When you explain why you want a divorce, keep it general, and about your dynamic (poor communication, different values, etc.), rather than identifying your spouse as the problem. Stick to your guns. Once you announce your decision, don't waffle. Ambivalence will confuse and aggravate the narcissist.
Finding out you want a divorce can also make a narcissist feel like they have failed, which could cause them to lash out. They will likely retaliate by trying to belittle you, expose your flaws, and show the court why you “were never good enough” for them.
Narcissists tend to put up a strong fight and view divorce as a competition they must win. This adversarial attitude can result in bullying, exploitative behavior, and a refusal to negotiate rationally.
A narcissist will often attempt to make their divorce as difficult as possible as a way of maintaining control. Based on prior actions and behavior patterns, you may feel discouraged or intimidated regarding how to negotiate a divorce settlement with a narcissist.
Writing down the reasons ahead of time and giving yourself examples can re-ground you in your reality during the separation process. Showing this list of reasons to the severely narcissistic person is not likely to be helpful so keep it as a resource for yourself, not “evidence” to convince them of their wrongdoing.
But what many people don't realize is that these relationships are also some of the most likely to end in divorce. In fact, research has shown that nearly 60% of all marriages to narcissists – male or female – end in divorce.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
They cannot let go. Dragging out the divorce can be a way for the narcissist to continue keeping their partner in limbo, unsure of what their future holds, in order to maintain power over them. They may also not want to see their partner move on.
To Maintain Control. The need to be in control is an innate part of a narcissist's personality. Letting you go will mean no longer being able to dominate and control you. Allowing you to divorce him will prevent him from continuing to manipulate you for his selfish gains.
Even if the narcissist wanted the divorce, the fact that the marriage ended tarnishes their image and makes them feel shame. And because narcissists can't see their part in problems, they project that shame outward.
For most of us it's the memories which keep us attached to someone and unable to move on. The narcissist doesn't have this problem. Their brain hasn't stored those memories in the same way so they can quickly move on without the attachment.
Narcissists can fight exclusively with only their own needs and demands in mind. Punishing you for leaving them and/or filing for divorce may be at the top of their agenda, and making life harder for you in any way possible services their need for vengeance.
If possible, gather witness statements from friends, family members, or professionals who have observed the abusive behavior. By compiling a thorough collection of evidence, you strengthen your case and increase your chances of proving narcissistic abuse in a legal setting.
Some people get married to narcissists and stay with them for years, while others leave or are left after a few weeks or months. As long as the narcissist is getting their needs met by their partner or the partner does not find a way to leave, the relationship will continue.
Silent treatment.
By giving their spouse the silent treatment, the spouse will eventually cave into the demands just to break the tension. He, who speaks first, loses. This is a more advanced method where the narcissist recreates personal historical events so they look like the sane one while the spouse looks insane.
The narcissist chooses to marry the person they believe they can have the most control over. This isn't meant to victim blame and to say the partner or spouse has done anything wrong. The narcissist knows that other people are caring and want to please, so they look for people that have these qualities.
Remain calm and unaffected.
Cut a conversation with a narcissistic co-worker short and excuse yourself to work on something else. Give your narcissistic partner absolutely no reaction when they try to push your buttons. Stay on topic if you're having a conversation with a manipulative, narcissistic parent.
The easiest way to make a narcissist panic is to cut off your supply of attention and concern. Narcissists feed off of attention. Any kind. Whether it's good or bad, it doesn't matter to them.
Feeling respected is important in relationships. New research examines the link between narcissism and respecting one's partner. Narcissists who inflate their own self-view by enjoying others' failures tend not to give their partners enough respect.
If you suspect your narcissistic partner is cheating, explore your emotions and response options before confronting them. Keep in mind that they may employ tactics like gaslighting, denial, defensiveness, or even become abusive, so this encounter may not go well if you're hoping to work things out.