picture as much as possible by staying quiet, on their own and fending for themselves as much as possible. Their needs are going unmet anyway. Consequently, this child will withdraw, feel alone and desperately yearn for love, approval and attention.
Narcissists are never happy. They are euphoric, elated, or manic - but never happy. Happiness is an amalgam of positive emotions. Narcissists have very few positive emotions.
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Many times, healing the scapegoat role on a personal level is about deep healing of trauma, empowerment, and a place to process emotion and find safety in relationship. Healing the scapegoat role in community means learning how to forge new relationships of repair and effective emotional communication.
As a consequence of having their family relational distress and abuse symptoms go unrecognized, many adult survivors of FSA suffer from anxiety, panic attacks, depression, unrecognized grief, and anger management issues.
Scapegoating causes high levels of anxiety as the target never feels safe emotionally in the family, and can lead to depression, anxiety or post traumatic stress. Damage to self worth can cause relationship and vocational problems as well.