'Pocketing', or 'Stashing' is when someone you're dating hides you from their friends and family and is, unsurprisingly, a very toxic practice. Your partner has made a conscious decision not to introduce you to their inner circle and it includes real life and on social media.
However, pocketing that extends beyond the first few weeks or months becomes a huge red flag and an extremely hurtful situation. Why? Because it stems either from a lack of commitment or shame. Your partner may not see a long-term future with you, they're already committed to someone else, or worse, they're ashamed.
Relationship expert and author Susan Winter told TODAY that "pocketing" can happen to anyone in a romantic relationship with someone else. But she doesn't advise doing this practice because it can be very "hurtful" for the person you're with.
A partner who practices pocketing, most likely, doesn't have a malicious intent but seeks to conceal the relationship from those closest to them. This behaviour is often unhealthy as it reflects a lack of commitment and can lead to mistrust and insecurity within the relationship.
If someone feels a level of insecurity or jealously, they may pocket their partner in a misguided attempt to preserve the relationship. “Other partners may pocket the person their dating to attempt to hide – they could be in another committed relationship and the pocketing helps them maintain both relationships.
Pocketing comes with the intention of hiding away the person you're dating. Oftentimes the pocketer does not want their partner to meet friends and family; it's a way of creating space and distance in the relationship."
Moving on from a pocketing relationship can take some effort from both people. You might need to reassess how you communicate your needs, and they might need to let go of some fears. Depending on where you are in the relationship, you might decide to go to a therapist or counselor.
Updated: Jul 31, 2023 / 07:19 AM CDT. CHICAGO — If you're being “benched” that means the person you're dating, or “talking to” a the kids say, is putting you on the sidelines. They like you. But not enough to make you a priority in their life. They'll hit you up if they need you or feel like hanging out.
If the attraction is mutual between you and another person, you'll likely want to talk to each other rather frequently. You may also compliment each other frequently. You might also find yourselves trying to make each other laugh and taking any chance possible to strike up a conversation with the other person.
The biggest rule in a relationship is no matter how mad you are at your partner, you do not go and seek someone else's attention. You sit your ass there and make it right. Because that's your person. If you can easily go to someone else, you do not love the person you are with.
Disrespect due to anonymity. Many people may find the anonymity in a pocketing relationship disrespectful as they may feel that their partner is ashamed of them.
These types of relationships often lack clear boundaries, commitments, and labels, which can lead to confusion and frustration. While situationships may seem convenient at first, they can quickly turn toxic and leave you feeling unfulfilled.
He is manipulative.
Manipulative behavior is a major red flag in men because it implies that they are trying to control you. Manipulation typically involves someone exploiting someone else's feelings or insecurities to get what they want. They might do this by making someone feel guilty or ashamed.
Red flags in a relationship include excessive jealousy and frequent lying. You should also be wary of a partner who frequently criticizes you or puts you down. Another major red flag is an unwillingness to compromise — relationships shouldn't be one-sided.
Here are some other signs you're in a situationship: There's been no define-the-relationship (DTR) convo. You're doing girlfriend/boyfriend activities, but you've both stated it's casual. You haven't integrated into each other's lives meaningfully—you haven't met their family, friends, or colleagues.
Firedooring. When the effort in a relationship is one-sided, that is firedooring (because fire escapes only open from one side, duh). For example, a romantic interest may never reply to your texts, but you'll hear from them when they want something.
We've all been houseplanted, but we never had a name for it. Until now. When it comes to dating, houseplanting is “neglecting the person that you are dating and not giving them nurturance and attention so the relationship can grow,” Dr. Paulette Sherman, Psy.
Called “cushioning,” this dating trend involves chatting with several partners at once to cushion the blow of a potential break-up. You might know cushioning in a committed relationship by its other name: cheating.
Many "dating experts" even say to wait three months before introducing your date to friends and family. Three months is a long time to date someone in solitary, with the only interaction being with the waiter at your favorite restaurant.
Less than a relationship, but more than a casual encounter or booty call, a situationship refers to a romantic relationship that is, and remains, undefined. "A situationship is that space between a committed relationship and something that is more than a friendship," explains psychotherapist and author Jonathan Alpert.
People in relationships keep secrets for many reasons, according to the researchers. First and foremost, particularly for women, is reluctance to hurt their partner or damage the relationship. For married people, keeping a secret allows them to avoid their partners' disapproval.
Hiding information is a protective move. Either your partner fears your reactivity, or they've done something so horrific that you'll (rightly) be upset." All this said, knowing how to spot the signs that something is up and your partner is holding back is very important.