Golden children are usually raised by narcissistic parents who are controlling and authoritarian. They coerce their child into being “perfect” by creating a toxic environment where the children do not feel safe voicing their own opinions or going against any rules.
The golden child is usually the offspring of one or two narcissistic parents, Hafeez says. These parents use their children to show off their own perfection. Narcissistic parents control and manipulate their child's life to ensure that the child upholds the parents' "perfect" image and reputation.
The narcissistic parent can do serious damage to their Golden Child. The constant pressure to meet the impossible standards set by the narcissist can damage the Golden Child's self-esteem and sense of self-worth. The Golden Child may also develop anxiety or depression due to the fear of disappointing the narcissist.
Children who grow up with a narcissistic parent tend to suffer from at least some of the following as children and as adults: anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, self-blame, indecision, people-pleasing tendencies, difficulties with emotional intimacy, and codependent relationships.
The Golden Child vs The Scapegoat. Narcissistic parents project different parts of themselves onto their children. They use the golden child to project their unfulfilled dreams and ambitions, while the scapegoat is a receptacle for their shame, self-loathing, and insecurities.
Golden children are usually raised by narcissistic parents who are controlling and authoritarian. They coerce their child into being “perfect” by creating a toxic environment where the children do not feel safe voicing their own opinions or going against any rules.
Everything that goes well becomes associated with the golden child's goodness, while everything that goes wrong is blamed on the scapegoat. The golden child recognizes the inequity of this, and feelings of guilt for the treatment of their siblings may be carried into adulthood.
The psychological effects of a narcissistic mother on her daughter can be long-lasting. The daughter may struggle with trust issues, abandonment issues, and self-esteem issues. She may also find it difficult to form healthy relationships due to the emotional manipulation she experienced from her mother.
They play favorites.
They may have a golden child who they compliment excessively, for example, while speaking badly about another child in the family. This can make children feel uncomfortable, disloyal and psychologically unsafe.
Daughters of narcissistic mothers often struggle with seeking approval from others due to lack of approval from their mothers growing up. They have difficulty forming healthy relationships as adults because they are constantly looking for the validation that they were never given by their mothers during childhood.
The Golden Child is trained to not support the Scapegoat, and to treat as less than, to neglect and to be unaware of their needs, just like the narcissist.
The child feels the need to prove themselves and please their parents. A golden child will often listen to the excessive demands of their parents to gain validation. The constant struggle for achievement may contribute to additional problems. Children might seek perfection or suffer from an intense fear of failure.
A narcissist's "lost child" may be physically and emotionally neglected. The "lost child" may carry their trauma into adulthood and may attract partners who are neglectful and emotionally abusive.
In family units where a parent or caregiver has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), there's typically a family “scapegoat” — a person the family blames for their problems as a means of deflecting attention from real conflict.
Scapegoated children who become narcissistic have typically been trained to submit to the dominance of a more overtly narcissistic parent (and perhaps sibling) and as a result learn to cloak their rage, superiority, and desire for control into passive aggression.
Of all the roles children play in the narcissistic family, the favored "golden" child is most likely to develop a narcissistic personality because of the toxic mix of enmeshment, neglect, and entitlement they experience.
They will be extremely sensitive to criticism, manipulate their children, and constantly play the victim. A narcissistic mother is unable to give their children adequate attention and nurturing, as she will prioritize her own desires before her children's.
A narcissistic parent is a self-centered and self-absorbed parent with an inflated self-image and thinks they are better than others. They often disregard other people's needs and concerns, including their children's, because they believe their needs and feelings are the most important.
Narcissism tends to play out intergenerationally, with narcissistic parents producing either narcissistic or codependent children in turn. While a self-confident parent, or good-enough parent, can allow a child their autonomous development, the narcissistic parent may instead use the child to promote their own image.
According to Dr. Malkin, there are three basic types of narcissistic parents — classic (extroverted), covert (introverted) and communal. It's important to understand these different types so you can better understand (and heal) from your experience growing up.
The Scapegoat is usually victim of emotional and physical abuse by the narcissistic parent. The Lost Child is usually known as “the quiet one” or “the dreamer”. The Lost Child is the invisible child. They try to escape the family situation by making themselves very small and quiet.
A narcissist will decide who their scapegoat is based on their own fears, feelings of jealousy, sense of inadequacy and insecurities. From a narcissist's perspective, a scapegoat is someone who somehow triggers their fears, feelings of jealousy, sense of inadequacy and insecurities.
They manipulate others to support their distorted version of reality. All the while, they enjoy the feeling of power they get from making the scapegoat suffer. The narcissist is driven by envy, jealousy and a lack of empathy.