"Subtle manipulation involves seemingly 'well-meaning' or 'harmless' gestures that actually create a lot of problems. In other words, the person doing them intends no harm, but does damage without realizing it," says Winters. The intention isn't usually to hurt someone else.
Examples of Manipulative Behavior
Sometimes, people may manipulate others unconsciously, without being fully aware of what they're doing, while others may actively work on strengthening their manipulation tactics.
According to therapist and relationship expert Ken Page, LCSW, everyone can be manipulative from time to time, sometimes without even realizing it. "We are all human, and all of us manipulate because it's a human defense mechanism," he says.
The silent treatment, or stonewalling, is a passive-aggressive form of manipulation and can be considered emotional abuse. It is a way to control another person by withholding communication, refusing to talk, or ignoring the person.
They have no ability to love, empathy, guilt, remorse, or conscience. To them, life is merely a game of taking power and control and getting what they want. They see vulnerability as a weakness and staying invulnerable is a great way to hide who they really are.
People manipulate others to get what they want. This type of behavior may have a number of causes including interpersonal dynamics, personality characteristics, a dysfunctional upbringing, attachment issues, or certain mental health conditions.
Typically, people do not know they are being manipulated because it is done in a way that conceals the manipulator's intention. It is using influence for a bad cause, to gain a personal advantage at the expense of someone else.
There are many ways someone with narcissistic traits may try to manipulate a person. This manipulation is often done to get something that they want from a relationship, to make themselves look good, or to fulfill their narcissistic supply. This can include emotional abuse, gaslighting, and many others.
Emotional manipulators will often agree to a project or action, then seek passive-aggressive ways to let the other person know they don't really want to be doing it. They may use specific passive-aggressive techniques such as: Sullenness or cynicism. Intentional mistakes and procrastination.
Emotional manipulation is scary because it can make you doubt everything about yourself: Your worth, your beliefs, even your own perceptions. Emotional manipulators do sometimes have real feelings for you. But their behavior makes that irrelevant in most cases.
To completely disarm someone who is flying off the handle, simply ask: "Are you OK?" and "What's going on?" Then, park your own thoughts, listen without judgment, and try to genuinely understand what triggered their emotions.
One simple tactic you can use is to simply say, “I think you are deflecting things away from the issue I'm bringing up right now. I feel strongly that there is something here that we need to look at and I'm not willing to just sweep it under the carpet or take the blame.”
"Unintentional manipulation can show up in exaggerating the facts," Silvershein says. "If someone had an early-morning flight that takes off at 8 a.m., they may say their flight is at 6 a.m. since they technically have to leave for the airport at 6 a.m. They know that this story is better and will gain more empathy."
While we are all susceptible to manipulation, if you are insecure, overly nice, or worry a lot about what other people think, you may be an easy target. The reason manipulation feels bad is because it feels like you're being pushed or tricked into something you didn't really choose or want to do.
Gaslighting is emotional manipulation that leaves its victims confused and despondent as they question their sanity. This article will shed light on the gaslighting phenomenon, its consequences, and what to do about it.
Borderline Personality Disorder.
Characterized by a fragile, fluctuating self-image and a profound fear of abandonment, borderlines can be master manipulators. Their controlling behaviors may range from subtle and ingratiating to threatening and violent.