Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic and a form of emotional abuse, often acting as a symptom of underlying personality disorders in the perpetrator, such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), antisocial personality disorder (sociopathy/psychopathy), or borderline personality disorder. It is used to exert power, control, and avoid accountability.
What causes a person to gaslight? People who gaslight others may have developed their abusive and controlling behaviors as a response to childhood trauma, or as the result of narcissistic personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, or another psychological condition.
People with NPD often resort to gaslighting (trying to convince you that either you or they said or did something differently) to undermine your boundaries.
While a person may occasionally mislead or lie to others, a true gaslighter often lies or misleads. They almost always have a personality disorder such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (commonly known as a narcissist) or Anti-social Personality Disorder (commonly known as a psychopath or sociopath).
Though it's difficult to be in the presence of someone aggressive or hostile, or even emotionally abusive, it doesn't mean that every interaction with this person is a form of gaslighting. Disagreements, different perspectives or miscommunication can be mistaken for gaslighting, according to Dr. Shereen A.
If someone uses any of these nine phrases, they may be gaslighting you:
The 7 key signs of emotional abuse often involve Isolation, Verbal Abuse (insults/yelling), Blame-Shifting/Guilt, Manipulation/Control, Gaslighting (making you doubt reality), Humiliation/Degradation, and Threats/Intimidation. These behaviors aim to control you, erode your self-worth, and make you dependent, creating a pattern of fear, anxiety, and low self-esteem, even without physical harm.
The number one trait of a narcissist is often considered a grandiose sense of self-importance (grandiosity) combined with a profound lack of empathy, where they see others as tools for their own gain and have an inflated, often unrealistic, view of their own superiority, needing constant admiration without acknowledging others' feelings or needs, as highlighted by HelpGuide.org and The Hart Centre. This core creates other behaviors like entitlement, manipulation, and arrogance, making them believe they deserve special treatment.
'Highly narcissistic' people love to say these 7 phrases—here's how to respond: Harvard-trained psychologist
Gaslighters argue by denying reality, twisting facts, minimizing your feelings, and blaming you to make you doubt your sanity, memory, and perception, often using phrases like "You're crazy," "That never happened," or "You're overreacting" to shift blame and maintain control, creating a confusing cycle of self-doubt for the victim. They avoid accountability by projecting their flaws onto you or claiming they were "just joking".
To shut down gaslighting, focus on validating your own reality, setting firm boundaries, trusting your feelings, and documenting incidents; you can stop the manipulation by disengaging from "right/wrong" debates, shifting focus to your feelings, and recognizing it's about their control, not your truth, while seeking support to regain your sense of self.
Some common warning signs include intense and rapidly changing emotions, often triggered by seemingly minor events. Individuals with BPD may exhibit impulsive behaviors such as substance abuse, binge eating, or reckless driving.
1. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD): Characterized by grandiosity, lack of empathy, and a craving for admiration, individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder often manipulate through charm, gaslighting, and exploitation.
In the final scene, Brian and Paula agree to see each other again, and Mrs Tlwaites (who finally gets her chance to see inside the Alquist house) can be heard saying, "Well!"
How to recognize gaslighting
You can't know ahead of time whether your gaslighter will ever change. Maybe he will change when you refuse the dance of gaslighting. If he is willing to admit that he has a problem, you should see a good couples therapist and work on the gaslighting dynamic.
The 10 Harmful Traits of a Narcissist (With Real-Life Impact)
The "3 E's of Narcissism" refer to three core traits often seen in individuals with narcissistic tendencies: Empathy impairment, a profound lack of understanding or sharing of others' feelings; Entitlement, a belief they deserve special treatment and admiration; and Exploitation, using others for personal gain without guilt. These characteristics highlight how narcissists often struggle to connect emotionally, feel superior, and manipulate people to meet their own needs.
A narcissistic partner may often avoid taking responsibility for their actions by shifting the blame onto the victim—a control tactic commonly seen in abusive relationships, which can sometimes foster trauma bonding. They might say, “You made me do this,” or “It's your fault I'm like this.”
Spotting An Overt Narcissist
Based on some overlapping symptoms, borderline personality disorder (BPD) and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are two mental health disorders that are often mistaken for one another.
12 signs of narcissism
Emotional and Psychological Abuse
Signs of emotional and psychological abuse
Emotional abuse refers to a situation when a person willfully causes or permits a child to suffer, inflicts unjustifiable physical pain or mental suffering on a child, or willfully causes or permits the child to be placed in a situation in which their health is endangered while under their custody.