Sadness. This is perhaps the most common and universal emotion to experience at a funeral. The experience of loss naturally results in sadness, and the more you loved and cherished the one you lost, the more sadness you'll probably feel.
Feelings during the funeral
Often funerals can bring up thoughts of other people who have died. It's quite common to find that you are grieving someone you didn't expect to. Sometimes people feel worried or even guilty that they are not focussing on the 'right' feelings or even the right person. But it's very normal.
Why are traditional funerals usually so sad? It's easy to understand, really: it's about fear. Death has always frightened us, and when we're face-to-face with it, we're scared, sad and uncomfortable. It's so big, and so capricious; death can take any one of us at any time.
Crying at a funeral is a normal part of the process, especially if you were close to the deceased. However, there are a lot of times when it might not feel right to cry at a funeral. Perhaps you need to stay strong to support a family member, or you might be speaking at a funeral and need to keep your cool.
Instead, we want to reassure those who aren't crying that it's okay. Crying isn't a required step in grieving a loss; it is not a measure of how much you love the person who died, and you can still grieve healthily even if the tears don't flow.
After someone dies, it's normal to see or hear them. Some people also reporting sensing the smell or warmth of someone close to them, or just feel a very strong sense of their presence. Sometimes these feelings can be very powerful.
It's also a nonverbal way of showing support. Seeing a flood of sad faces can make the bereaved feel more overwhelmed, but seeing a smile can ease some of that tension. A smile is also not in any way disruptive. Smiling during a eulogy isn't going to upset anyone, nor would it draw any unwanted attention to you.
Here are some examples of what to say at a funeral:
I'm sorry for your loss. He will be missed by everyone that knew him. She was a lovely woman and will be greatly missed. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Taking sips of water will help get rid of the lump, and you'll gain better control of your crying. Plan ahead and bring a small bottle of water with you if you think you might get emotional during the funeral.
For many, funerals are most meaningful when they involve a variety of people who loved the person who died. You might ask others to give a reading, deliver the eulogy, play music or even help plan the funeral. You have the freedom to view the body before and during the funeral.
"I felt a funeral in my brain" traces the speaker's descent into madness. It is a terrifying poem for both the speaker and the reader. The speaker experiences the loss of self in the chaos of the unconscious, and the reader experiences the speaker's descending madness and the horror most of us feel about going crazy.
"Talking or being on your phone during the service is one of the most disrespectful things you could do at a funeral," says Myka Meier, Beaumont Etiquette founder and etiquette expert. It's important to be as present as possible. "Silence your phone, shut off your phone, or even just leave it behind.
While you should generally steer clear of bright colours and loud prints (unless otherwise requested), other things to avoid include very revealing or overly casual clothes, like ripped jeans, sheer tops or pieces with inappropriate cut-out details. Accessory-wise, keep things minimal.
You can demonstrate your love, attention, and support to a grieving person in a number of ways. While just your presence can be enough, still a kind word, a compassionate touch, or a loving hug can mean much to show the bereaved that you care about and support them.
As a General Rule: No Photos Inside
Unless you have been specifically asked by the family of the deceased to do so, it is not appropriate to take pictures inside a funeral service or at a grave site. People in attendance at the funeral may be in mourning, or even crying, and taking photos is an invasion of privacy.
Originating out of a superstition in the early post-Talmudic period, the ritual of washing one's hands after being at the cemetery was done to dispel the evil demons that might have attached themselves there. Another explanation is to cleanse oneself of the ritual impurity of being in contact with the dead in any way.
For years, it's been a rule of thumb among healthcare circles that a dying patient will still retain the ability to hear and understand their surroundings even after all other senses have shut down. “Never assume the person is unable to hear you,” advises the British organization Dying Matters.
Christians who know and love each other on earth will know and love each other in heaven.
One of the wildest innovations is “living funerals.” You can attend a dry run of your own funeral, complete with casket, mourners, funeral procession, etc. You can witness the lavish proceedings without having an “out-of-body” experience, just an “out-of-disposable-income” experience.
They might close their eyes frequently or they might be half-open. Facial muscles may relax and the jaw can drop. Skin can become very pale. Breathing can alternate between loud rasping breaths and quiet breathing.